“She knew, Ma,” Jackson says.
“She loved you so much,” Tucker adds.
When I can talk without sobbing, I say, “I’m so glad she had you two by her side until the end. Thank you for taking care of her.”
They nod, their eyes wet with unshed tears. We trudge back to the SUV and I introduce Alex, Peter, and Gloria. “They’d like to stay with us if there’s room.”
“Of course. Jared and Kevin are working on another cabin. Mr. and Mrs. Peterson used to work here, so they know how a lot of this stuff works, and we even have a garden started.” It’s a mishmash of information, but I take it in as best I can, making a mental note to thank the Petersons for helping save my kids.
“Your grandparents?” I ask.
“They’re good,” Tucker says. “Though Grandma says she’s going to walk to the nearest town to get coffee if someone doesn’t take her to get some.”
I snort. “Sounds like Mom.” I hug them again impulsively. “You don’t know how hard your mom and I worked to get back here to you.”
“Over a thousand miles,” Jackson says. “We worked it out on the map. Were there a lot of zombies on the way?”
I think about everything I saw, about the dead things that tried killing us, the ones that almost fooled me, the ones that we put down, about the mobs that made the roads almost impassable. “Yes,” I say. “So many. And every time I saw one, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d find you guys turned when I got home. You can’t even understand the relief I felt when I didn’t see any blood in or near our house.”
Tucker rolls his eyes. “As if we’d die in the zombie apocalypse. We were prepared, remember?”
I ruffle his hair even though he hates it. “I know. That’s what gave me strength to keep going whenever I wanted to quit. Whenever things got … rough.” Rough. Wasn’t that the understatement of the year? “I can’t believe I made it and we’re together again.”
“Duh. We knew you’d both make it back to us,” Jackson says.
“Yeah. And you both did.”
I smile. It’s bittersweet because Lana isn’t here to share this moment with me, but it’s there. “Yeah. We both did.”
Later, they give me Lana’s letter, but I save it until we’ve made introductions, until they show me where they’ve been living, until we’ve eaten and settled in. I take the letter back out to Lana’s grave and sit on it cross-legged, paper in hand.
I smooth it out, careful of the paper, almost feeling her presence as I begin to read.
Ah, sweet Dee. I miss you. I wish you were here with us now and I’m so sorry we split up back in Nebraska. I didn’t want to, but it was a mess. Ivy was a mess. The kids … well. In case you never found him, I left Owen at a diner in South Dakota with a group of people I know will take good care of him. I had to leave him. He … kept having nightmares, kept screaming. He would have gotten us killed. And he was just tired of running, tired of seeing those things.
The boys are good. They’re healthy. They’re alive. We did it, Dee. We raised great kids. They’ve turned out so well. They kept your parents alive, kept the Petersons alive. They’ve been integral to the survival of everyone here in Eatonville. You’d be so proud of them.
Speaking of the boys and the Petersons … maybe you’re wondering why I didn’t leave you a note at the house. Well, I found the letter the boys left, but before I could write anything, the shit hit the fan. I’m sure you know what it was like in the city. They were everywhere and … I barely got the damned note in the box and the box back in the wall before I had to get out of there. I’m so sorry.
Dee? Oh, Dee. I am so mad at myself.
I suppose you know I got bit. I did it helping a man and his little boy. I did it because I needed to honor you in some way. And damn it, you’d better not feel guilty about that, Dee This was a good thing, even if I got hurt doing it. Remember me yelling at you for wanting to help? I’m sorry. I was so focused on getting to the boys I couldn’t think of anyone else. But once I got here and saw what the boys had been doing, what everyone here had been doing to take care of each other, I wanted my survival to mean something more than just making it to the end. So, I stopped and helped and look where that got me.
Nah. It’s okay. I’ve made my peace with it. It kills me I won’t be here to see you one more time, but maybe this is better. You won’t have to watch me die. You’ll see the grave, see my letter, and know that I did everything I could to get back to them and see you again.
At least I got one thing right.
I love you Dee. I thank my lucky stars that I got to spend some of the best years of my life with you and I’m going to die knowing we did right by our boys. You and me. We helped shape them into the fine young men they are today, and I can’t be any prouder.
I love you always.
Survive, love. Do it for me. And don’t just survive.
Live.
Yours always,
Lana.
I sit for a long time with her letter in my lap and tears on my face. Then I get up and go inside to where my boys are waiting for me, where my new friends make dinner, where my journey has landed me and I thank my lucky stars for being alive to enjoy it all.
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