Surprisingly, she didn’t tell him to go away. Instead, she looked at him with a detachment he found almost chilling. “I find you very attractive, Sylvan. I found Rigo attractive, too, before we were married. It was only afterward that I found out we didn’t fit together at all. I wonder if it would be like that with you.”
What was there to say to that? “I don’t know,” he said haltingly. “I really don’t know.”
“He has never once allowed me inside his masculine skin,” she said with a rueful smile. “He doesn’t notice what I am, but only what I am not, which is whatever he may be wanting at any particular time. Eugenie does far better than I. He expects very little from her, and that helps. Then too, she is soft for him, like clay. She takes his impress and accepts it, like a reverse image, suiting herself to him.” She frowned, thinking. “I tried that, at first. It didn’t work at all. I cannot be that to him. I could have been something else, a friend perhaps, but that didn’t fit his notion of what a wife should be, so we are not very good friends, Rigo and I.” She turned to Sylvan, fixing him with a resolute glare. “I will never love anyone who is not first my friend, Sylvan. I wonder if you could be my friend.”
“I would!”
“Well then, let us set about it!” She smiled at him, a humorless bowing of the lips. “First I must find my child. I have no choice but to do that, or kill myself trying. You can help me. If we accomplish that, then there is another task awaiting us. People are dying everywhere. We must try to find a solution. So, if you love me, let us talk with one another of what we have to do, but not of ourselves. We will be careful not to touch one another. Gradually, if we are successful and do not die, our natures will emerge and we may understand one another. Perhaps we could become friends.”
“But … but—”
She shook her head at him warningly. “If you’re unwilling to do that, then you could show the love you claim to have by leaving me alone. I apologize for dragging you along with us, but I needed you to guide us. The apology is all I can offer. Until we find Stella, I can’t spare the time for anything more, not even for argument.”
She leaned on the railing, her hair falling forward around her face, a golden veil, masking her from him. Sometimes for a few moments she forgot Stella, only to remember her again with a spasm of intimate agony. Like backward childbirth. As though she were trying to take the child back, encompass it once again. Keep it safe. Suck it up into her womb once more. As obscene as it was impossible, despite the pain she felt. Still, it would do no more good to scream or cry or thrash about now than it would have done when she bore the child. It would do no good to grieve. It would do no good to try to distract herself with Sylvan either, though the thought had crossed her mind. She had wondered whether it would be the same with him as with Rigo. Whether it would be the same with all men as with Rigo. Awful, to live out one’s life and never know! But no. As she had begun, so let her go on. At least she would not have to reproach herself later for that! “Stella,” she said aloud, reminding herself.
Sylvan was abruptly angry at himself. If Stella had died, he wouldn’t have expected Marjorie to be interested in lovemaking. Why had he thought she could be interested with Stella gone?
Lost in their separate worlds, neither was given the opportunity to reconcile them. Tony’s voice called from among the glowing alleys. When he came closer they sensed that he and Father James were accompanied by First, by Him. In Marjorie’s mind, the name announced itself. For Sylvan’s benefit she said, “It’s Brother Mainoa’s friend.
“I see,” he said, annoyed. He could barely detect the creatures. He could not hear them. He could not have an hour alone with Marjorie. He could not, seemingly, accomplish anything he desired.
“I think he’s trying to tell me he’s found Stella,” Tony cried. “I can’t be sure. Where’s Brother Mainoa?”
“Here.” The old man leaned from the door of a neighboring house. “Here, Tony. Ah …”He fell silent, one hand stretched toward the foxen like an antenna, feeling for meaning. “Yes,” he said. “Your daughter. They’ve found her.”
“Oh, God,” she cried. It was a prayer. “Is she—?”
“Alive,” he confirmed. “Alive but either asleep or unconscious. They haven’t disturbed her.”
“Shall we get the horses?”
“They suggest, if you have no objection, that they will take you.”
Even in this extremity she remained concerned about the horses. “Will we be coming back here?”
Quiet, then Brother Mainoa gesturing. “Yes.” He clutched at some passing pain in his side, shaking his head. “In fact, I think I’ll stay here now, if you don’t mind. You don’t need me for this.”
Father James, with a troubled look at Mainoa, chose to stay with him. The others crept apprehensively upon foxen backs and were carried away through the trees, along walkways and branches, moving away from the tree city into darkness, over moving water, under stars, coming at last to the edge of the forest. Foxen backs were wider than horse’s backs—wider, muscled differently. There seemed to be no limit, no edges to those backs. It was not so much a matter of riding as of being carried, like children sitting upon a slowly rocking table. The message was clear. “We won’t let you fall.” After a time, they relaxed and let themselves be transported.
They sensed other foxen meeting them at the edge of the trees and escorting them along the swamp, not far but slow going
