FRANCINE:
What are you talking about?
DEREK:
There’s no handle on this side of the apartment door.
FRANCINE:
So use the key, stupid. Winkler gave you a key didn’t he?
DEREK:
No keyhole on this side, either.
FRANCINE:
Oh, come on!
SOUND:
SHE HAMMERS ON THE DOOR.
FRANCINE:
(SHOUTING) Hey, let us out! Hello? We’re stuck in here! Hello?
Somebody call the super! Can anyone hear me?
DEREK:
You know, I don’t think there’s even anyone living on this floor. When we got out of the elevator, it just felt kind of... empty. We might be the only two people up here.
FRANCINE:
Not for much longer – we’re breaking this door down. On three, right?
DEREK:
Right.
FRANCINE:
One... two... three-
SOUND:
DEREK SLAMS INTO THE DOOR – THE WOOD PANELLING CRUNCHES.
DEREK:
(HOWLS IN AGONY)
FRANCINE:
What the hell did you do that for?
DEREK:
You said go on three!
FRANCINE:
Nobody actually goes on three! You count to three and then you say “go”! Everyone knows that, Derek!
DEREK:
For shit’s sake - that hurts! I think I broke my arm!
FRANCINE:
Can you wiggle your fingers?
DEREK:
(STRAIN IN HIS VOICE) Yeah.
FRANCINE:
Then it’s not broken. OK, we go again. On three.
DEREK:
Forget it, Francine. It’s not a wooden door, that’s just panelling. See where I broke it?
SOUND:
DEREK PICKS AT SPLINTERS OF WOOD.
DEREK:
That’s metal underneath. I told you, we’re not getting out of here.
FRANCINE:
(CALLS OUT TO WHOEVER’S LISTENING) OK, you got us, congratulations! You got us good! Thanks for making us waste the whole frigging day! Assholes.
DEREK:
Francine, I’m pretty sure there’s no-one out there.
FRANCINE:
There’s someone out there – this is some sick stunt for TV, they’re watching us right now on hidden cameras.
DEREK:
I don’t see any cameras.
FRANCINE:
Well, they wouldn’t be hidden if you could.
DEREK:
Where do you hide cameras in an unfurnished apartment?
FRANCINE:
They make ’em, super small now. Any second, Howie Mandel or some other talk-show host is gonna walk through that door. (A PAUSE) Any second. (A LONGER PAUSE) Aaany second...
DEREK:
(AFTER A MOMENT OF SILENCE) We’re trapped in here.
SOUND:
A LOUD, GROANING, CREAKING, LIKE AN OLD STEAM ENGINE PULLING OUT.
DEREK:
What the hell was that?
MUSIC:
Fangoria theme comes up.
ANNOUNCER:
We’ll return to Fangoria’s Dreadtime Stories – after these few words.
NARRATOR:
It’s common enough to feel trapped from time to time – society puts us all under a lot of pressure. But as Derek and Francine are soon to discover, our modern paranoia is nothing... when compared with real pressure.
FRANCINE:
It sounded like... machinery.
DEREK:
There’s no machines in here – no anything.
FRANCINE:
Yeah... but -- does the apartment look different to you?
DEREK:
How can it look different? Nobody’s come in here, and we can’t get out.
FRANCINE:
Why does somebody do something like this, if it’s not a practical joke?
DEREK:
You know, Francine, it does look different in here. This- this may sound crazy, but when we came in here, I- Naw, forget it.
FRANCINE:
Tell me.
DEREK:
The bathroom door seemed... kinda further away. I dunno, when I first saw this apartment it seemed huge. Maybe I was letting my imagination run away with me.
FRANCINE:
No, you’re right. I see it too. What the hell is going on?
DEREK:
I dunno.
SOUND:
THE MACHINERY NOISE AGAIN UNDER THE FOLLOWING DIALOG.
FRANCINE:
There’s that sound again.
DEREK:
It’s definitely a machine.
FRANCINE:
Look at the walls, Derek – the walls are MOVING!
DEREK:
Shit! We gotta get out of here!
SOUND:
THEY BOTH START HAMMERING AT THE DOOR, DESPARATELY.
