Nero was next. He’d been running forward, probably to tackle Cheesy, but Bruce already knew that wouldn’t work. Just as he got near enough to slam his fist down, his body lurched as he started listing stats from personnel files. He started with Josh, talking about his academic accomplishments and family tree.
Meanwhile, Laddin started shaking in Bruce’s arms. He moaned “no” in such a despairing whisper that it wrenched Bruce’s attention away from everyone else. “No,” he repeated. Laddin was terrified of repeating what he’d just escaped. His body shook, his eyes were wild, and he rocked back and forth while whispering no over and over.
This man, who had been nicknamed Mr. Happy by his teammates, was completely undone. If he started listing more explosive facts, it was going to break him. Bruce knew it as surely as he knew his own name. Even if they found a way out, it would destroy Laddin.
So he made the only decision he could. “Grand Cheesy,” he said. “I will bargain again. I’ll give you something you really want.”
Josh was holding Nero, and he glared at Bruce in fury. “Haven’t you done enough?”
Bruce ignored him, though the words hurt. He was doing the best he could. It wasn’t like anyone else had better ideas.
“What do you offer?”
“I’ll make you big,” he said. He pointed at Bilious Brie. “Maybe as big as him.”
“You can promise this?” Cheesy asked.
Bruce wanted to say yes right away, but he’d learned that there was always a loophole, always a problem. So he asked the smartest guy he knew if his logic was sound. Looking at Josh, he spoke quickly.
“When the fairies came out of me yesterday, they didn’t come back big, but when Brie went through Bitterroot, he came out huge. That’s because Bitterroot is made of fairy magic, right? Brie absorbed that magic and became large.”
Josh frowned as he thought things through. “Yeah, I guess. But it’s hard to say—”
“Good enough for me.” He turned back to Cheesy. “I can promise to make you bigger. If I succeed, you will let all of us go and you’ll never bother us again. If I screw up and it doesn’t work, then you still let them go. You don’t fucking touch any of them.”
Laddin looked up, his eyes huge. “No, Bruce—”
Bruce kept going. “But you get me as your slave. Whatever you want.”
“For a day!” Josh bellowed. “Just for a day.”
“For your lifetime,” Cheesy said. “Or I stay with what I have.” He pointed a finger at Laddin. Jesus, he was going to hit Laddin next.
“Okay!” Bruce screamed. “I agree!” Then he reached out his hand. “You win, Bitterroot!” he bellowed into the air, knowing that the fairy prince was likely listening. “I’ll eat it.” Then, for extra emphasis, he repeated the asshole’s name three times. “Bitterroot, Bitterroot, Bitterroot!”
“What?” Josh gasped. “Don’t be an idiot!”
Bruce shot his brother a look of disbelief. Why couldn’t Josh see that there weren’t any other options? Then Mr. Salad Fairy appeared directly between him and Josh, and Bruce held out his hand for the apple.
“Standard terms?” Bitterroot asked.
“Yes. Fine.” He rushed out the words before they could choke him. At this point he didn’t care what the terms were. It was worth it if the others went free… if Laddin and Josh stayed safe.
“Done.”
The apple plopped into Bruce’s hand, and he didn’t waste any time. He bit down into the red, juicy fruit, and he loved every damned bite. The tingle, the taste, even the smell was divine. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a butterfly drift away on the wind, but it was a vague impression drowned out by the feeling of the power that started flooding his system. The more that Bitterroot had promised. His body strengthened as exhaustion disappeared. His mind thought ten times faster. A hundred times! He scanned the field and caught details he hadn’t noticed before. Stupid things, irrelevant things, but he noticed them nonetheless. He saw that Josh had burn scars on his ankles, that Bilious Brie had a pasty white exterior but that the inside of his mouth was that sickly green color, and that Laddin had finally stopped shaking but was now holding on to Bruce like he had last night, with need mixed with tenderness. That, plus a healthy amount of terror.
And when the apple was all done, Bruce did an experiment. He was supposed to be more of whatever he focused on. He tightened his fist and brought it down on the dirt right next to Cheesy, all the while thinking about how his strength needed to be more.
It was. He smashed into the dirt as if he’d used Thor’s hammer. Cheesy and the other cheeses didn’t even blink, but everyone else did. And Bruce knew that it had worked.
That meant it was time for the yucky part. And it really sucked, because he still had that glorious taste of apple in his mouth. Fuck, he really didn’t want to do this.
“Okay,” he said to Cheesy. “Come on. Let me eat you.”
Everyone else looked disgusted, but no more than Bruce felt. It was Cheesy who brushed a lumpy bit of feta off his arm and said pompously, “That is not dignified for a Grand Cheesy.”
Bruce gaped. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“If you wish to transfer magic to me, you can simply touch me.”
Really? Well, thank God, because he didn’t want to eat the guy anyway. Especially if it would save him a five-minute fart. So he took a deep breath and focused on giving more to Cheesy. More magic, more size, more whatever it was that had made Brie into a six-foot-tall walking nightmare. And he prayed with everything he had that this would work.
It didn’t. At first.
There were long agonizing seconds when nothing seemed to change. But then the Grand Cheesy began to swell. Just like Brie,
