She mulled that over for a while. “But this work you're doing now, ambushing Deek ships as a privateer, doesn't seem like a last stand situation. Can't you run away whenever you want?”
“As a wanted criminal?” he asked. She shrugged, and with a sigh, he shook his head. “Maybe it's possible to walk away from this fight. Live some other life. But I never will . . . I can't.”
“Why?”
He stared unseeing at the engraved words, reliving painful memories. “Because I have nothing left to leave it for. The Movement took my home, my family, all my friends and brothers and sisters in arms, one after another. Everything. And now that they've won they still continue to take and take and take, until they've even denied me, denied all of us, a universe that feels like it has a future. Even if I could find something to live for besides stopping them, how could I ever live a good life for myself knowing they're still out there destroying anything I might build?”
He turned to look firmly into her large hazel eyes. “I've already seen what the universe looks like when the Deeks win. I have to try to change that, even if just in some small way. So I'll keep fighting until I can't anymore.”
Aiden paused, then gently, almost reverently, rested his hand on the engraving. “This ship is my Last Stand. I know how my story's going to end.”
Lana met his gaze sadly. “That's possibly the most depressing thing I've ever heard. Then again, I don't have much basis for comparison.” He shrugged awkwardly, not sure how to respond. It depressed even him, so he couldn't blame her. “And the rest of the crew?” she pressed. “Is that how they feel?” From her tone it was obvious it wasn't how she felt.
Not that he could blame her, when she had barely lived and still had her whole life ahead of her. He felt a surge of guilt; now that she was a member of his crew, his talk of a last stand directly affected her.
“They know what I'm about,” he said tersely. “They can leave at any time, and richer for their part in the fight. In the meantime, I'm doing everything in my power to make sure we all survive each battle to go on and fight the next.”
Lana looked back at him, so vulnerable and uncertain, and he felt as if a great weight had fallen on his shoulders. He continued determinedly, unwilling to lie to her. “But the others know as well as I do that even the best ship in the universe with the best crew will eventually run out of luck. At some point we'll run into a battle we can't win, and my ship will live up to its name. My crew all accepts that.”
“I suppose you want me to accept it, too?” she asked in a tiny voice.
His guilt ratcheted up a notch, and an idea took root in his brain. Callous was a much safer place than Midpoint, the sort of place where he could consider leaving a Blank Slate behind without feeling like he'd sent a lamb out among wolves.
Of course, sending her away just when he was finally getting to know her was a depressing thought. But also a selfish one; what would he give, if he could go back into the past and save some of his closest loved ones from the deaths that had ultimately found them? Could he in good conscience ignore an opportunity to save Lana?
“I'm just telling you the truth,” he growled. “If this isn't the life you want you can walk away. I'll even do my best to help you find a better alternative.”
The young woman looked away, expression conflicted, and he wondered if this conversation had done what he'd feared when he'd first started talking to her; made her dislike him, or at least not want to be around him.
Feeling a sudden desire to escape, he patted Lana's shoulder and stepped around her, starting towards the door leading to the galley. “I'm going to go see where the blazes Ali is and what's taking her so long with our lunches.”
“What about flying the ship?” she called after him.
“It can sit in space for a few minutes,” he called back wryly. “Just don't mess with the controls while I'm gone.”
“I won't!” she called back.
Although he believed her, he still remotely ordered the ship's computer to put the bridge on lockdown while he was away. After all, if he was wrong and Lana tried to sneak in some flying practice while he was gone she could get them all killed.
He didn't have to go far to find Ali; apparently, she was just down the corridor from the bridge, waiting patiently. “You have been giving me space to be alone with Lana,” he said as he pulled her into his arms, half joking and half accusing.
“You enjoyed spending time with her,” she replied, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. “I didn't want to interrupt that.”
“She's a welcome addition to the crew,” he agreed, stroking his companion's silky hair and watching how bluish highlights shimmered across the inky tresses. “I'm glad she decided to stay.”
“I am as well, if she's making you happy.” Ali hesitated, turning to look up at him with her dark blue eyes. “For clarity's sake, should I anticipate a change in our relationship as you develop one with her?”
Aiden jumped slightly. “What?”
Her reply was calm and considered. “I think it would be beneficial for you to become lovers, perhaps even more than that, if it's what you both want.”
He laughed off the idea, refusing to acknowledge that deep down it held surprising appeal. “She's half my age and just lost all her memories. Also, she's a member of my crew. Pick one or all those reasons why it wouldn't be appropriate to even consider it.”
“You're no longer part of the
