“Don’t stay in Sean’s room,” Casey blurted, and her expressionchanged as if the words had escaped without her consent.
“I guess I could sleep on the couch but—”
“Sleep with me. I mean, in my room. If you want to. There’splenty of—never mind.”
“Okay,” Jacqueline said too loudly for the soft atmospherebetween them. “I’d like that.”
She followed Casey into her bedroom. But once inside she stoodawkwardly in the space she used to feel so comfortable in. Casey had paintedthe walls, transforming them from the sunny yellow they’d chosen years ago tosoft gray. The king-sized mahogany panel bed they’d shared remained, but thecharcoal-and-blue comforter covered in a simple leaf-and-vine pattern was new.The overall effect was clean and soothing.
“I like what you’ve done in here. It’s nice.”
Casey circled to the far side of the bed and pulled back thecovers. “It was time for an update.”
Jacqueline nodded. She looked down at the clothes in her hand,then at the bed between them. Why had she thought she could do this?
“Right. So the bathroom is still through there.” Casey noddedtoward the open door.
“Good to know you haven’t moved it.”
Once inside the bathroom, Jacqueline stripped down. She laughedwhen she caught herself modestly tucking her bra and underwear inside thefolded pile of her own clothes—as if Casey hadn’t seen everything already. Asshe pulled Casey’s T-shirt over her head she breathed in the foreign scent ofher fabric softener, grateful for anything that distracted her from theall-too-familiar fragrance of Casey’s favorite cherry-blossom-scented lotion.She could probably stay strong against a hint of it, but immersed in it in thesmall room, she couldn’t stop the memory of Casey smoothing it on her heatedpost-shower skin.
By the time she returned to the bedroom, Casey had alreadysnuggled under the comforter, her eyes closed. While Jacqueline typicallyneeded at least thirty minutes propped against the headboard making notes onher agenda for the next day in order to unwind, Casey possessed the irritatingability to fall asleep almost immediately after getting into bed. Casey alsotended to take a bit more than her share of the bed, sleeping close to deadcenter of the mattress, and tonight was no exception as her golden wavesthreatened to spill onto Jacqueline’s pillow. The lamp on her nightstand castthe only glow in the room, and the whole scenario suddenly felt very intimate.
She couldn’t get in that bed next to Casey and pretend she wasokay. She curled her hands into fists against the urge to touch Casey, and shewasn’t even within range of her yet. If she opted to sleep in Sean’s room, oreven to leave altogether, she’d have to give Casey some kind of explanation. Just get in the bed. She’dslept next to Casey thousands of times without losing her shit; she could do itone more time. She’d pretend this was like any other night they’d gone to bedtogether—to sleep, any night they’d gone to sleep together.
*
Casey closed her eyes when she heard the bathroom-door hingesqueak. But when Jacqueline didn’t come to the bed right away, Casey strugglednot to peek. Was Jacqueline having second thoughts about staying? Casey hadquestioned the wisdom of her invitation as soon as they’d stepped inside thebedroom. So she’d climbed into bed and shut her eyes so she could fake sleepand hope the awkwardness was gone by morning.
Finally, the bed dipped under Jacqueline’s weight, and the sheetpulled against Casey as Jacqueline got settled underneath it. Though Jacquelineseemed to be trying to stay as close to the edge of the bed as possible, Caseycould feel her warmth.
“I know you’re not sleeping,” Jacqueline said, poking her in theside.
Casey rolled onto her back, bringing her closer to Jacqueline.“How?”
Jacqueline shrugged, her shoulder rubbing Casey’s. “I just do.”
“This is weird, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I never thought we’d be in bed together again. I mean—not thatwe’re—we, uh—I’m going to shut up now and go back to faking sleep.”
Jacqueline laughed. “I know what you meant. A lot has happenedrecently that I never thought would.” She turned on her side, bent her elbow,and propped her head on her hand. “Sometimes it feels like we could be friendsagain.”
“I’d like to think I never stopped being a friend when you neededone.” Casey tried to steer them away from dangerous territory. She couldn’thandle a trip down memory lane with Jacqueline so close.
Jacqueline brushed a lock of hair off Casey’s forehead, thenghosted her fingers over Casey’s jaw. “When I first met you—”
“We’re not those girls.” Casey couldn’t turn her head away, butshe considered it a victory when she managed not to angle into the caress.
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.” Jacqueline touched her chin, but when her fingers driftedupward, Casey grabbed her wrist before she reached her lips. “When I look atyou right now, I don’t see that college coed. I see the woman who selflesslycared for my father, the woman who’s been there for me when I thought I’d break,neither of which you have any obligation to do.”
“Do you also see the woman you can barely go two weeks withoutarguing with? Because that’s also been true these last couple of months.” Shesqueezed Jacqueline’s wrist, then started to release her. But as soon as theyseparated, Jacqueline turned her hand and captured Casey’s fingers.
“We’ve always kind of had that, too. Haven’t we?”
Casey nodded, staring at their linked hands. They’d never lackedfor chemistry, whether they were heating each other up or burning down theirrelationship. “We were so full of feelings back then.”
“You were full of yourself.” Jacqueline tucked their handsagainst her chest.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
Casey elbowed her playfully. “I was emotional and inspired.”
“You were the biggest flirt I’d ever met. I never stood achance.”
“Most women didn’t.”
Jacqueline seemed to be considering her response. Caseyrecognized first her impulse to volley back with a joke of her own, but thenher expression turned serious. “You were pretty amazing. Fearless. Are—you areamazing.”
“Nice save.” Casey grinned. “But lately, it seems, I go throughmy days feeling numb—detached—like I’m watching my life happen to someoneelse.”
“What can we do about that?”
Casey shrugged.
“I’m serious. You’ve been a rock for me with Dad. Let me dosomething for you.”
“It’s
