I feel that someone is omitting some really critical details here. Is there a particular way to pinch ogresses? Is Rosella simply supposed to overpower her mother in law and pinch her savagely? Either this is a very weak ogress or Rosella is a strapping young lass or there was one heck of a training montage in here.
I rather like the idea that Rosella was just “No, it’s fine. I can handle this. I used to throw bales of hay around on the farm, you know,” and simply pinned the ogress down and started pinching.
Rosella did as she was told, but the ogress was so angry she was going to eat her.
How dare you pinch me! Cannibalism is the only possible response!
But her daughters threatened to abandon her if she did.
There were extra daughters. Just, y’know. Hanging out. On the plain. As one does.
“Well, then, I will write a letter, and Rosella must carry it to my friend.” Poor Rosella was disheartened when she saw the letter, and descending, found herself in the midst of a plain.
It’s a different plain. This is the plain of … um … sorrow.
There were a couple of daughters off in the distance, but she was really getting very tired of the whole family. Also plains.
She uttered her usual complaint
You’ve been down from the tower for five minutes and you’re already back to blank verse.
when the King of Love appeared, and said: “You see your curiosity has brought you to this point!”
No, your cavorting with nameless naked avian radish farmers is what’s brought you to this point! There is a moral here, but not the one you think!
Poor thing! when she saw him she began to cry, and begged his pardon for what she had done.
He took pity on her, and said: “Now listen to what you must do. On your way you will come to a river of blood;
River of blood! Always a strong start!
you must bend down and take some up in your hands, and say: ‘How beautiful is this crystal water! such water as this I have never drunk!’
Praise the river of blood! It’s sensitive and requires validation!
Then you will come to another stream of turbid water, and do the same there.
But don’t let the river of blood hear you, or it’ll think you say that to all the rivers.
Then you will find yourself in a garden where there is a great quantity of fruit; pick some and eat it, saying: ‘What fine pears! I have never eaten such pears as these. Afterward, you will come to an oven that bakes bread day and night, and no one buys any.
When you come there, say: ‘Oh, what fine bread! bread like this I have never eaten,’ and eat some.
Rosella is now wandering the surprisingly densely populated plain providing emotional support for random landmarks.
Then you will come to an entrance guarded by two hungry dogs; give them a piece of bread to eat. Then you will come to a doorway all dirty and full of cob-webs; take a broom and sweep it clean. Half-way up the stairs you will find two giants, each with a dirty piece of meat by his side; take a brush and clean it for them.
The storyteller didn’t do much cooking. He wasn’t real clear on how one cleans meat.
When you have entered the house, you will find a razor, a pair of scissors, and a knife; take something and polish them.
Something that polishes. You know. A radish, maybe.
When you have done this, go in and deliver your letter to my mother’s friend. When she wants to make you enter, snatch up a little box on the table, and run away. Take care to do all the things I have told you, or else you will never escape alive.”
Holy crap that’s quite a litany. It’ll take all night to get through all those things!
Rosella did as she was told, and while the ogress was reading the letter Rosella seized the box and ran for her life.
… I am feeling a little let down here, gang. “She did as she was told. You don’t need to see it. No, we’re not going to get into descriptions of rivers of blood or what was up with the garden full of pears and why the pears needed to be told that they were pretty or why nobody buys the bread in the oven or why the giants are just sitting gloomily on the steps with dirty meat. That smacks of plot and thematic repetition and we will have no truck with it!”
When the ogress had finished reading her letter, she called: “Rosella! Rosella! “When she received no answer, she perceived that she had been betrayed,
The bit where Rosella grabbed the box and ran out of the room at top speed didn’t tip her off. Ogress probably just figured she had to use the bathroom.
and cried out: “Razor, Scissors, Knife, cut her in pieces!” They answered: “As long as we have been razor, scissors, and knife, when did you ever deign to polish us? Rosella came and brightened us up.”
“Speak for yourself” said Scissors. “I seem to be embedded in a radish.”
The ogress, enraged, exclaimed: “Stairs, swallow her up!”
“As long as I have been stairs, when did you ever deign to sweep me? Rosella came and swept me.”
The ogress cried in a passion: “Giants, crush her!”
“As long as we have been giants, when did you ever deign to clean our food for us? Rosella came and did it.’’
Then the furious ogress called on the entrance to bury her alive, the dogs to devour her, the furnace to burn her, the fruit-tree to fall on her, and the rivers to drown her; but they all remembered Rosella’s kindness, and refused to injure her.
The fruit-tree didn’t actually care very much, but it didn’t feel like fatally uprooting itself and just went with the
