“Maybe that’s what I’m doing,” Sam sneered.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t feel right,” Jared countered. “You’re hiding behind ... something. Right now, we’re not sure what happened to your wife. Once the medical examiner makes a determination, though, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble.”
“I’m actually surprised you stayed,” Harper volunteered. “Given the way you were acting last night, I thought for sure you would take off.”
“I thought I might, too,” Sam admitted, turning morose. “It was a legitimate possibility. Then I realized it would be seen as a sign of guilt if I left, and I thought that was the wrong message to send.”
“Are you worried about what other people think?” Jared prodded.
Helplessness washing over his features, Sam held out his hands and shrugged. “I don’t know what I am. I don’t even know what I’m feeling from one moment to the next. I don’t understand any of this.”
“Why don’t you tell us what happened yesterday, what you’re feeling, and we’ll try to help you?” Jared suggested. “It can’t possibly hurt, right?”
Sam opened his mouth, and Harper was convinced he was going to tell Jared to shut it. Ultimately, though, his shoulders dipped, and he lowered his forehead so he could massage it with his hand. “All of this is such a mess. I don’t even know what to do about it.”
“Talking always helps,” Harper offered. “If you’re not guilty, it would behoove you to confide in someone. We’re pretty good listeners.”
Jared shot her an approving look but otherwise remained silent.
Sam, however, squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shuddering breath. “I am guilty, though.”
Jared’s heart skipped a beat. “You killed her?”
“Not of that.” Sam snapped up his head, and there was disgust reflected back at the couple. “I would never hurt Leslie, at least not physically. I’ve done a good job of hurting her emotionally over the past few months, though. That’s what I’m guilty of.”
Harper was far too intrigued to back off now. “And what did you do to her emotionally?”
“I told her I wanted a divorce.”
Jared nodded encouragingly. “When was that?”
“A few months ago. Three to be exact.” Sam exhaled heavily. “You’re probably going to think I’m a disgusting piece of filth, but you’re right about me having to tell someone. This is all too much for me.”
Jared was calm as he waited. Harper couldn’t stop herself from diving in, though.
“Were you having an affair?” she asked.
Sam’s expression was impossible to read. “What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. You said you were feeling guilty. You were the one who asked for the divorce. I guess I just put it together.”
“It’s more difficult than that,” he countered. “Everything is ... much more difficult than that.” He ran a hand through his dark hair, which was shot through with gray. “Leslie and I have been married for twenty years.”
“Did you love her at one time?” Harper asked, legitimately curious. “I mean ... did you at least care for her before you betrayed her?”
“I did.” Sam was solemn as he bobbed his head. “We met at college. We both went to Western. We met our freshmen year and were just friends, right up until senior year. Then something shifted between us. There was a night where we drank too much and ... well ... things got out of control.
“We both felt awkward the next morning,” he continued. “She kept apologizing when it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t want her to be upset and suggested that maybe we were both acting on feelings we’d been harboring for years. She seemed to like that possibility.”
Jared’s brow furrowed. “So, basically you’re saying you dated even though you weren’t really into her.”
“No, I mean ... I cared about her. We were really good friends. I enjoyed spending time with her. We liked the same movies ... and brand of wine ... and music. We liked hiking. I never got her fascination with horror stuff, but she didn’t understand why I liked golf. It evened out.”
Suddenly Harper had a sneaking suspicion that she knew where this conversation was going. She held it together, though, and didn’t react.
“We dated for two years, and both our families kept asking when we were going to get married,” Sam explained. “I hadn’t really thought about it until that point. We were still having a good time, still comfortable together. Marriage seemed like the next step, so I proposed.
“Things were fine for the bulk of our marriage,” he continued. “Everything with us was fine. Just always fine. At a certain point, though, I realized that fine wasn’t enough. I wanted sparks ... and magic ... and little hearts to float over my head when I met the right person.”
Harper felt some of the resentment she’d been hoarding like gold regarding Sam dissipating. “You’re gay.”
Jared jerked up his chin. “Harper!”
Sam chuckled at Jared’s reaction, waving a hand as he shook his head. “It’s fine. Your fiancée is perceptive. She’s much more perceptive than Leslie, or even me for a time. I always knew there was something I was missing in my life. I didn’t know exactly what that something was ... until I met someone.
“You know, I’ve heard people say they had an immediate ‘click’ with individuals, and I never understood what they meant until about a year ago,” he said. “I felt the click finally, and it was with another man. That’s when I realized exactly what was wrong with me.”
Harper balked. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. It’s who you are.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Sam reassured her. “I don’t mean that I think there’s something wrong with me in that manner. It’s just ... nothing ever seemed to fit right. Things were always slightly off. Just a smidge. My life was almost a fit, but somehow wrong.”
“Oh.” Harper nodded in understanding. Life with Zander had prepared her for this conversation and she found she was more sympathetic than she might’ve otherwise anticipated. “I get it.”
“I
