Her shoulders shuddered once, and her voice turned thick with pain and indignation. “Then imagine that he suddenly started looking at you as if you were monstrous for something everyone in your society did. That he found you so repugnant he couldn't talk to you, couldn't look at you, couldn't even be in the same room as you! For seven years!”
Lana hesitantly reached out, planning to rest a comforting hand on the other woman's shoulder. Then Belix's head jerked up, eyes red from unshed tears and face dark with fury. “I gave that mongrel my heart, my body, even my ova! Me, Belix Ishiv! And he spat at me like I was worse than the Deconstructionist scum he hunts.”
The elfin woman stood up and began to pace in the tiny strip of floor beside Lana's bed, obviously building herself up to a rant. “The most ironic thing is, he thought he rescued Dax from some fate worse than slavery! Ishivi don't mistreat our constructs, they're given lives of quiet honor and dignity serving useful functions in our society. They're even allowed to have families, since they're a good potential source of quality genetic material.”
Belix hissed between her teeth in frustration. “But on the Last Stand Dax's treated worse than any construct, almost as bad as a slave! He's required to work punishingly long hours with almost no off time, offered few amenities and no pay, and never even allowed to leave the ship! As if the Captain's ashamed of his very existence and tries to turn him into a fixture on the bridge that can be ignored.”
Well, Lana had certainly seen that. “Have you tried to help him?” she asked.
Belix snorted. “The best way to help him over the years would've been to maintain his mental conditioning, so at least he'd be better able to endure his circumstances. Instead, thanks to the walking refuse pile's insistence on not letting the gunner undergo any more conditioning, it's now frayed to the point it's almost gone. He's essentially just a normal human with DNA-encoded memories who's only had five years to experience the universe, and for some reason still chooses to live like an ascetic.”
The Ishivi abruptly flung herself face down onto the bed beside Lana, voice muffled by the mattress as she spoke. “You probably hate me after learning all this, don't you?”
“No,” Lana said slowly. She rested a tentative hand on the woman's shoulder. “I mean, maybe I understand you a bit better now. It's incredible . . . you all have such hidden depths. Even when I learn something that should make me dislike you, I get your side of things and end up appreciating your humanity even more.”
“Humans are never simple,” Belix agreed, voice still muffled. After a few seconds, she rolled over onto her back, staring up at Lana with ice blue eyes. After a moment the woman tentatively reached out and took her hand. “I'm glad you don't hate me.”
They sat in comfortable silence for a minute or so, Lana musing glumly on the fact that she was the only one she knew who didn't have any hidden depths. Didn't have anything but a few weeks of memories.
Those weren't pleasant thoughts, so she cleared her throat and spoke up to distract herself. “I suppose Barix is also secretly a really nice guy with his own lovable vulnerabilities?”
The elfin woman laughed. “No, he really is the biggest waste leakage in the universe.” She scooted closer and rested her head on Lana's knee for a few seconds, then abruptly popped up to kiss her on the cheek before leaping to her feet, tugging at her hand. “Come on! You want to go share some caviar?”
Lana couldn't help but stare up at her in shock; Belix never shared her delicacies. “Sure,” she said hesitantly, letting herself be pulled up.
Grinning, the elfin woman slipped an arm around her waist and steered her towards the door.
Dax was waiting in the galley when they arrived. It was hard to tell his reaction to seeing the two of them together, but Lana thought she knew him well enough to recognize he wasn't happy. For a moment she was worried the young man would abandon eating with her and beat a hasty retreat, but to her relief, Belix stepped in.
“Gunner!” she said brightly. “Since Lana's officially made you part of the cool kids club, I suppose I'll have to share some of my food with you.” She grinned. “After that pasty meat you have for every meal it'll probably blow your mind.”
He cautiously settled back down in his chair, hinting at his clear surprise. “I was given to understand your locker was one of those that lost its contents during the pirate attack.” His voice held a clear note of discomfort at speaking directly to her.
The elfin woman chose to ignore it, snorting in amusement. “Those are the ones I write off as inevitably going to be stolen by Barix. I keep most of my treats in my room, where he risks certain death trying to get at them.”
“I see.” Dax glanced at Lana, as if silently begging her to let him leave. She smiled as she sat down in the chair beside him, patting his hand; he could leave if he felt he needed to, but she wondered if it might be good for him to try to patch things up with Belix. Or, since he may never have had a relationship with her in the first place, at least try to develop one.
It was an uncomfortable meal, with Lana and Belix doing most of the work to keep the conversation going. The Ishivi's and weapons officer's pasts clearly hung over them with an incredible weight, keeping things chilly in spite of all their efforts. And it was safe to say they all ate faster than
