In the backseat, Paisley tried to engage Isaac in conversation, but he stared stubbornly out the window. His brother’s death had broken him, and I wasn’t sure he was going to snap back from it.
I wasn’t sure Dan would either if we didn’t find Owen.
Where are you, Lana?
At every turn and over every hill, I expected to see a sign, something from Lana showing me she was alive and every time my heart sank when I saw nothing.
“Maybe they didn’t have anything to write with,” I said. We kept spray paint in each vehicle, but they might not have had time to grab it when they were forced out of the van.
“Maybe,” Dan said. His voice was dry and raspy. Plastic crinkled as he unscrewed the cap on his water and took a swig. “This snow is getting bad.”
I nodded. I was keeping under forty and the tires were gripping the road nicely, but from the way the sky looked and how hard the snow was falling, I supposed we’d have to find a safe place to stay before night fell. I didn’t want to search a house in the dark. The very idea of it made me sick to my stomach.
“There.” Dan pointed to our left. “Good place as any.”
Right. The dashboard clock said it was three fifteen. It would be getting dark soon, sooner if the snow got worse. I eased up on the gas and tapped the brakes until we were going slow enough to take the turn without sliding off the road.
Gravel popped under our tires, though it was muffled by the snow. I hoped to heaven we wouldn’t get snowed in. There was no telling if the house would have food, or access to water. We had the tents, sleeping bags, and a huge boxful of hand warmers, the kind hunters put in their gloves and boots. Whether that would be enough to keep us from freezing to death, I didn’t know. Probably not, not with the way we were going.
I turned off the vehicle and we sat in the quiet of the snow, watching.
Well, some of us.
Isaac’s door slammed shut and he was up the stairs to the house’s door before we could yell at him to come back. I expected Paisley to follow; that had been her MO since Jude died and Isaac went nuts: follow Isaac into whatever danger he threw himself. Now she sat there sobbing, shaking her head.
“Paisley?”
“I’m not going. I’m not following him anymore.”
I frowned at Dan, then reached over the seat to take her hand. “You don’t have to follow—”
“I promised Jude! I promised I’d take care of his brother and I’ve tried. I have but he doesn’t want me to save him. Or protect him. Or whatever. He wants to die, and I don’t want to die with him.” She pulled free and buried her face in her hands.
Dan sat uncomfortably for a few minutes while I tried to soothe her, then he said, “Going to go make sure he doesn’t get himself killed,” and left.
Secretly, I wasn’t mad at all that I’d been left behind to comfort. I hated clearing places, hated wondering when one of them might pop out of a shadowy corner or dark closet and bite the crap out of me. I didn’t want to get eaten.
“I hate him.”
“Who?”
“Isaac.” Paisley swiped her cheeks, sniffling as she did. “He never liked me, never liked it that Jude loved me. He wanted to break us up. He was such a shit to me, a shit, and I spent these last few weeks trying to keep a promise I made I didn’t even want to keep!” Her bottom lip trembled, but she looked less sad and more angry, which I thought was an improvement. “You know how many times I almost died? Fucking dick! Dick!”
I managed to keep myself from shushing her. Somehow, I didn’t think she would take it kindly, not right now.
“I’m not doing it anymore. Not following him, not fucking trying to keep his stupid ass alive. He can go fuck himself.” She looked resolute for about five seconds and then her face crumbled. “This sucks.”
“It does.” I’d never been good at comforting people. Lana had been our relationship’s official sympathizer. She knew I was shit at it, teased me about it so many times.
What would she say right now?
Lana, where are you?
“You’re right,” I finally said into the uncomfortable silence. “He’s an ass. This does suck. This whole thing sucks.” Paisley looked startled, but I plowed on. “You lost your boyfriend. I lost my wife. Dan his kid. His kid! This whole thing sucks balls. But listen, you need to take care of yourself now. You’ve been living too long for other people. And you don’t owe Isaac shit.”
She was nodding again, her lips firming. “You’re right. You are. From now on, it’s all about me. Us. Not Isaac, not if he keeps up this shit.”
“You go girl.”
Dan knocked on my window and nearly scared the shit out of us both. I opened my door and he said, breath visible in the frigid air, “House is cleared—there was no one inside. There’s water and a fireplace. Let’s get our stuff.”
We hauled our gear inside the cozy little house and the first thing I noticed was the heat. “It’s warm.”
“Propane. They had it set on sixty and it stayed nice and cozy in here.”
We put the tents in a corner since we wouldn’t have to sleep in them tonight, and I was almost giddy with excitement that I couldn’t see my breath.
We moved the furniture back against the far walls and hauled down two mattresses from upstairs. Paisley made the beds and we smashed them together, so that it looked like a teenager’s sleepover. We had armfuls of quilts that we piled on the couch for bedtime, and then we rummaged through the cupboards for food
