In the bathroom I threw off my robe and stepped into the shower stall before the water had thoroughly warmed. The icy droplets pricked at my skin. As I lathered myself with soap, I tried not to think about Andrea or Rob, but it didn’t work. I’d never left them in the house alone and wondered where their romantic tryst occurred. It must have been at the Walkers’ or in Rob’s car. Either way the thought revolted me.
The water finally heated up enough to bring my body temperature back to normal just as I was ready to get out. I blotted myself with the towel. Glancing in the mirror, I saw a leathery face that had aged in the past week.
The cordless telephone by my bed squealed. It must be Mom, I thought. Or was it Rob? I wrapped the towel around my torso and ran to answer.
“Hello?”
“It’s me,” Laurie said.
“I’m glad you called.” I needed a friend to talk to.
“I’ve really had it this time,” she said in a scratchy growl.
“What happened?”
Her voice swelled with indignation. “Dave accused me of having an affair.”
“Are you?”
“No. Is that what you told him?”
“Of course not, but when he said he was looking for you, I didn’t lie.” Out the window, I could see the treetops bend and shake as the wind picked up. “Where were you?”
The line fell silent. “Okay, I was having lunch with someone—a man—in a public place.”
“Laurie, are you crazy? Why?”
“Because I’m lonely. Because Dave loves his work more than he loves me. If he came home to find the house had been ransacked, he’d check to see if his computer was missing before he’d worry about his wife and kids.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. And even if he did, that doesn’t justify your seeing another man.” I wished we were speaking face-to-face so she could see the full force of my disapproval. “Did Dave find out about your date?”
“Sort of. When I got home, he was on the warpath. Where had I been? Why hadn’t I left my cell phone on? If I was shopping, where were my packages? Acting like some private detective.”
Goose bumps erupted on my arms as a draft wafted across my damp skin. With my ear clamping the receiver against my shoulder, I dropped the towel to the floor and struggled into my bathrobe.
“I never should have married him,” she said. “If I had it to do over again, I would have stayed single—except for having the kids, of course.”
“Dave may mess up sometimes, but he adores you. Look at how he treats you.”
“You mean all the presents? He loves buying things because he has a spending addiction. That’s why we never have any money in our savings account. What I need is a man who’s really there for me, emotionally and physically. Someone who appreciates me for more than raising kids and serving dinner at six o’clock, assuming he happens to show up. You wouldn’t believe how many times Dave’s called at seven to say he’s tied up at the office.”
What could I say? For years I’d envied Laurie’s lifestyle. I loved my friend, but her complaints sounded like teeth biting into Styrofoam.
“Anyway, I’m thinking about getting a legal separation,” she said. “I’ve already started looking in the classifieds for an apartment, in case he refuses to move out.”
“You can’t be serious. You’re making a huge mistake.”
“No, I’m not. You did it. You got divorced, and you’ve been telling me for years it’s the best move you ever made.”
If only I could take those words back. “But Phil was an alcoholic and a womanizer. Dave’s sober and supports you like a queen. What will you do for money?”
“I’ve been thinking about getting a job anyway. It’s boring having nothing to do all day.”
I tried to envision Laurie showing up for work every morning, even when her hair wasn’t frosted or her nails polished. “Okay, if you want to work, try something part-time,” I said. “But boredom’s not grounds for ending a marriage. Please, promise me you’ll wait a day or two before you say anything to Dave.”
When she didn’t answer, I knew it was time to get real—no more pretending. “You don’t know how lonely I’ve been, how many times I’ve wished I’d stuck it out with Phil.” I watched raindrops rolling down the windowpanes like tears sliding down a woman’s face. “How would you like to see Dave with another woman the way I have to watch Phil and Darla? And think of the kids. Growing up in a single-parent family hasn’t helped Rob one bit.”
Laurie began to weep. “I thought you’d support me. Now I don’t know what to do.”
I knew what Mom would say, that Laurie should turn to God for guidance. “Maybe this is a good time to pray,” I said for lack of anything wiser.
Hanging up, I fell onto the bed and closed my eyes. It had been almost eighteen years since I came home to find my apartment in shambles and Phil gone. I’d yanked open the top drawer of his bureau, where he kept his socks and underwear. Emptiness had gaped back like a crater. I’d spun around and eyed the room. No dirty laundry piled in the corner. No toothbrush and comb by the sink. He was gone.
A torrent of sorrow took over my heart that night. I’d looked up to heaven and asked, “God, how could you let this happen?” Bitterness had tightened my throat; the sob erupting from my gut solidified in my chest.
I had once believed that all the shattered fragments of my life would be repaired miraculously if I loved God. But that was a bunch of religious malarkey. How many times had I lain awake praying, wondering when Phil
