I’m going to have to leave them to it. I take a deep breath to expel the horror and stride up to Leila Bhatia.
“Leila Bhatia!” I beam.
She glances up from her phone. “Hey, Jack.” Something’s wrong. She looks tired and beaten down, not her usual sparkly self, full of positivity and inspirational life quotes.
“A-mazing party!” I say. “Thank you so much for the invite.”
“Getting some good pics for your highlights reel?”
“I mean, Dylan and Tariq are going to be livid. But also this isn’t about them, because they’re basically dead to me now; this is about moving on with my life and being happy and successful with the things that I have. And now I’m here, I can see I have so much, so thank you again.”
Leila take a deep breath and gives a wry smile. “So, you know the shit has hit the fan, right?”
My eyes widen. “I did not know, no. Whose shit? Which fan?”
“Turns out someone snapped a pic of me buying those burgers and carrying them back to V Machine?”
“Ohh,” I say. “Sneaky!”
Leila cocks her head. “Sneaky? I think you mean ‘deliberate attempt to shit-stir’, Jack!”
I nod. ‘Yes, that’s what I meant. What happened next?”
“Posted online, went viral, lots of people calling me a hypocrite, among an assortment of other charming names.”
“Vile.”
“Naturally, I respond. I announce that it’s not right for people to police what other people eat. That you don’t know what health issues or otherwise people have faced that means they need to eat certain things.”
I nod. “Excellent.”
“Yes,” Leila says. “And after that, most people were onside, loads of tweets of support, and lots of people saying how the person who originally called me out should mind their own business and stop causing drama.”
I nod. “Fabulous. Damn right too.”
Leila gives me a small grimace. “Until it materializes that the person who made the original post is in fact a fourteen-year-old, and so now I stand accused of bullying a child and sending my fans after her.”
“Oh, come on!”
“The kid’s mum got involved, saying how her daughter saw me a role model but now I’m basically trash and pretty much a child killer in her eyes…”
“Crazy. This is all crazy!”
Leila nods.
“You can’t let them win—”
She holds her hand up. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”
I smile. “You’ve sorted it? You’ve found some perfect response?”
“You’ll see,” Leila says. She glances over at Nate and Elliot and laughs. “They’re getting their money’s worth!”
I roll my eyes.
“Cute,” she says. “I love how they just don’t care.”
“I think it’s not that they don’t care, as such – it’s blissful ignorance?”
Leila laughs again. “Either way, respect.” She squeezes my arm. “How you doing, anyway?”
I shrug. “Good, I guess. Dylan and Tariq did a big promise rings thing on their account which was annoying, but whatever. I think…” I glance over at Nate. “I think there are more important things.”
“And people?”
“Huh?”
Leila smiles at me, then glances around the crowded room. “So! Who have you already met?”
“Had a chat with Scrummy Emma,” I say. “How amazing to have your own granola brand in all major retailers at her age!”
Leila looks unimpressed. “Right? It’s incredible when she only has millionaire parents who happen to own one of the biggest supermarket chains in the UK. How did she do it?”
I stare at Leila.
“It’s pure talent,” Leila smirks. “Pure hard work and talent.” She clocks my disappointed face. “Hey, you wanna meet some other people?”
My face breaks into a wide smile. “I mean, OK!” OMG, this is it!
Leila guides me through some of the crowd, towards a group of insanely good-looking guys, one of whom I recognize instantly as gay YouTuber Sammy Evans, like, this guy was a total inspiration to me back in year nine when I came out, and I love his videos so much, and now here he is, real, in front of me, and I’m gonna get to talk to him.
“Sammy? This is my friend Jack,” Leila says, getting his attention by touching his elbow.
I clock the other two guys Sammy was talking to, and the look on their faces tells me they don’t appreciate this interruption – it’s a look of annoyance, but it’s fleeting, and then they’re back to smiling as Sammy turns to shakes hands with me.
“Hey, Jack!” he smiles. “How you doing?”
“Ha ha ha!” I say. “Yep!”
“Jack’s recently set up a brilliant Instagram account,” Leila explains.
Sammy nods. “Yeah? Cool, what’s it about?”
“Oh,” I shrug, “not much really, just—”
“Sammy!” A new guy appears next to him, slapping him on the back. “How was Paris?”
“So awesome!” Sammy grins.
I nod and smile, like that’s amazing, but also, I was about to talk some more.
“You doing the Virgin Atlantic gig?” New Guy asks.
“Yeah! You?”
“Yeah! Oh my god, that’s gonna be out of this world!”
I nod and smile, like that’s amazing, but also, I was about to talk some more.
“Sammy! Congrats, man!” another new guy says, joining the group.
“Danny boy!” Original New Guy says, bumping fists with him.
“Saw your piece for Pepsi!” Sammy says to Danny Boy. “How’d you bag that one?”
I’m just grinning manically, standing there like a total no-mates, like, no one actually knows who I am, I don’t know these guys, but they all know each other, and I honestly don’t quite know how to extract myself. Do I just slope off? Edge backwards? And they’re all so successful and doing Things with Brands whereas I’m basically … nothing. Luckily, just as I’m about to die of an awkwardness I’ve never before experienced, Leila pulls me back, and guides me round to this guy in his late teens, tall and skinny, dressed in black, who she introduces as Atticus, an “Instagram Poet”.
“What sort of poetry is it?” I ask.
“I don’t put my work in boxes,”
