Dusting or doing the dishes, sweeping the floors…it’s…shit, I can hardly say “fun to do,” but it really is. Maybe because the cabin isn’t overly big, but it might also have to do with the fact it doesn’t feel like a chore. There aren’t many items in the cabin so it also takes me less time to clean.
And when Colt is doing stuff for the ranch or the MC, either heading out or sitting at the table behind the laptop to enter information or putting the horses up for sale, it allows me the time to read. It’s a privilege to be here with him.
A tightness squeezes my chest. It’s not only a privilege but a longing too. To have this slice of heaven to last a lifetime. And yet there’s fear clawing inside my veins. All of this is almost too good to be true and I’m waiting for it to blow up in my face.
There are too many uncertainties, like the fact Colt hasn’t touched me in any way or my brother turning up to drag me to his clubhouse, or Cannon for that matter. Though, I feel Colt and I have grown close over the last couple of days. Spending many hours talking, cooking meals together, him teaching me how to ride a horse.
Cavier is going on my positive vibes list for sure. I love riding and have reached the point where Colt isn’t walking beside the horse but is giving me instructions from the middle of the paddock.
I seriously never want to leave this man or his horse. And I dread the day he’s either sick of having me around or someone bursts through that door to end the dream I’ve been living in.
“Hey, why the sad face? You did great with Cavier.” Colt turns the oven on where our previously prepared lasagna was waiting for us to bake.
Sad face? I wasn’t aware sadness entered my features. All of this is dragging me down. And I’ve never felt as powerless as I feel now and maybe it’s because of all of the uncertainties.
No. It’s about the no sex part where I have no clue what Colt is thinking. He was quite clear when he had me in his bed, but those following ten days he has gracefully shared his sheets with me. Correction; he says he’s sleeping next to me but there hasn’t been one morning where I woke up beside him. And the falling asleep part happens on the couch so he carries me to bed.
My frustrations and doubts have grown and I know this situation isn’t how either of us wanted to start out. And we might be getting along now but before he put his plan into motion, we were going head to head on a daily basis. While now all of a sudden, we’re like an old married couple. Because while we might have shared comfort between us…the sex is lacking. Completely nonexistent.
“Cavier isn’t the problem, I enjoy riding him,” I grumble, and add underneath my breath, “It’s you who doesn’t want to take me for a ride.”
“What was that?” Colt snaps.
“What was what, old man?” I snap, irritated by everything.
I stalk to the cabinet to grab two plates but I’m prevented from doing so when Colt’s fingers wrap around my upper arm as he spins me around. His large, muscled body is caging me in, pressing me against the counter.
“Old man, huh?” he snaps with a harsh tone. But then his whole face changes and a fat smirk spreads his face. “I am. But I’m your old man.”
“My old man?” I snicker. “If I had an old man my body would be aware of that little fact.”
His hands leave my arms and are now placed on the counter as he leans in but in no way is the annoying man touching my body. I’m still caged in but everything about that fact leaves me cold.
“Ah. The root of the issue.” Leaning closer he whispers next to my ear, “My old lady has needs.”
My whole body freezes. Did he call me his old lady? I thought he was joking with the old man comment.
“I thought you needed time.” He pushes off the counter and starts to pace the kitchen. “Fuck. I needed time. I’ve wanted you for so damn long and then to have you…I didn’t know if I could handle it long term. And you being a virgin. If I would have crossed that bridge right at the start...if we didn’t work out. Hell…if I couldn’t handle having you around because I’m no good at this shit, Kadence. I’m not a people person.”
“I know!” I snap, a little too agitated by his words and his anxious demeanor.
He takes two fierce steps in my direction. “The time I gave us was too much since I have no damn agitation or breach of privacy feeling when it comes to you. I fucking relish in the knowledge you can’t go anywhere but here. One glance and my eyes can find you. The restlessness rooted in my bones faded to the background and I can sleep for hours just by holding you.”
I close the distance between us and shove his shoulder. “Yeah? Then how come I never, ever, wake up in your arms or fall asleep in them for that matter?”
His forehead is pressing against mine when he says, “Because I hardly ever slept before you filled my bed. I never need more than a few hours but get double the sleep now so I’m an early riser. I make coffee and watch you sleep.”
I jab a finger in his chest to punctuate every word. “Creepy. Fucker.”
His head tips back and laughter rips out.
“It’s not meant
