‘But he increased our budget this year.’
‘Yeah. I don’t get that bit,’ I admit. ‘One final joke to pep us up before he pulls the rug right out from underneath us, maybe?’
‘The chestnut seller said he personally asked him to come back, and the carol singers have been rewarded handsomely. I don’t understand, Nia,’ Carmen says with imploring eyes, like I somehow do.
‘But he’s such a nice man,’ Hubert says. ‘Maybe we’ve got it wrong. Maybe Scrooge is on holiday and he’s the acting manager for the acting manager. The acting acting manager.’
The words “clutching” and “straws” spring to mind.
I end up sitting there nodding along with them while working my way mindlessly through the bag of peppermint bark until they leave.
I feel like I’ve been hit in the face with something heavy and I’m probably suffering from some sort of concussion because I can’t connect what happened this morning with any sort of reality and I feel like I’m floating above the shop and watching it like I’m not really here.
As evidenced when I paint a snowman pink because I’m not concentrating.
I’m hyperaware of what James said about explaining later and I’m a nervous wreck for the rest of the day as the clock creeps towards closing time and it gets more likely that he’s going to come in.
I must admit that I’m … kind of worrying … about him too. We have no idea what happened at the factory this morning, only that the ambulance raced off at full speed not long after James left and the factory hasn’t been operational since then. Hubert tried to go over but was refused both entry and information by a security guard. Stacey’s even changed the Christmas songs for the local radio station in the shop in case any news makes it there before it makes it to us. I tried to man the till, but I kept making mistakes because I was so obsessed with watching for him – ready to dive into the back room at the first sign because I do not want to see him at the moment.
Simon collected Lily an hour ago and confirmed his car wasn’t in the car park. The skies are dark outside, and it’s a few minutes to our later pre-Christmas closing time of 6 p.m. when I’m finally brave enough to venture from the back room and help Stacey tidy the shop.
‘Nia.’
I squeal at the sound of his voice and dive up the step into the back room so fast that I stumble and hit the wall, shaking the entire cabin and knocking several display pieces loose.
He goes to follow me but Stacey plants herself squarely in his path, hands on her hips, feet wide apart. ‘She doesn’t want to see you.’
I hide on the other side of the open doorway. He’s mere feet away, but there’s a wall between us so I can’t see his face, but I’m pretty sure he could get round Stacey easily.
‘I see that, but there’s an explanation for this.’ He sounds exhausted. How can I know him so well after such a short amount of time that I can tell every nuance of his voice? And at the same time, I clearly know nothing about him.
‘I’m sure there is.’ I can hear from her tone that she’s folded her arms and is probably tapping a foot expectantly.
‘I’m not going to shout it across the shop. I need to see her. Please, Stacey.’ I can envision him pushing a hand through his hair and sighing when it falls forward again straightaway. ‘I’m sorry it’s so late, but I had to go home and change because I was covered in someone else’s blood. I’ve been at the hospital all afternoon. I got back as soon as I could.’
Even after all this, I still want to go and hug him. He sounds like he needs a hug. Just as I’m thinking that maybe I should go out there and hear what he has to say, I remember he’s Scrooge and force my feet to stay rooted to the floor.
I know Stacey when she’s in protective mode – last seen when Lily was being bullied at school – and I hear her shuffle forwards and imagine her barging him towards the counter so he doesn’t get a chance to follow me while she gets his notebook out from where we’d put it ready to give back. I hear her shove it at his chest. ‘I don’t think now’s the time.’
‘Nia?’ he calls. ‘I know you haven’t gone far, please let me explain.’
He knows me too well too. I can barely hear over the blood rushing in my ears. I close my eyes and lean my pounding forehead against the cool wall. I want there to be an explanation – I just don’t think there is, and I’m not in the mood for hearing James try to talk himself out of it and tangle himself in more lies.
I take a deep breath. ‘Answer me one question.’ I’m surprised the words are audible because even I wasn’t certain they were going to come out. ‘Are you, or are you not, the Scrooge who’s been merrily cutting the budget every year and gloating and preening over how much more damage you can do?’
Please be not. Please let this all be a misunderstanding.
‘Yes.’ He takes a few steps closer to the door into the back room and I automatically back up. ‘But it’s not what you think.’
‘You would say that!’ I don’t realise I’m going to shout until the words come out deafening in the quietness.
‘Nia, please—’
‘Go away, James.’
I can almost hear him glance between Stacey and the open doorway and I hear her footsteps as she moves to stand in front of the step, blocking his path again.
After a few long moments, he speaks again. ‘Fine, I’ll go for now, but I’m not giving up
