Rademeyer was the one who fathered the child my mother was carrying when I found her out behind the shed. My father had punched her repeatedly until that cunt’s seed stopped clinging on, dragging it from her and burying it somewhere out back. Rademeyer had known my mother since school and had something of an affair with her. I don’t know how involved they got, but do know my father found out about it. Once she disappeared, it was enough to keep the good chief away from our home. I guess he too was glad my mother was gone, all evidence of their infidelity removed forever. Imagine the look on his wife’s face when I told her the truth during her final moments on this planet.
3.
I know there were a couple of others, but I can not remember them. For that I’m sorry. Everyone of the victims had their reasons for facing the wrath of Loui. That was, all except the Newman girl. They all deserved what they got, paying for their mean streaks with their lives.
Treating a kid the way they did, or even his helpless mother. I can not begin to tell you how nightmarish our lives had become. You might think of me as a monster, but that is a matter of perception. From where I stood, they were the monsters, forcing me to relive hell each and every day. Loui became the ultimate revenge tool; one I would choose again if I had to.
While you might see the deaths as some sort of tragedy, I saw them as retribution. Clancy stood beside me for many of them. He helped me with gaining access to some of the victims by portraying to be a lost or scared kid. Most fell for the ruse, giving us a way in.
Don’t be too hard on him when you finally pick him up. He was as much of a victim of this as I was. We were both stuck in a nightmare world that didn’t care about us. I know he needs to face the consequences of his actions as much as I do, but I’m asking for you to show him a little mercy when you pick him up.
He still stuck by me, even while I was locked up in this horrible prison. He also helped me escape when that silly doctor thought he could control us. Clancy would often wait at the foot of the hill, where the tunnel opened up at.
That doctor. That stupid, stupid doctor who took himself to be such a medical genius. He really thought he could control Loui, somehow make Loui fulfill his deeds. Let me tell you something, James. Nothing controls Loui. No one can ever understand just what he is. He is hell itself, a walking monster that has no conscience. That doctor was never going to control him, no matter how many drugs he pumped into us. I’m glad Loui finally shut him up. If it wasn’t for the blackouts that riddled those final days, I think he would have died a lot sooner. I was happy when he finally took that knife.
4.
There’s one more thing I wanted to share with you. It’s not anything to do with the killings. It’s about your friend, Stephanie Connor. There’s something I heard about her that I need to clear up. The good doctor told me that she was my child. Told me that I had somehow fathered this child during the final month of freedom.
The truth is, I don’t know whether that’s true. I have no recollection of ever getting intimate with her mother. Although I do have memories of seeing her mother sunning herself on that creek bank many times, I can not remember ever speaking with her. And of course, the fact I have no dick probably plays some part as well.
But it’s these damn black outs. When they happen, I tend to lose track of things. I wish I could say whether she is my child for sure, but I just can’t. In any case, I made a promise to myself during all the time I’ve sat in this prison cell. I wouldn’t rest until all of my family history was gone. All of it.
I’d already made sure to wipe away my mother’s side of the family, her brother and sister-in-law rotting away on their old farm. The homestead is gone and with it, all the memories it held within. My father’s side was easy, already having destroyed most of the things in our home. There’s really only the home itself to burn down.
It would have been so easy just to burn the old homestead down, removing the final traces of this horrible existence I called family life. But now this stupid doctor brings forth a child who is supposedly my own. He has me half convinced, especially when he showed me photos of her as a child, as well as a photo of her own daughter, my supposed grandchild.
Do you know who I saw in the photo of Stephanie’s child? Do you know, James? It would have meant nothing to me if that stupid doctor had kept it to himself. He thought it would help to control the monster living inside me. All it did was awaken him more.
I saw my mum in the face of my grandchild. It was her eyes that stared back at me from that photograph. That’s when I knew. That was the moment I realized I still had work to do if I really wanted to cleanse this world of the pain that it held for my family.
I wanted to remove any trace of us, stealing it back and taking it back into the shadows. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. I didn’t ask
