‘And that was the start of that. I learned to sew and set stage and do makeup. I learned to dance, at first a little, then more and more. I learned to act in little roles – nothing with singing in it, I cannot sing better than a crow, perhaps not quite so well. I did nothing indecent, for that would have disgraced my father’s memory. As it was, Cissus and Hahd came to the theatre once in a while and were not disgraced but were well amused.’
She stood and moved about as much as her short leash would let her, swinging her arms to restore the circulation. They had been in the rocky cleft for hours, hours, with the stars wheeling slowly overhead. She thought it must be near morning and that she should sleep. The dog king dozed again. Her story had taken her, however, and she would tell it out, even if none heard it but the wind and the distant stars.
‘The theatre people were good people. There was much temper and loud talk and declaiming about nothing much, but the people were kind and hard-working. And it was hard work, harder than I could have guessed. It is not easy, learning plays and doing them over and over. I began to think about saving a dowry for myself, about going to another town and opening a store to sell books. Father would have liked that. I didn’t do it, though, and the reason was Hu’ao.
‘If I were saying it as the books do, I would say I lost my virginity when I was sixteen. However, I didn’t lose it at all. As I remember, I was eager enough to give it away, and the young actor who took it was eager enough to have it. Oh, I was full of tears when he went with his group on tour. It was only to be throughout Lakland, the smaller places, but in Estlak they decided to go a little further east to a city toward the Concealment. Well, no one in Lakland saw any of them again. I, well, I was lonelier than I’d ever been before. He was truly a heart’s love, though we had been together only a few weeks. I think that is why, that winter, I took up with the young soldier who came with a troop of Tachob for some kind of visit or other to the High Administrators. They were in Lak Island all winter, and I was with him most of that winter. When he left in the spring, saying he would return in the fall, I was pregnant with Hu’ao. An end to the dancing for a while that was, and a surprise. Somehow I had never thought of it.
‘Well, there was nothing to do but bear it, and I did. I went home to do it, for the comfort of a place well known and for being with Cissus. And she, having had three of her own by then, knew what to do and helped me. I stayed there until Hu’ao was weaned and then went back to town. I could not lie back upon Cissus and Hahd forever, kind though they were, and I was quite able to work again.’ Her voice went on, low, almost a monotone. High above, the sky lightened toward dawn.
‘So, Hu’ao went to the Temple to stay with the nuns there, except for times during the week, and holidays, and an evening now and then. They charged plenty for it, too, but it wasn’t begrudged by me for they kept her clean and well fed and happy. She grew to be such a love. It was strange, you know, that a year or two later I found myself always thinking of the young actor as her father and hardly remembering the soldier at all. And, even stranger, I could not remember the name of either of them but only the pet name I had had for my love and he for me. I still often wonder what happened to him on the road away from Estlak, whether he lives still, somewhere, or whether he was taken by the filthy Gahlians and turned into something I would rather not think of….
‘So, I went back to work, dancing again, and acting again, and going here and there meeting this one and that one. Hu’ao and I had three good years together, and then I fell sick. It was a disease all of Lak Island had that winter with chills and aching and bowels like water. When I went to pay what I owed for Hu’ao, months later, the old nun told me I might not have her again. Well. Why make a long tale of it? The cowardly magistrate who had pretended to be my friend let the Eldest Sister get away with her story – and it was a story, be sure of that. No more than a pat on the head and a pitying glance he gave me. What was there to do but go? Could I stay without hope of seeing my sweet girl child again? So I went. And now I think it was perhaps a good thing.
‘I got all the way to Hynath Port in one long, lonely year, and it was there Jaer bought me.’
The dog king shifted uneasily, whined under his breath, cocked his ears toward the opening among the stones. Hastily, before he could speak, she went on.
‘When I saw her first, Jaer, she was only a girl, a nice wide-faced girl with brown eyes, much like Cissus. Then Jaer became a boy, and the feel of him next to me in the night was a little like my love again. Only when morning came there was a funny expression in his eyes, like Hu’ao
