“And she knows it,” he went on quietly. A tear overflowed his eye and spilled down his cheek. “I saw it in her face as she went past. She knew I knew about you and the other coppers. I’ll never forget the look she gave me. God, Erin, the worst thing an Irishman can be is a traitor to his own family.”
“Carlyle,” Erin said gently, “she’s not your daughter.”
“I’ve always thought of her as mine.”
“But she knows she’s not. She’s been using you.”
“Aye, that’s what people do. They use one another. Even the ones they love. You used me tonight.”
Erin felt her temper flare up, but the feeling subsided almost immediately. After all, he was right.
“Yeah,” she said tiredly. “I guess so. Where’s Siobhan now?”
“I’ve no idea. Gone from New York, I’d wager. Perhaps she’ll be back someday, but I doubt she’ll want to see me. I’ve lost her, Erin. She loved and trusted me, and I’ve lost her.”
She put her arms around him and they held each other, wordlessly, taking what comfort they could from the contact.
“I thought I’d lost you, too,” he added several moments later.
“Not yet,” she said.
“I’m sorry, Erin.”
“Me, too. This one hit pretty close to home. I thought Evan’s guys were there to kill me.”
“They might have been. It was a near thing. You’ve gotten good at this, darling.”
“At what?”
“Dancing on the edge of the shadows, living on the edge of the Life.”
“It’s exhausting. How do you do it?”
“One day at a time. But you’re right, darling.”
“About what?”
“It’s exhausting. You look like you’ve been through the wars.”
“It’s been a long day.”
He put a hand to her cheek and brushed back a strand of hair that had escaped from her ponytail. “It has, at that. I’ve an idea, darling.”
She smiled, a little shakily. “You’ve always got some sort of plan.”
He shook his head. “I’ve a house on lease in the Hamptons. It’s the off-season, but that merely means it won’t be as crowded. Would you care to come away with me for a few days, get your mind off all this urban unpleasantness?”
“A vacation?”
“Aye.”
She thought about it. “That’s not a bad idea. I’ve got some days saved up. I’ll need to clear it with my boss, of course.”
“And I with mine. But it might do us good, aye?”
Erin looked at him. “How do you do it?” she asked again.
“I told you, a day at a time.”
“That’s not what I meant. How do you manage to be so…” Words failed her. She kissed him instead.
“If you’re looking for answers, I’m not sure I’m the right lad for you,” he said. “But we can certainly explore some of the more interesting questions together.”
“Something’s bothering me,” she said.
“Only one thing? That’s not so terrible.”
“I thought I knew how the Colombians were getting information from us. But the guy I thought it was didn’t know about Siobhan, not in time to send those guys to the bar. We’ve got at least one traitor, and I don’t know who it is.”
“Trust is a delicate thing,” he said softly. “And you feel the lack once it’s gone.”
“I was telling you the truth,” she said, looking him in the eye. “I do need to trust you. Don’t let me down.”
“I’ll die before I betray you, Erin.” It would’ve been a cliché if he hadn’t so obviously meant it.
“I don’t want you to die,” she said. “Thank God we got away with it this time. What happens next time?”
“We’ll take tomorrow as it comes,” Carlyle said. “In the meantime, we’ve today to live. We’d best be about it. Look too far down the road, all you’ll see is its end.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Life is the journey, not the destination.”
“You’re full of proverbs this morning.”
“Near-death experiences make me philosophical.”
“I’m too tired for philosophy,” Erin said. “Right now, I’m going to take a shower and fall into bed. You should probably do the same.”
“Is that an offer?”
“You’re as bad as Corky sometimes. All I’m offering right now is hot water and a warm place to lie down.”
“That’s good enough for me. Given the choice, I’d not be anywhere else.”
They shared Erin’s shower, then curled into each other’s arms. She’d told the truth; she was too tired to do more than fall asleep. But as she drifted off, she reflected how nice it was not to sleep alone. Rolf, sulking a little, curled up at the foot of the bed and glared at the man who’d taken his place of honor. He’d just have to get used to it, Erin thought. They all would.
Here’s a sneak peek from Book 9: FlashbackComing Fall 2020Click here to get a reminder when it's out!
They took 495 into Queens, passing Erin’s old stomping grounds, then worked their way around north Brooklyn to the Williamsburg Bridge. That got them onto the Lower East Side. They’d long since caught up with the infamous New York traffic and slowed their pace accordingly. Erin considered how the increase in cars and tall buildings made her feel like the city was getting a hold on her again. She didn’t care. Cut open one of her veins, she’d bleed one part NYPD blue blood, one part asphalt.
By chance, just as their wheels touched pavement in Manhattan, Erin’s phone rang. She glanced down at it and saw Lieutenant Webb’s name on the caller ID.
“He didn’t waste any time,” she said. She swiped the phone screen with her thumb. “O’Reilly.”
“I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time, Detective,” Webb said.
“Just on my way home, sir.”
“Did you have a good few days off?”
“Yes, sir.” She’d told him she was going up to the Hamptons, but had left out any mention of her host.
“Good. Break’s over. I know you technically aren’t back on duty until tomorrow morning, but we’ve got a hot one that just landed in our laps. You good to jump right back in?”
“With both feet, sir.”
“Excellent.
