Harriet grabbed Alice. "Go in there, and get Foster into the staff room."
"How? At gunpoint?"
"No! Offer her a coffee."
"Oh, sure. No problem."
Alice left, and Harriet gestured at Teresa. "The minute Foster is out of the way, we're getting you into uniform."
"Uh-uh. You said I'd have a couple of days. You said my speech was rough."
"You'll be fine. Just say 'ah-hmm' and 'yes, ma'am' and salute a lot." Harriet paused. "You can tell her I'm doing a great job, too."
"Sure. What's another lie on top of so many?"
"And try and look older."
"Apparently, that won't be a problem," muttered Teresa.
Harriet peered through the door and saw Alice leading Foster away. Immediately, she darted into the office, but before she reached the armoury, Bernie intercepted her.
"Oh, what are we going to do?" asked Bernie plaintively. "What are we going to do?"
Harriet almost laughed out loud. The robot was stepping from one foot to the other like a four-year-old busting for a pee. "Relax, I've got an idea. Just go through and make sure Alice doesn't poison her."
"Is that likely?" asked Bernie, looking alarmed.
"You obviously haven't tried her coffee." Quickly, Harriet opened the armoury and started pulling uniforms off the shelf, holding them up to Teresa until she had an outfit roughly the right size.
"What rank is this?" asked Teresa.
"No idea."
"You don't know what your superior officers wear?"
"I've never met one." Harriet left Teresa to change, and ran to Bernie, who was still standing at the door to the staff room. The robot looked like one of the gladiators she'd read about once, in the moments before they ran into the arena to face almost certain death. "Listen Bernie, I need you to follow my lead. Our captain has just arrived, and—"
"What captain, Trainee Walsh? This station has no—"
"Shh!" Harriet waved to silence the big robot. "I've found a stand-in, and it should be enough to fool the Foster woman." She remembered Foster's cold, hard expression, and wondered whether anyone had ever managed to fool her. Still, it was their only shot. "Just play along. Call her captain. Salute. That kind of thing."
"Call who captain?" demanded Bernie.
"You will address me as Captain."
Bernie and Harriet spun round simultaneously, and stared in surprise. Teresa's transformation into a Peace Force officer was complete, and with the uniform, insignia and cap, she looked every inch the captain she was pretending to be. Harriet felt a glimmer of hope, and she took Teresa by the elbow.
"Other side," muttered Teresa, with a pained look.
"Sorry," whispered Harriet, and swapped to her left.
"This is never going to work," Teresa whispered back.
"Sure it will. You're great at lying." And before Teresa could reply, Harriet ushered her into the staff room.
Chapter 25
Agatha Foster was seated at the head of the largest table, looking down at a coffee mug with a dubious expression on her lean face. "Are you certain this is decaffeinated? Strong beverages have a negative effect on my constitution."
Behind her, Alice spread her hands and gave Harriet a helpless look.
"We only serve decaf here," said Teresa sternly. "My officers work better with a clear mind."
Foster looked up. "And you are?"
"Captain Teresa Smith, Dismolle Peace Force."
"Hmph. You're young for a captain." Foster looked around. "The students in most high schools are older than the officers in this station."
"The smarter ones graduate quicker. In the Peace Force we believe in promoting on merit, not seniority."
"Things have changed for the worse since my sister's time."
"Your sister was a Peace Force officer?"
"Enid was a superintendent, and she didn't run a preschool centre like this one. No, she had proper officers." Foster stared up at Teresa. "How long have you served?"
"Er, nine years."
"Really? I'm surprised you lasted that long. Which station were you based at?"
Teresa glanced at Harriet, and Harriet could tell what she was thinking. Foster was starting to ask some very awkward questions, and the whole situation was turning into a major train wreck.
"She served in the Forzen office, with distinction I might add," said a deep, male voice.
Everyone turned to the entrance, where a tall, distinguished officer had just walked in. He was wearing a dark grey uniform with blue piping, and there was a broad row of medals on his chest. His peaked cap was set just so, and as he walked to Foster's table everyone just stared.
"I trust my staff have seen to your needs, madam?"
"Indeed, indeed," said Foster, recovering quickly. "Although the coffee that young girl put in front of me—"
"I will note it in her service record."
"Well, perhaps that's a little harsh."
"Nonsense. I run a tight ship, madam. Everything must be in perfect order."
Foster smiled at him, and Harriet could almost hear the glaciers creaking. "I'm glad to see someone more senior is in charge. For a while there, I thought this place was a nursery school! I mean … a robot, and a handful of mere children. Who'd believe it?"
"Ah-hah, madam. A very witty observation."
Alice, Teresa and Harriet were still staring at the apparition, open-mouthed. Bernie seemed to have switched herself off, either deliberately or out of severe shock.
"Well, I mustn't dally," said Foster. "You have important work to do, I'm sure."
"Of course madam, as do you." The man offered her his gloved hand, and she took it willingly. Then he led her to the door, and on the way Dave Birch gave Harriet a sideways look and mouthed 'You Owe Me'.
Fervently, she agreed.
As the two of them left the office, she heard Foster's voice drifting back to the staff room. "My late sister, rest her soul, once mentioned a trainee called David Birch at the Chirless office. Was he a relation, by any chance?"
Birch's response was inaudible.
"Well," said Harriet.
"My goodness," said Bernie, miraculously alert.
"Blimey," said Alice.
"Where did you get the old guy?" demanded Teresa. "And why did you force me into this kit if you already had someone else lined up for the job?"
— ♦ —
Bernie was much happier now
