Empire's End

temple, for there were errands my mother needed to run on the way, but at last we arrived. A group of worshippers were already there. Some were girls, like me, with dolls in their hands. We glanced at each other shyly, but there was no time to make friends. Before I knew it, I had laid my doll on the altar of Venus. There was the smell of incense and a priestess recited prayers, and we were moved on – after my mother had given a donation, of course, for the temple roof. My prayer had gone to Venus, along with Lucia and her six dresses that I had sewn together with my own clumsy hands. The next clothes I sewed would be real clothes for real children, I realised. The thought made my stomach feel as if caged birds were fluttering all around inside it.

My mother kept me close to her as we left the temple and returned to our waiting litter. I almost wanted to cry. I felt a little foolish, let down by the day and nervous about the future. Most of all, I felt angry with Nurse, for not being there, for being missing on the very first day I was grown up. I thought of all the cruel, stern, reproachful things I would say to her when I got back.

But when I got back, she was not there.

By the evening, it was clear – unbelievably – that she had run away.

*

“Someone has stolen her,” I said to my father. “Nurse would never run away. This is her home.”

He looked at me with pity, but shook his head. “Who would steal an old woman? No, it’s clear she has gone. She picked a good day to run, knowing we would be sailing the next day. I will send out messengers and when she is caught she will be returned to Livia’s family, who will deal with her.”

“But – what will happen to her?”

“She has run away. They will have to whip her or brand her.”

“No!”

“Camilla, if we do not, what is to stop every slave from doing the same?”

“But not Nurse!”

My father took my hand and led me to the window. From the window of his study we could look down towards the busy city and the marketplace.

“You remember how we admired the arch that Septimius Severus gave to us?” said my father to me. “Do you remember how it stands up? I told you.”

I shook my head. I did remember, but I didn’t want to.

“It stands up because every stone remains in its allotted place, and does not change its position. In the same way, being a Roman means keeping your place and doing your duty, even when it is hard,” my father told me. “Out there, there are millions of slaves. They are in every household. They stay in their place because they respect the strength of Rome. The law says that if one slave kills his master, all the slaves in the household must be put to death, even if there are hundreds of them.”

“That’s. . . not fair!”

“It is Roman law. It is our law. We have peace, because our law works. We must show the world how Rome behaves to rebels, or every slave will rise up and destroy us. We did not ask to be Romans, but we are – and we must hold together.”

There was nothing else for me to say. I cried in my room for the rest of the night.

How could Nurse have run off? I asked myself over and over again. How could she have been so ungrateful? I punched my cushion and pretended it was her. I would have broken my doll and pretended it was her, but Lucia was with Venus now.

None of it made a difference. The next day the weather was fair, and we set sail for Rome, as planned.

208 AD

6.

Cold Marble

We set sail from Leptis Magna on a hot spring day. The harbour was crowded with a consignment of panthers and lions for the games in Rome, and as soon as I heard the snarling from the cages and smelled the reek of them, all thoughts of Nurse were driven out of my head. Their eyes were as fierce as the sun itself – I couldn’t look into them without blinking. I had never seen anything so golden. My mother went into a panic: what if they got loose on the ship?

But the crossing was calm and none of the beasts got loose. We could even wave to the other ships that were travelling alongside us. I saw my first dolphins, threading like silver needles through the sun-glittering sea, and the captain pointed out a plume of smoke from the island where the god Vulcan’s forge was said to be. Mountains rose, blue shadows on the horizon. Veils of cloud hung over them. High up, beyond the clouds, in a bright, shining world, the gods lived. Maybe Lucia was up there with Venus, I thought to myself. And then we were in Italia: the home of the Romans, the heart of the Empire.

As soon as we reached dry land, we were flung into a confident, sweaty, bustle of people who all seemed to know where they were going. We must have stood out as new arrivals, because carriage drivers swarmed around us immediately.

“Bargain ride – direct to Rome!”

“Looking for a carriage? This is the fastest – you’ll go like Mercury!”

I clung to my mother’s hand, but my father, eyes gleaming, charged into the fray and came back with a carriage driver he swore was the best and cheapest of all. I wasn’t sure about that, but I was just glad to get away from the port.

We travelled up the busy Appian Way. I peered through the window of the carriage, fascinated by the messengers galloping by on official business, the farmers and slaves working in the fields. It all seemed so busy. It was busy in Leptis too, but