I knew there would be a further conversation about Ethan taking part in the bidding, but I didn’t want to start it surrounded by his friends. It would be a perfect opportunity to show him how little his scars would affect the public.
Benji didn’t listen to Scott, and he continued talking. “No, but for real man. You can’t be scared to take off your shirt your whole life. And you can’t be afraid of fires if you’re going to be a firefighter.”
“Benji, shut up,” Ethan said. His voice didn’t have much power, almost as if he didn’t want everyone to know how much the words affected him.
“Seriously, man. I can’t trust that you have my back if you’re afraid to go into fires. I wasn’t here when you got hurt, but I heard about it. It was forever ago,” Benji said. He didn’t look angry, and I was thoroughly convinced that he wasn’t aware of how he was hurting Ethan. There were scars on Ethan’s side, but the ones that hurt him most were internal, and Benji was stabbing at all of them.
“You can’t trust me to have your back?” Ethan asked. A fire burned in his eyes, and I knew Benji had gone way too far. “You think I would hesitate for one fucking second if one of you were trapped in a burning house? I wouldn’t wait for backup. I didn’t wait for backup when Lena’s house was burning down. Why? Because I’m a damn good firefighter. Would you risk your ass to save a dying family if it means you might not walk out alive, Benji? Would you?”
Benji looked startled by Ethan’s outburst, and every set of eyes moved between Benji, Ethan, and me. Derrick looked confused, unsure of how the talk grew so loud all at once. He rushed from Garrett’s side and stood beside me. I flushed as I realized that they all knew my secret.
Garrett stood and grabbed Benji by the scruff of the neck, dragging him from the room before he had the chance to dig the whole deeper. Silence was all that was left for precious moments before the fire bell sounded.
Sylvia and I stood motionless as the men dropped all they were doing and rushed toward their suits, preparing for another hectic fire. It was all I could do to keep a straight face through the embarrassment of what just happened. Was I embarrassed for myself, for Benji, or for Ethan? I knew Benji was considered the dumb one of the friends, but could he possibly be so oblivious to Ethan’s struggles?
I considered going home with Derrick as he stood at my side, unsure of what to think of Ethan’s raised tone and swearing. Sylvia looked at me. “You never told me,” she whispered. I never imagined anything would make Sylvia speechless.
“I didn’t think it was important,” I told her. “I didn’t want you to look at me like you are right now.”
She rubbed her face and spoke through her hands. “It’s just something a friend would know.” She shook her head. “And Ethan? That’s why you two got so close all of the sudden?”
“He’d been helping around my yard out of guilt for years, so I asked to do a job for him instead,” I explained. I felt immensely guilty for using his broken heart and shattered mentality to advance my own agenda. I hadn’t realized the extent of what I was doing—how I was taking advantage of him—until speaking to Sylvia.
Sylvia stood and made her way out the door. “I just need to walk away for a little while,” she admitted before leaving Derrick and I alone.
Did withholding such a big part of myself hurt our friendship? Did I break that, too? “Are they mad at Ethan for helping us out of the fire?” Derrick asked.
I whipped my head around to him as the fire truck sirens fled the building. I opened my mouth to respond, but how would I explain this to a five-year-old? No, dear. They’re mad because Ethan is scared of his own body and of fires. It was saving us that did that to him. For once, I was clueless.
“We’re not mad at Ethan for that,” Garrett replied from the doorway. He looked exhausted. “We’re not mad at Ethan for anything. It was just a misunderstanding. Do you ever have misunderstandings?” Garrett asked Derrick.
Derrick looked confused. “Like when I don’t know how to spell a word that mommy is teaching me?”
Garrett and I couldn’t help but smile. “Not exactly. If your mom asks you to eat your vegetables, and you are confused because you don’t have any vegetables on your plate because mommy forgot them, that’s a misunderstanding.”
Derrick did his best impersonation of a little scowl. “Mommy never forgets vegetables.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t, kid.” Garrett led him toward the couch and turned up the muted cartoons. Derrick had gotten his fair share of cartoons in the past weeks because of the Garrett and Ethan, and I felt like I was failing as a parent.
Garrett left Derrick on the couch and gestured for me to follow him out of the room. When we made it into the hallway, he stopped and faced me. Behind his tired eyes was a look of uncertainty and worry. “You need to understand what went down in there, because if you’re going to make it work with him, you have to get it. You can’t leave him like Taylor. You can’t break him more, because I don’t think he could survive being torn down again.”
A seed of anger rose in me at the accusations. “Why would you think I’d ever hurt him like Taylor did?” I spat out her name like it was a bug on my tongue.
“Accepting him for being like this is not what