FRANCINE & DEREK:
(INTERMINGLED CRIES FOR HELP. AFTER A WHILE, IT BECOMES CLEAR NO-ONE IS COMING, AND THEY GIVE UP.)
DEREK:
There’s gotta be some kind of hidden release somewhere. I mean, what if Winkler were to lock himself in here?
FRANCINE:
Maybe he wedges the door open.
DEREK:
And you call me stupid. Hey, I think I’ve got something!
FRANCINE:
You found it?
DEREK:
No. No, it’s just a bubble. I think this wallpaper was put up recently.
FRANCINE:
Thanks, Derek, that’s incredibly useful.
DEREK:
Give me a hand here, I think I can tear it off.
FRANCINE:
We’re supposed to be trying to get out of here, not redecorating!
DEREK:
Just give me a hand will you?!
FRANCINE:
What are you looking for?
DEREK:
I don’t know – a clue, maybe.
FRANCINE:
What do you mean, like he wrote us a message, explaining how to get out of here – do you think that’s likely?
DEREK:
I don’t know, Francine! About a half-hour ago, I didn’t think the idea of someone trying to crush me to death was too likely! Now shut up and give me a hand!
SOUND:
THEY TEAR OFF A STRIP OF WALLPAPER.
FRANCINE:
Holy crap.
DEREK:
OK... not a clue.
FRANCINE:
Now we know what happened to the last tenants.
DEREK:
That’s blood, isn’t it?
FRANCINE:
Blood... and what looks like smeared body parts and bits of bone and brain matter... Derek -- I’m going to be sick.
DEREK:
I think there’s another sheet of wallpaper under this one.
SOUND:
THEY TEAR OFF THE NEXT STRIP.
FRANCINE:
Oh God.
DEREK:
Another...
SOUND:
ANOTHER STRIP IS TORN.
DEREK:
How many more do you think there are?
SOUND:
THE WALLS MOVE AGAIN.
FRANCINE:
DEREK! The walls are moving again!
DEREK:
Calm down, we’ll figure something out.
FRANCINE:
This is insane! Why the hell didn’t I think of doing this before?
SOUND:
FRANCINE STARTS PUNCHING THE BUTTONS ON HER CELLPHONE.
FRANCINE:
I must be an idiot...
DEREK:
You calling the cops?
FRANCINE:
Cops, fire department, anybody... Shit! Can’t get a signal! Derek, you got your cell phone?
DEREK:
Yeah, hold on...
SOUND:
DEREK ALSO PUNCHES BUTTONS.
DEREK:
Nothing. Not a thing. There’s no signal in this place. What’s up with that?
FRANCINE:
He -- The window!
DEREK:
Nobody’s going to hear us, Francine.
FRANCINE:
Who gives a shit? We’ve just got to get the window open! If there’s a ledge, we can climb out!
DEREK:
Are you kidding me? Do you know how high up we are?
FRANCINE:
You’re absolutely, right, Derek, we should stay here and wind up a smear on a sheet of wallpaper!
DEREK:
Fine, come on, let’s try.
DEREK & FRANCINE:
(THEY STRAIN FURIOUSLY – AFTER A WHILE, THEY GIVE UP, EXHAUSTED)
DEREK:
You know what? I don’t think this was ever made to be opened.
FRANCINE:
(A CRY OF FRUSTRATION)
SOUND:
HER CELLPHONE HITS THE WINDOW, HITS THE FLOOR AND FALLS TO PIECES.
DEREK:
OK, if your phone didn’t work before, it’s totally screwed now.
FRANCINE:
The glass is too thick to smash – must’ve been made for a submarine or something.
SOUND:
SHE THUMPS THE GLASS.
FRANCINE:
(SHE SOBS WITH FRUSTRATION)
DEREK:
Maybe we could cut the glass.
FRANCINE:
With what?
DEREK:
Do you have a ring?
FRANCINE:
You’re kidding me right! We’ve been together for two years and you don’t know whether or not I wear any rings?
DEREK:
(HYSTERICAL WITH ANGER) Can you cut the glass?
FRANCINE:
(HYSTERICAL WITH ANGER) No I can’t!
DEREK:
We’re dead. That’s it. We’re dead.
SOUND:
THE WALLS MOVE AGAIN.
DEREK:
Oh My God. This isn’t happening. This is- this is freaking
