“Phyllis,” Rosemarie said, breaking in before Scarlet could say anything else. “I drove by your house the other day, and I love the twinkle lights in the gazebo and the new pond. You should get some ducks.”
“I thought about it,” my mother said. “You can have up to six poultry in the city limits. They’d be real cute waddling around the yard.”
“And into the road,” I said, imagining a mama and baby ducks being run over by my mom’s neighbor’s Cadillac. “Edna would mow them down without remorse. I saw her hit a crow out of a tree once with a pellet gun like she was Annie Oakley.”
“She’s always been like that,” my mom said. “She’s an unpleasant woman. I think she killed her husband.”
I raised my brows at that nugget of information, but Mom didn’t expound. “What’s going on?” I asked.
“I need your help,” she said.
There was something in the tone of her voice that had me worried. She was upset, and I hadn’t noticed before. But the slight quiver in her voice was there.
“Sure,” I said. “Is everything all right?”
“I think Vince ran away with another woman, and I need you to find him and bring him home so I can kill him.”
Chapter Four
“OMG,” Suzanne said. “This is just like Real Housewives.”
Rosemarie, Suzanne, and Scarlet were all sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear the sordid details.
“Who’s that?” my mother asked.
“My friend Suzanne,” I said. “She made the cakes at my wedding.”
“I could use a good cake about now,” my mother said. “But I’m all out of wine.”
“How do you know Vince left with another woman?” I asked, trying to keep her on topic.
“Because he’s been acting real sneaky ever since before your wedding. Spending lots of time on his computer in the study, and then he’d close his laptop if I came in.”
“Maybe he’s just got a porn addiction,” Rosemarie said. “Some people are real private about that stuff.”
“I wish it was as simple as that,” she said. “But then I started finding receipts in his pants pockets, and one was for a hotel down in Miami. We don’t know anyone in Miami. And then the other day I found a napkin in his pocket with the name Angelica on it and a phone number. I was going to confront him about it, but he made up this ridiculous song and dance about going fishing with his buddies at some cabin.” My mother burst into tears.
“And then he kissed me goodbye and acted like nothing was wrong at all. The no-good, lying, cheating son of a whore. Vince has never fished a day in his life. I want you to find out who this Angelica woman is. She’s probably young and beautiful. One of those Miami table dancers that looks like JLo, and knows how to twerk. I guess it’s no fun being married to a woman too close to your own age. Who wants to deal with menopause and age spots?”
“I’ve always thought menopausal women were pretty great,” Suzanne said. “’Cause then you don’t have to deal with child support.”
“True dat,” Scarlet said, and they high-fived.
“Believe me,” Suzanne said. “I’ve had a scare or two in my life.”
I noticed Rosemarie’s cheeks flame bright red. Suzanne and Rosemarie had gone to college together, and my investigative senses were tingling. There was definitely a story there.
“Look,” I told my mother. “I’m on my way to your place now. I’ll make a few calls, and get some information, and then we’ll get to the bottom of this. Until there’s absolute proof, you need to show him some trust. Vince has always been a good guy.”
“All I want you to do is bring him back so I can know the truth,” my mother said, sounding unusually calm. “And then I’m going to tie him up and show him why my sewing shears aren’t to be used on anything besides fabric.”
Rosemarie shook her head in sympathy. “I get that. Someone is always using them to cut paper.”
“That’s no reason to geld someone with them,” I said.
“No,” Suzanne said. “But I think the gelding is because of Angelica, though I wouldn’t recommend it as a means to kill. Sounds awful messy.”
“And also because murder is bad,” I said, giving Suzanne a hard stare. “I’m on my way to your house right now. We’ll get this all sorted out. Okay?”
“Thank you,” my mother said. “I know you’re retired now, but I didn’t know who else to call. I figured it’s best we keep this in the family for now. You know how the gossips are in this town.”
I looked around at the circle of rapt faces and said, “Sure. It’s all in the family.”
I hung up and said, “I’ve got to go. Would you mind dropping Scarlet off at the house?” I asked Rosemarie.
“No way,” Scarlet said. “I’m not missing this.”
Rosemarie nodded. “What kind of friend would I be if I let you deal with this trauma all by yourself? This is your stepfather who’s disappeared after all. And your mama needs female support in a time like this. It takes a village. Besides, it’s been a whole month since I helped you solve a case, and I’m going through withdrawals.”
“Ohmigod!” Suzanne said, jumping to her feet. “I have the best idea ever. What if y’all went into business together. I can see it now.” She waved her hand in an arc, as if she could see it on a sign. “Valentine and Holmes: Wedding and Investigative Services. Y’all would be the hit of Savannah. Because you know all the brides secretly want a background check on the guy they met off the internet. That’s big business right there.”
“That’s brilliant,” Rosemarie said. “Don’t you think so, Addison?”
What I thought was I might be having a stroke. I didn’t have any control over the muscles in my body so I couldn’t shake my head or form words.
“She’s speechless,” Rosemarie said, doing a little
