Should I? It’s one thing to play the part in front of a demanding crowd, to get carried away and caught up in the moment and let my feelings run away with me. It’s another thing entirely to make a conscious plan to tear down the wall I’ve erected. A wall meant to keep us both safe.
But it’s Colt. Colt who cooks for me, who makes sure I stick to my diet even if he doesn’t like that I’m on one, who smiles whenever I enter a room even if I’ve only been gone for a minute to use the bathroom, who makes me laugh, who cares about me far more than my career or what I’m doing for him. And that’s when it hits me. This is already more than a business exchange. Denying our chemistry won’t make it go away, and what if ignoring what’s between us, the real feelings that have already developed on both sides, is what really causes the heartache I’m desperate to avoid? If we’re both miserable now, how is that better than avoiding a different kind of misery later?
On an exhale, I give a shallow nod. His eyes darken, and a wicked smile pulls on his lips. Looking past me, he signals one of the techs, and she brings out our guitars. Another tech jogs out and takes away the stool. We’ll perform the encore standing and sharing a mic.
Giddiness bubbles inside me as I slip my guitar over my head. The thrill of debuting another song mixes with the anticipation of what I just agreed to when we get home. That heady rush of adrenaline that sharpens all the senses makes me extra aware of Colt standing next to me, his body throwing off as much heat as the stage lights. Tonight is the best night I’ve had in a long time. And I have a feeling it’s only going to get better.
The crowd quiets down as we double check our tuning and get ourselves situated in front of the microphone. The mic is set at my height, which means Colt will have to bend a bit to sing into it with me when it’s his turn. But it’s easier than me going up on my toes, and given what the song is about, it’s a cute effect for us to share instead of having separate mics. In the future, we should insist on the wireless lavalier mics that can be worn in your hair or around your ear. It would make this easier, and we could still stage it in a cute way where we play and sing to each other without the hassle of sharing a mic. Since we didn’t have choreography or any way to get it for this show, we went with the more old-fashioned mics on stands to go with our intimate, stripped-down set vibe.
Huh. Here I am already planning future shows with Colt.
But let’s be honest with ourselves. How could I give this up?
There’s no guarantee that any label will decide I’m worth the risk again. But who cares? We can make things happen on our own. This is what I love to do. This is what I live for.
I glance at Colt, who gives me a smile and a thumbs up to tell me he’s ready. Having this sweet, sexy man by my side to plan this and create this together? Even though I’ve already convinced myself that giving into our attraction is possibly for the best, there’s still a part of me that wonders if taking our relationship off paper and into the bedroom is a bad idea. But I’m tired of trying to play it safe.
This whole performance was a risk, and it’s already paying off. Everything that led to Golden Enigma getting where we were was a series of calculated risks and not backing down or giving up even when something didn’t go the way we wanted.
The latest hit—the accident, the rehab, the legal trouble … some things are too much to overcome. At least collectively.
But I’m not done yet. I’m not ready to give up and give this up. Not when I can have it back on my own terms.
And I’m ready for my terms to include taking advantage of sharing my bed with Colt.
Which makes it all the more fitting that this duet is called, “No Going Back.”
I return Colt’s smile, hoping it broadcasts everything I’m feeling, and turn to the crowd. “This is another new song inspired by a lot of the things that have happened in my life over the last few months, not least of which is getting hitched to this guy over here.” I pause, smiling at the claps and cheers and wolf-whistles. “It’s called ‘No Going Back.’ I hope you like it.”
Another round of cheers and applause greets my statement, but I start in with the opening right away, vamping long enough for them to grow quiet again before I start singing.
And when Colt joins in, moving in close and singing into the microphone with me, it’s the most natural thing in the world to turn and face him, to sing the rest of the song to him, and have him sing it back to me.
It’s right and it’s beautiful and the words of the song have never been more true than right in this moment. There’s no going back, and I wouldn’t want to even if I could.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Colt
It’s after midnight by the time the driver drops us off at the apartment, and I’m still flying high after that performance.
But the silence in the apartment is oppressive, and Alexis closes and locks the door softly behind us once we’re inside. We move slowly, quietly, unwilling to make too much noise as the tension between us builds.
And for the first time today, she’s avoiding my gaze, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Alexis,” I say softly, finally breaking the silence
