“Okay, well, those are the things I know about you. I want you to tell me something else. Something completely random.”
“Uh, well…” I clasp my hands on my lap and stare hard at the flames. “I like to watch amateur horror movies.”
“What?” Rowan squeals. “What is that?”
“Like, online. People make horror movies that are anywhere between three minutes and twenty minutes long. Some of them are film students; some of them are independent studios. It’s pretty fun finding new ones, discovering new artists.”
“But horror? That’s so—so creepy. And gross. Some of them are disturbing.”
“Some of them are,” I agree. “But some of them are really well done. Like, shit your pants scary. Have to sleep with the light on for a week scary. Can’t go out past dark scary. Check the back seat of your car every single time you get in scary. Look under the bed for monsters scary.”
She laughs again, her eyes lighting up as she studies me. I don’t look away. I know I should, but I just can’t make myself do it. “Why would you do that to yourself? If I did that, I don’t think I could live alone.”
“Now there’s something I didn’t know about you.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure if she flushes or if it’s just the glow from the fire. “Uh, yeah. I live alone. No roommate or anything.”
“Do you have siblings?”
“A sister. She’s three years older than me. She’s a teacher. She lives in Orlando, so we don’t get to see each other that often.”
“It’s handy to have someone who lives somewhere warm, though,” I protest. “You could spend all your winter vacations there. Seems alright to me.”
“It is. We were never really close growing up because she’s actually three and a half years older, so she was four grades ahead of me. She moved out before I even really got into high school. She was almost finished with college when I graduated. Anyway, we’re closer now. We don’t need to live in the same city or state or whatever to have that bond. When we see each other again, we can just pick up where we left off.”
“And your parents? They live here?”
“They do. Uh, we’re not that close either. I don’t know. We’re not not close. I just—I made some decisions they didn’t really approve of, and it kind of was hard for us for like four years or so, and I guess our relationship still hasn’t fully recovered.”
“Decisions?”
Rowan grimaces before she turns away. I can tell she doesn’t want to talk about this, but she’s not one of those people who back down. She’s not like anyone I’ve ever met before. She’s fearless in a way that so few people are. She has this unnerving ability to look at you and see past all the garbage no one else ever does. She says what she means, and she’s not afraid to admit she has her own faults too. I can see how she’d be good at her job.
“I dated this guy for four years. He was really controlling, and it really affected all my other relationships, including the one I have with my family. I had almost no friends left at the end of it. I didn’t even realize how alienated I was from everything and everyone. It was stupid. Really. Stupid. I was young and naïve, and I thought that was love. I—uh—obviously know now that it wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it. I’d like to find the said guy and make him realize the error of his ways to the tune of rubbing his face in a bag of dog poop.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Rowan says softly. She pauses and lets out a breath. “Maybe I’m not the best person to be giving dating advice. I’ve been at my job for a long time now—through the whole relationship—and I’m good at it. I paired a lot of people who are married now. They’re happy. Some of them even have families.” She shrugs, still studying the fire. “Maybe I was one of those people who could fix everyone else, but I couldn’t see what was happening right in front of me.”
Her voice is sad. Heavy. I didn’t anticipate talking about any of this tonight. I don’t know what I thought would happen, but it wasn’t this. Rowan is so open and honest that it makes my chest close up. I owe her something. A truth for a truth. Even if it makes me sound pathetic.
“I… I didn’t have a similar experience, but I did date someone much earlier on. I was young, as well. Naïve too, but I loved her. I truly did. I thought she loved me too, but she made it very clear she was just using me for what I could give her financially. After I finished college, I joined the company, and I was making good money. My parents might have a high net worth, but most of that money is invested in the company or elsewhere. It’s not like I have tons of cash just stocked away. It’s the potential of it, I guess. I don’t know. That doesn’t sound right. I guess it’s just safe to say that my family has money. A lot of it. It’s common knowledge. I have enough of my own investments and assets too. People can look that up. Ever since that first relationship, I guess I’ve had a tough time trusting people. I haven’t wanted to date. Period. I haven’t wanted to find someone. I
