She crossed her arms again. “Fine. But please just say what you have to say and get it over with.”
He nodded. “I—I wanted to apologize to you and to thank you.”
That caught her attention. “To thank me? For what?”
A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “You aren’t interested in the apology?”
She grunted. “Sure. But I can imagine what you want to apologize for. The thanks is the unexpected part.”
“Let me get the apology out first.” He reached for her hands, and she let him take them in both of his, his blue eyes imploring. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted. For expecting you to give up on something that you wanted, that you’ve worked hard for, so I didn’t have to break out of my comfort zone. I’m sorry for being a complete jackass and fucking everything up. And I want to thank you for making me see how scared I was of trying to do something I care about. For making me see how much I was settling already.”
He looked away for a minute, licking his lips, gathering himself for the next part. “I’ve dreamed of being my own boss since I was a teenager, but I’ve always been told that that’s for people with money, rich people, not people like my family who scrape to get by, living paycheck to paycheck. We had enough, but just enough, nothing extra. I was supposed to go to college so I could get a good job so I didn’t have to worry so much about money. So I could afford to take vacations and do fun things. All my parents ever wanted was for me to get a good job with a great benefits package and start saving for retirement right out of college. They were so proud of me for getting a job offer before I even graduated. And the fact that I got a scholarship to cover most of my tuition means that I don’t even have tons of student loan debt. Not like some of my friends.
“Anyway, that’s not the point. You made me see that I was too much of a coward to go after what I want. I have a business and marketing degree. I have ideas. Well, you’re the one who gave me the best idea, so I have to thank you for that, too. I’m starting my own surf travel company. I’m starting with beginner packages for people who want to learn to surf. I handle all the arrangements. All they do is pay for it and show up. I’m taking my first group in June. That, plus my savings, and a couple friends who’ve promised to invest as well as be some of my first customers, means I’m quitting Eco Utilities at the end of May. Don’t tell anyone there, though. I haven’t let them know yet.”
She stood there stunned, not expecting any of this. He was quitting his job? Starting his own company? Because of her? He looked into her eyes, his mouth open like he wanted to say more, but he closed it and swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.
“Why—why are you telling me this?”
His eyebrows went up. “Well, like I said, I wanted to thank you. If you hadn’t said something about taking people on surfing vacations before you broke up with me, I wouldn’t have ever come up with that on my own. Or had the guts to go after it. You make me braver, stronger. And—” He cut his eyes to the side, then looked her in the eye again, his hands tightening around hers. “Well, I’d hoped maybe you would be willing to try again. If I’m not working at Eco Utilities there’s no conflict. But if you’re with someone else, then, I guess that’s off the table.” His grip on her hands loosened. “I still wanted you to know, though, regardless.”
His fingers slipped away from hers, and her hands dropped to hang limp at her sides. She stood there staring at Matt, her eyes roaming over his face, unsure what to say or how to respond.
“Hannah?” Daniel’s voice cut through her daze. “Are you back here?”
Matt flinched, turning at the sound of her name. “Hey, Carter. Sorry to interrupt your date. I just needed to talk to Hannah for a minute.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and Hannah watched as his expression shut down, his face going to that neutral mask that she had seen him hide behind before, but rarely with her.
Annoyance at Daniel flashed through her. And annoyance with herself. What was she doing? She was here on a date with Daniel. She was supposed to be getting over Matt, not standing with him in dark hallways, memorizing his face and wishing she could press her body against his once more.
She closed her eyes, facing the fact that she wasn’t over Matt, despite her best efforts. Would she ever be able to get over him? Did she need to? He was quitting Eco Utilties. There was no more conflict. He’d said so. But did that mean he cared about her as much as she cared about him? Or was he quitting just because he was already tired of working in a job he didn’t care about?
Opening her eyes, she drew in a breath to ask Matt what he wanted by telling her this. By saying he wanted to try again. But before she could get the words out, Matt had taken a step backward, then another, and he turned and went back to the party. She stared after him, her mouth hanging open, all her words clogging her throat.
She dragged in a breath, and it came out on a sob, tears running down her cheeks.
Daniel wrapped an arm around her,
