“Thank you for my elephant,” Sofia said solemnly.
“You’re very welcome.”
The girl leaned closer to Olivia’s ear. “You know what I wished for when I blew out my candles? I wished you could be my mommy.”
“Oh, sweetie.” A hard lump rose in Olivia’s throat. What she wouldn’t give to be this precious girl’s mother. To have the privilege of loving her and helping to raise her. If only she could be worthy of that honor. Not trusting her voice, she gave a forced smile and patted Sofia’s shoulder.
Thankfully, Darius returned then. He kissed his daughter, promising to be back before she went to bed.
As he escorted Olivia out to the car, her chaotic emotions churned inside her, leaving her more torn than ever before.
37
I’m sorry if tonight was too much for you,” Darius said quietly a few minutes later as they drove down the darkened streets.
Olivia glanced over at him. “You don’t need to apologize. Your family is very . . . charming.”
“Charming but overbearing.” One brow quirked up. “I should have known that such a big gathering might be too much for a first meeting.”
She let out a sigh. “I did have second thoughts about coming, but I didn’t want to disappoint Sofia.”
“Well, thank you. You made her day.”
“It was worth it, then.” She focused on the streetlights ahead, but she couldn’t get Sofia’s wish out of her mind. The girl was already thinking of her as a potential mother figure. It wasn’t fair to let this go any further. But how did she go about removing herself from their lives when her heart railed at the very thought?
Suddenly, Darius swerved into an empty parking lot. He stopped under a lamppost and turned off the engine.
“All right. I can’t stand it anymore. I need to know what’s bothering you. You haven’t been yourself all night, and I’m sensing it’s more than just meeting my family.”
She gripped her purse tighter. It was utterly unfair how the man could see right through her. She’d had no intention of starting such a serious conversation tonight, but now that he’d brought it up, perhaps it was for the best. “You’re right,” she said. “There has been something weighing on me.”
“Did my mother do something to upset you?”
“Not really. It was a combination of things that made me come to a realization.” She met his eyes. “One I don’t think you’re going to like.”
He shifted on the seat, a wary expression on his face. “What is it?”
Her heart squeezed, and she focused on the top button of his shirt. Lord, give me the courage to say what I must. “For your sake and Sofia’s,” she said slowly, “I think it’s best to end our relationship.”
His nostrils flared. “What did my mother say—?”
“It wasn’t her.” Olivia paused to choose her words carefully. “I realize now that I haven’t been fair, leading you to believe we might have a future together. I can’t be the wife you need or a good mother for Sofia.”
His brows slammed together. “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. For several reasons.” She released a slow breath. “I went back to my parents’ store this week. At first, Mamma hugged me, and it was almost like old times. But then one of our neighbors came in, and she wouldn’t even look at me. She said I was a disgrace to my parents. All the other customers were whispering about me. It was terrible.”
“Olivia . . .” He reached for her, but she shook her head.
“No, please let me finish.”
He lowered his hand to his lap.
“I know now that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be respectable in most people’s eyes. I’m forever branded by the mistakes of my past.”
He huffed out a breath. “I don’t care about that.”
The air inside the car seemed overly warm. Olivia rolled down her window a few inches before continuing. “Today your mother was talking about big families—”she swallowed hard—“and how you want more children. That’s when I truly realized I wasn’t being fair to you.”
He reached for her hand. “I’m not sure I understand, but whatever the issue, I’m sure we can resolve it.”
The temptation to simply agree and rest in the warmth of his nearness tugged at her. But she needed to get the whole sordid story out in the open—now, before she changed her mind. “Let’s walk a little. There are some things I haven’t told you that you have a right to know.”
Darius tried not to panic as they got out of the car and started down a deserted stretch of Danforth Avenue. They walked in silence for several minutes while Olivia seemed to wrestle with how to begin. Judging from the worry lines between her brows, whatever she was about to tell him was most likely unpleasant. He braced himself for what was to come, determined that nothing she said would shake his love for her or his certainty that they were meant to be together.
“While I was at the reformatory,” she said at last, “I was treated . . . badly.”
The hairs on the back of his neck rose. Was she abused by the guards? Or someone in authority? “You can tell me about it, Olivia, no matter how terrible it might be.”
She gave him a grateful look, then turned to stare at the road. A truck rumbled by, expelling exhaust from a tailpipe. Once it passed, the street became still again.
“There was a woman doctor there,” she said. “Those of us who were expecting babies were required to undergo weekly exams, at which time the doctor performed various . . . procedures on us.”
Under a streetlight, he watched the color drain from her face. Alarmed, he guided her to a bench at a bus stop and sat beside her.
