“Damn it, Jacq.”
“I know.”
“You can’t just—”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I couldn’tstop pushing you, and then—I didn’t think. I just couldn’t think.” She’d beenswamped with the need to erase past pain and felt helpless to do so.
“I should go.”
Jacqueline nodded and bent to pick up Casey’s purse at the samemoment Casey did. They nearly butted heads, and their hands clashed on thehandle. Casey jerked it away, pulled open the door, and practically fellthrough it.
Jacqueline caught the door as it swung open and slowly closed itbehind her. With her hand still on the doorknob, she rested her foreheadagainst the door. She’d meant to apologize and erase the uneasiness betweenthem. But she’d only made things worse. Casey had kissed her back—she’dresponded almost immediately. And she’d probably beat herself up over that. Shewas the most loyal person Jacqueline knew, and she’d feel guilty. Hell, shemight even confess to Nina. “Shit.”
“You okay, Jacq?” Her father stood in the doorway from thekitchen.
“Yeah. I’m good.” She didn’t ask him how long he’d been there.
“Casey left?”
“Yep.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She laughed, a harsh bark that hurt her throat. “Not really.”
“What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing.” She turned and rested against the door, staring at himacross the room.
“I should pretend I couldn’t hear you shouting from outside?”
“If you don’t mind.”
“I can’t help but feel like I’m adding to the stress betweenyou.” He eased into his favorite chair, moving a little stiffly, and gesturedto the couch.
“It’s not about you.” She perched on the edge of the couch,bracing her elbows on her widespread knees.
“You’ve managed to be civil for years until recently.”
“Maybe that’s been the problem. We’ve stopped being civil. Butyou aren’t making it harder. If anything, looking out for you has kept us fromtotally losing it. Until today, I guess.”
“What happened?”
“Some old issues. Some new.” Jacqueline stared at the floorbetween her feet. “This carpet needs to be replaced. Have you ever thoughtabout hardwoods in here?”
“Like I need another reason to slip and fall.”
“Good point.” She smiled. “Do you think she’s happy with Nina?”She didn’t look up, unable to handle it if he looked at her with pity in hiseyes.
“You know, this kind of stuff was always your mother’sdepartment.”
She nodded, swallowing tears. “I know.”
“She loved Casey. She once said she’d never seen you happier.After you split up, she didn’t think you’d ever give your heart to anyone likethat again.”
“She was right.”
“Be careful, baby.”
She raised her head and found his eyes as wet as hers.
“That’s what she’d say if she were here.” He looked at the framedphotograph on the bookcase in the corner. In it, a ten-year old Jacqueline wassquished in between her parents. They’d been on vacation in Myrtle Beach.
“Yes. That sounds like her.” Jacqueline stretched across thespace between them and squeezed his forearm. He covered her hand with his. At momentslike these she could convince herself that his signs of confusion were notaging but rather her imagination.
She could get lost in staring at that photo and wishing that sheand Casey had what her parents had had. She could wallow in the fact that she’dnever have the happily-ever-after they’d had. But she didn’t think she couldstand to watch Casey find it with Nina or anyone else. If that meant distancingherself from Casey, she’d find a way to do it.
*
“…for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sicknessand in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do uspart.”
Casey watched through the viewfinder of her Nikon as the twowomen standing under the arbor stated their vows. She snapped a series of shotsas each of them slid a ring on the other’s finger. She lifted her head longenough to confirm that Sean was at the other end of the aisle capturing anotherangle.
As the couple shared their first kiss, then joined hands andturned toward their guests, their smiles radiated pure joy. They made their waydown the aisle, which was barely wide enough for them anymore as their friendsand family crushed in around them. She didn’t follow them, trusting Sean to getthe necessary images. She didn’t want him to worry about keeping her out of theperiphery of his frame.
Casey had photographed enough weddings to do the ceremony almoston autopilot. And this wasn’t even her first same-sex wedding since the federallaw had changed. But for some reason, hearing their laughter and witnessingtheir happiness and the celebration of their guests made her throat ache withthe effort of containing her own emotions. After taking several pictures of theretreating couple, she lowered her camera and realized she now stood close tothe arbor herself.
For a long time, a wedding hadn’t been in Casey’s plans. And shehad a ready-list of reasons why. She didn’t need a piece of paper. She wouldn’tdo it until it was legal in Tennessee. Weddings weren’t magical for her. Theywere work. If pressed, now that it was legal, she would concede that maybesomeday she’d be married, but she didn’t need more than a courthouse ceremony.
But today, she envied the happy couple. They clearly loved eachother to the exclusion of all else. And no matter what else happened to them inlife, they would have this day, when everything could be as simple as twowords: I do.
As the ceremony gave way to the reception, Casey captured theshots all couples desired, cutting the cake, the first dance, two separatefather/daughter moments. She also managed to get a number of photos of familyand friends and some candid moments of the brides together. They werebeautiful, the venue was gorgeous, and the lighting was perfect. She wouldn’tbe bogged down with tons of extra editing on this one.
Casey took a break to congratulate the brides, eat the smallpiece of cake they foisted upon her, and chat with the mother of one of thewomen, who had been a persistent presence during the planning. She looked up atone point and saw the brides dancing together, and the love between them lefther breathless. As she shifted her gaze away, she met
