You’ve said over and over that it gives me motive. But that’s bullshit. I loved Sadie. She loved me. I would never have hurt her. Never.
And anyway, this is exactly what I’m talking about. You find something and you call it evidence, but really you don’t know the first thing about it. You might as well have found a … a packet of condoms in her room. A morning-after pill. Just because you found a pregnancy test doesn’t mean I killed her.
What, you think I murdered my unborn baby, too? Besides, how do you know the pregnancy test was even hers? If Sadie had been pregnant she would have told me. We would have figured out what to do together.
I bet you think you can blame me for what happened in the woods as well, don’t you? Just because I was the one to bring the knife. And, as it happens, that’s the only reason I bothered coming in today. I almost didn’t. I almost just said to myself, They never listened to me about Sadie, so why’s it going to be any different this time? Which is what I figured yesterday. What I still believe, even now. But what I decided was, at least if I get my side of things on record, you won’t be able to claim that I changed my story later.
So here I am. Reporting for duty.
Seriously, go ahead: ask me whatever you want to know.
Ha. I thought that might throw you. You don’t even know where to start.
The scream?
Right. Huh. To be honest, it was more of a shriek. I mean, at first I figured it was my alarm clock. But when I raised my head and remembered where I was, I saw Abi standing in the middle of the clearing, tipping out the contents of her rucksack. There were sunflower seeds going everywhere.
‘What the fuck, Abi?’ I said. Because – and I hold my hand up – I’m not a morning person. I mean, if I ever was going to kill someone, it’s over the breakfast table I’d probably do it.
Oh, piss off.
Sitting there telling me this is serious? You think I don’t know that already?
It’s you who’s the joke. You, your little sidekick here. Your whole so-called investigation. So why don’t you get serious for once, and stop wasting time judging me?
I am calm. I was.
Whatever. Do you want to know what happened or not?
Sunflower seeds. Right. So they’re going everywhere. And there’s only one thing Abi’s more obsessed with than food, so right away I should have realised what was up.
‘Where is it?’ Abi was saying. ‘Where the hell is it?’
‘Where’s what?’ said someone else. Luke, I think, from the edge of the clearing, sounding even more confused about where he was than I’d been.
‘My phone,’ said Abi. ‘My sodding phone. It was just …’ She spun around, pointed at the head end of the blanket. ‘Right there. I left it right there, so I could see the time if I woke up in the middle of the night.’
I looked at my watch, and realised it wasn’t even seven. The light was sort of milky, and in the sky there was an early-morning haze. They were the first clouds of any kind I’d seen in weeks. Already it felt muggy, like stepping into the bathroom after somebody else has just had a shower.
Fash sat up, blinking. Cora, lying beside me, gave a groan, like she was awake but was still in denial.
‘Relax, Abi,’ I said, getting up. ‘It probably slipped under the blanket or something.’ I gave Fash a nudge with my foot, and he half crawled, half rolled to one side. But when I lifted up the top edge of the blanket that he and Abi had been sleeping on, there was nothing under it but grass.
‘See?’ said Abi. ‘It’s not there. I already looked. And it’s not in my pocket before you say anything, and it’s not in my bag either. I told you, it’s gone!’
‘For Christ’s sake,’ I heard Cora mumble. ‘S’just a phone. Wasn’t any signal out here anyway.’
‘That’s not the point!’ said Abi. ‘And it was a brand-new iPhone, thank you very much. Not your shitty old Samsung.’
Cora had given up on sleep, it looked like. She sat up, scrunching her eyes against the light. ‘Now you’re just getting personal,’ she said. ‘It’s not my fault you lost your stupid phone.’
‘So whose is it then?’
‘Seriously?’ said Cora, turning. ‘You’re actually trying to blame me?’
‘You’re the one who was having a go at me yesterday for trying to get a signal!’
‘I wasn’t having a go at you for trying to get a signal! I was having a go at you for staring at that stupid screen all day when we were supposed to be –’
‘Um, guys?’ said Fash. ‘I think mine’s gone, too.’
He was frisking himself, checking the space around him. He even stood and lifted up the blanket the way I had. Cora’s groundsheet, as well, which is what finally forced Cora on to her feet.
I’d started looking around for my phone by this point. I’d emptied my pockets and piled the stuff beside my bag. My lighter was there, my wallet – but not my phone.
‘Shit,’ said Cora, who’d realised by now that hers was missing as well. If anything she looked more panicked about it than Abi had, whipping the groundsheet into the air and rummaging through the pockets of her rucksack.
‘What the hell?’
It was Luke’s voice again. I turned – we all did – to see him holding his water bottle upside down. A single drip fell to the floor.
He looked at Cora. ‘For Christ’s sake. I would have shared if you’d just asked me. There was no need to drink it all.’
‘What are you talking about?’ said Cora. Luke was still staring at her, and now the rest of us were staring at her, too. ‘Seriously,’ she said. ‘What the hell is everyone looking at me for?’
‘Your bottle
