Why was it so hard to stand up to her sister about both the market and the Family Christmas? Why was it so hard for Noelle to stand up to anyone? She’d been taught her entire life to defer to her older sisters, especially Salome. But it was more than that. She’d been cocooned in the safety of Mamm’s shadow too, to the point she didn’t know what to do when times grew hard.
She felt a wave of helplessness crash over her again, just as she had when Jesse left. When Mamm was sick and then dying. When she couldn’t wake Dat.
As Holly and Carlos put their coats on, Dat spoke up from the table. “Do either of you know of a hall that might be available on Christmas? For our family gathering?”
Holly tapped the side of her face. “Have you tried local churches? I know ours does a dinner for the needy on Christmas, but others might be available.”
“That’s a good idea.” Dat turned toward Noelle. “Could you look into that?”
She nodded.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Jesse said to tell you hello.” She turned toward Dat. “And he wanted you to know that he’s praying for you.”
Dat nodded in gratitude. “I always liked that Jesse.”
Holly gave Noelle a sly smile and whispered, “Will you ever tell me the story behind all of this?”
Carlos elbowed her.
Noelle patted her friend on the shoulder. “If I ever tell the story, you’ll be the first to hear it.”
After she’d closed the door behind her friends, Noelle stood for a moment. The truth was, however, that it was a story that ended long ago. There was nothing more to tell.
The next morning, Noelle climbed out of bed to find big fluffy flakes falling in the darkness, piling upon the snow that already covered the ground. Noelle expected to spend another quiet day with Dat, but he said he was feeling much better. After he led the two of them in the closing prayer after breakfast, he said, “How about if we visit Ben and Barbara this afternoon? He invited us last Sunday. They’re having a group over for coffee in the early afternoon.”
Noelle stood and grabbed their plates. What was Dat doing? Didn’t he know she didn’t want to see Jesse?
On the other hand, it would be good for Dat to get out of the house—as long as he really did feel up to it.
Dat stood and leaned against his cane. “Noelle? What do you think?”
“Let’s see how you feel after dinner.”
He seemed to have even more energy after they finished their noon meal, so Noelle bundled up to go out and harness the horse.
Dat stood at the window. “The plows have been by. We need to take the buggy, not the sleigh.”
Noelle agreed.
An hour later, when they reached Ben and Barbara’s house, Noelle stopped the carriage by the walk to the back door. Ben bounded outside, and Noelle expected him to help Dat up the walkway, but instead he said he’d take care of the horse for her. Grateful, Noelle took Dat’s arm and they made their way to the back door. The cold stung her face as she walked, but she found it invigorating. Although she dreaded who she might find inside the house.
Barbara swung the door open and ushered them inside. Noelle quickly scanned the room. Jesse wasn’t among the group that gathered.
Relieved, she relaxed a little. After a while, the men drifted into the living room while the women stayed in the kitchen, gathered around the table. Several asked how Salome was doing. Only Barbara knew about Dat’s visit to the hospital because, it turned out, Jesse had told them. Noelle shared more about that with all of the women, even though she hated being the center of attention. But it was easier when she was talking about someone else.
A baby’s cry interrupted the conversation.
“Oh, the baby’s awake.” Barbara jumped to her feet. “I’ll be right back.”
Noelle inhaled sharply. Maybe Jesse wasn’t at the house, but his daughter was.
A few minutes later, Barbara returned with the baby in her arms. She headed straight for Noelle. “Would you hold Greta while I heat up a bottle?”
Noelle couldn’t say no as Barbara rolled the baby into her arms. Greta. It was a beautiful name. Immediately Greta began to cry. Noelle had had so much practice with nieces and nephews that she knew exactly what to do. She stepped to the window and began swaying with the baby. Greta just needed to be distracted until she could eat.
Noelle lifted the baby to her shoulder, aware of Greta’s weight against her chest. She felt as if her heart was being crushed and wondered what the other women thought. As she searched their faces, none of them seemed to be aware of the heaviness she felt. Had they all forgotten she and Jesse used to court? Did they assume that she was long over it?
Greta continued to cry, and Noelle patted the baby’s back and swayed back and forth until the crying faded away. A few minutes later, Barbara strode across the room, just as the teakettle started to whistle. She handed Noelle the bottle and then nodded toward the rocking chair. “Would you?”
Noelle took the bottle and made her way to the chair, holding on to the baby with the other hand. As she sat down, Greta started to cry again. Noelle quickly positioned the nipple into Greta’s mouth, and the baby drank voraciously. As she calmed down, her eyes met Noelle’s. The baby’s were still an inky blue. Maybe they’d lighten up like her father’s. Or perhaps her mother had brown eyes and they’d change to that. Greta smiled for a quick moment and then kept sucking.
“You’re a natural.”
Noelle lifted her head. A woman who was new to the district had spoken. Noelle simply smiled at her, but a look of confusion passed over Barbara’s face as she stood
