The second the hobgoblins were through, I closed the portals and opened one for us into the basement of my house. I did the only thing I could think of, the thing my instincts were screaming for me to do.
I brought him to Faerie. I activated the portal and used the last of my strength to drag his unconscious body through.
“Heal him!” I shouted to the world as if it would hear me, ignoring how hysterical I sounded. “He saved my life and many hobgoblins. More can be saved because of him. Heal him! Save him! Please! I can’t—I can’t do this and go on if I lose him like this.”
I moved over him and let out a wail when his heart stuttered like it was shutting down. I tried to pump healing into him, but I was out of juice. It was the first time in forever I was completely out of power.
But I didn’t need it. Faerie answered my pleas.
The ground around Craftsman glowed as power raced into him. He gasped as his body lurched. It was as if the world had used shock paddles on him… Those magical ones that I didn’t think exist.
A few moments after, the glowing stopped and Craftsman’s breathing evened out, his heart sounding fine.
I lifted my head just in time to see his eyelids flutter open and those deep emerald green eyes I had fallen so hard for stare up at me. I had no idea what to say, so I blurted the first thing that came to me. “Welcome to Faerie.”
“I love you,” he whispered, reaching up and cupping my cheek. “You are a miracle, my miracle.” He let out a shaky breath when I went to pull away, moving his other hand to me so I stayed. “I would die a million times to save you, and not because you’re the last fairy, Tamsin. This world is not worth living in without you. You are perfect.”
I flinched away from him, pulling against his hold. No I wasn’t. He hadn’t wanted me when he’d seen who I really was.
He responded to my trying harder to get away by rolling me under him and leaning his forehead down to mine. “I’m so sorry, my sweet fairy. The issues were mine. I’m sorry I thought—even for one second—you could be like my family. I know you better than that. I could never love anyone like them. I know you, and it was my issues that made me doubt you. I’m so sorry.
“You deserved none of that. When Darby said he was worried you wanted to be alone, I knew. I knew you had cried alone in bed because you’d hurt people that day. I knew it hurt you to hurt others, and I felt two inches tall that I could have doubted you for even a second. It was all my issues and past pain, and I’m sorry I put it on you. I’m so sorry.”
“I forgive you for that,” I mumbled, turning my head away. “I could always—I have piles of my own issues, Julian. I understood you doubting me after I heard your family had congratulated you. I understood not liking the plan or thinking I was out of my head. Mel and I have had blow-up fights that came to taking swings when we let our issues get in the way of the crazy. I get all of that.”
“I didn’t walk away,” he whispered, knowing what I was going to say. “I wasn’t—I blinked and it was—”
“A man abducted me, branded me like cattle—his food—and was trying to force me to have lots of babies so he could do the same and not be able to tell anyone, and the man who said he loves me never showed. He never came. He never held my hand or hugged me as I sobbed at how horrible this world is,” I said, confessing what was one of his greatest sins to me. “You weren’t there and—”
“I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know until later. White and Edelman had tried to tell me. I believe them that they did, but I wasn’t hearing them. I was… I was so lost, love. White says I had what every teacher has hit them, but it devastated me because it hit me with you, and I’m so bloody in love with you.”
“Let me go,” I begged. “I can’t. I cannot—thank you for saving me, but I saved you, so we’re even.”
He let out a shaky breath. “I saved you twice, right?”
I flinched. “You would use that debt to—”
“No. Never. I would never ask for something over the line like that. You know me better than that, Tamsin.”
I turned my head and looked at him then. “I thought I did. I thought I knew exactly who you were. The man I loved would never have taken his eyes off of me for so long, even before all of that happened, so don’t act like it was only that, Julian. Hear me when I say I might love you, but I don’t want to be with you.”
He checked my aura and sighed. “Yes, you do, but you don’t want to be with someone who emotionally abuses you and forgets you like I did. I won’t. I will get my shit together and be who you deserve. I promise. I can be better and—”
“Stop,” I begged. “Just stop.” I broke his hold and covered my face, giving a wordless scream. “I can’t. I can’t do this again. You nearly killed me. I’m a mess and losing you—I will not risk going through this again. I won’t. Not when I have to save Faerie, my people, all the fair folk, and fight off several councils. I’m not strong enough, so no matter how much I love you, my answer is no.”
