The pain had created a deleterious state of mind and she saw Taylor through it. She watched the people walking by him. She watched people pretend that he didn’t exist. She watched people scream at him to get a job. And she watched him shoulder the dehumanizing treatment in the same determined way as he maintained his affability even when everyone seemed perturbed by it and pushed him away. She felt a fondness growing for him. Because his sexual inclination was toward other men, there was something pure about the link between them. People had deceived her before and people had disappointed her even more times than that. But with Taylor, it seemed the only ulterior motive he had was to feel like he had someone in the world to exist with. It occurred to her while she was watching him that she might actually have a friend.
By the time it got dark, Taylor’s efforts had resulted in a few coins over $7. They decided to walk to the closest store they could find. Having spotted the giant blue letters and yellow spark logo of a Walmart, they cut through the crowd of other shoppers dallying in the aisles until they reached the pharmacy section. They examined the shelves for the cheapest solution to Aria’s predicament. Aria soon realized that she would have to choose between them eating that night and buying pads. She evaluated whether she wanted to be clean, or whether she wanted to be full.
“Let’s get something to eat instead,” she said dejectedly.
“Well, what are you gonna do?” Taylor chided, as if suddenly broken from the rhythm of his mission. “I don’t want you to have to be bleeding everywhere.”
Aria mustered up a look of enthusiasm to mask her true feelings and responded, “Nah, I’ll figure something out. It’s not like I can just come in here every time I have a problem. Besides I’m starving, aren’t you?”
Taylor looked at her suspiciously, but soon agreed to walking to the other end of the store. After some deliberation about what to buy, they decided in favor of practicality. They eventually walked to the checkout stand with bananas, the cheapest protein bar they could find and a can of tuna on special.
After setting out on foot again, Aria and Taylor sat on a strip of lawn outside the Walmart, watching the cars come and go. Taylor struggled with his pocketknife to open the lid of the tuna can. When it finally opened, he offered some to Aria but she declined and peeled back one of the bananas instead. She was determined not to give up her principles for the sake of her own survival. She could not find it in herself to choose her own wellbeing over the death of another being. She was already thin, but, looking down at her forearms, she could see that her hunger had stripped away all unnecessary flesh. It had worn her down to the sinew, and, having seen her face in the bathroom mirror so frequently that day, she knew her face was gaunt.
Not wanting to take the risk of ending up somewhere worse than where they were already, Taylor and Aria spent the night behind the Walmart, hidden between a collection of blue crates, topped with compacted cardboard boxes. Aria left Taylor sleeping and made trips to the bathroom to wash out her socks that were serving as a substitute menstrual pad.
Later that week, Aria got more creative. When they passed a Starbucks on the way to the library, she worked up the courage to pop inside and ask one of the men behind the counter for a few packets of plastic utensils. He handed them over with quizzical slowness. Aria pulled a pile of napkins free from its dispenser and went to the bathroom with them. She unwrapped the plastic package from the utensils and placed the napkins on top of it, so that if she bled through the napkins, it would collect in the plastic.
Aria had to deliberately plan her week around whatever restrooms were available to the public. A couple of times, other women who visited the restroom at the same time looked at her as if they had guessed that she was homeless. Aria hated that. She abhorred being looked down on. There were times on the street when she watched everyone else rushing around the world like they were caught in one big hamster wheel. At times like this, she felt better than them, possessing a self-government that they severely lacked. But, at other times, she felt subhuman and humiliated to be looked at like a pest or pitied.
Beaten by the trials of the week, Taylor’s optimism had diminished to a sanguine commitment to do the best he could with whatever he had. Aria had figured out by the second day what it took Taylor the week to accept. She could tell that he was deluded: sure that the person he considered a friend was in fact a friend, when the truth was she wasn’t. Sure that he would have support and opportunities
