Sixth comes running into the room. “What did you do?” he demands.
I jump back. “I touched him,” I stammer. “I’m sorry. Is that bad?”
He scans the readings, and then he looks at me, his eyes shadowed. “You’re his mate,” he exhales. “Naomi, I’m so sorry.”
“What?” Sixth hasn’t slept either. Is that why he’s confused? “No, that’s not real. That was just our cover identity on Noturn.”
“No. When you touched him, the rathr became dormant. You’re his mate.”
“I don’t understand.” But I do. He’s my mate, and he’s dying. In one breath, the universe gives me everything I want, and in the next, it takes it all away.
“Keep touching him. It helps.”
My vigil continues.
33
Naomi
The days pass. I live in the hospital. I talk to Danek. I keep touching his icy hand. His cold face, covered in that horrible black mold. His bloodless lips.
He’s never alone. I’m always in his room, and I’m not the only one. Sixth and Raiht’vi, an unlikely duo, bark theories to each other, trying treatment after treatment, one drug cocktail after another, racing frantically to save him.
Nothing seems to be working.
Lashi’vi’s kid hovers at the edge of death too, or so Alice tells me. He’s young—so young—and it’s so very tragic. I’m too numb to absorb it.
Will went quickly. He died in the car crash. I never thought of it as a blessing. For months after the accident, I railed against the universe, angry that I never got a chance to say goodbye. That I never got a chance to tell him how much I loved him.
But now, at Danek’s bedside, I realize there’s no good way to say goodbye. There’s no way to make my peace with this. Danek could die in an instant, or he could linger, balanced between life and death, slowly and inexorably tipping over to the dark side, and neither hurts any less. They both shred my heart.
The vigil continues.
“Naomi.”
I look up. It’s Mala, the healer, and she’s holding a cup in her hand. “Drink. It’s tea. It will help.”
I take it from her. “What time is it?” What day is it? It’s dark outside. I don’t remember the colony ship switching to ‘night’ mode. I must have dozed off.
“Two. Have you eaten anything?”
“Yeah.” I wave to my half-eaten slice of pizza. “Kadir brought me lunch.”
“That was hours ago. I’ll bring you something.” She sits down next to me. “Naomi,” she says, her voice very gentle. “I don’t know if Sixth has talked to you. But Danek…”
“I know.” With each passing day, the odds of a recovery decrease. We’re approaching miracle territory. “Sixth told me.” He also told me he wasn’t done fighting. He promised me that he’d never be done fighting for Danek. As long as Danek clung to life, Sixth would work around the clock for a cure.
I believe him. I have to. It’s all I’ve got.
“Loss is a part of my profession,” she says quietly. “It doesn’t get easier.” She exhales slowly. “Fifth isn’t getting better. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but—”
“But what?”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. Her voice is infinitely kind. “It’s not long now. If there’s anything you want to say to him, do it before it’s too late.”
She leaves me, and then, it’s just the two of us. Danek and me, alone in the dark.
A few days ago, my biggest problem was finding a grey strand of hair. I’d been jealous of Kenia, for fuck’s sake. Danek couldn’t take his eyes off me, and I couldn’t bring myself to believe it.
I was afraid of heartbreak.
Joke’s on me, isn’t it? One way or the other, my heart is going to shatter.
I lace my fingers in his stiff ones. “Hey,” I whisper. “It’s me again. Mala thinks I should tell you stuff.” I have to force the words out through the sobs. “You know I love you, right? I love you so freaking much.”
He sat at my bedside, night after night, when I was sick. He pulled me from my nightmares. Whenever I needed a helping hand, he was there. Always. Without question. He mocks my cozy mysteries and he grumbles at my pets and he’s the rock that anchored me to reality. When I was lost in the dark, he showed up with a lantern and helped me find my way back. He’s everything to me.
I brush the tears away. “You always made me feel special,” I force out. “And you always make me feel normal. I know that’s a contradiction, and I know I’m not making any sense, but you know what I mean, right?”
I bend over the healing tank, and gently kiss his cold lips. “If this is the end, then I want to say this. I would never trade my time with you for anything. I would do it all over again. I would willingly sign myself up for the scientists’ torture, because that’s what brought you into my life.” I’m crying so hard that I can’t continue. I don’t want this to be the end. I don’t want it to be over, damn it. The universe owes me. It took Will away from me.
It can’t take Danek away too.
My vigil continues.
34
Naomi
Two more weeks go by.
I’m dozing off at Danek’s bedside when the machines start to beep. I jump awake with a start, dread filling every inch of my body.
The door explodes open. Sixth barrels into the room, Raiht’vi at his heels. He rushes to the displays. For a long instant, he scans the readings, and then he sinks to the floor, his head buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking.
My heart stops.
“What is it?” I demand. “Sixth. Please tell me, what is it?”
Raiht’vi looks at the displays too.
