“Whatever are they?” Sherry said.
“Little bottles of port wine,” I said. “I prepared them myself earlier today.”
“It seems perfectly ridiculous to me. Whatever for?”
“Well, they are part of my plan to settle our problem amicably. One of these bottles is slightly different from the other two, you see. Two of them are filled with plain port, as I said, but the other one contains also enough poison to curl your toes in a minute. It’s my plan that one of us shall drink the poisoned port and curl his toes and cease forthwith to be a problem to the other two.”
“Sherm,” Sherry said, “you’ve always had a perverted sense of humor, and it’s obviously time you were told about it.”
“It’s a reasonable chance for everyone to get everything or nothing,” I said. “It’s civilized, that’s what it is. Besides being civilized, it’s sophisticated. It’s quite appropriate and acceptable for three civilized sophisticates like us.”
“Now that you’ve explained it,” Sherry said, “I believe you’re right. It’s certainly about as civilized, and sophisticated as it could possibly be.”
For the first time since sitting down, she disengaged her held hand and put her chin in it. Before putting her chin in the hand, she put her elbow on her knee. She sat staring at the little bottles of port, plainly intrigued by the prospect of two amicable men risking having their toes curled on the alternate chance of possessing her if the port didn’t happen to be spiked.
“Look here,” Dennis said. “There are three bottles there. Do you seriously expect Sherry to participate in this fantastic business?”
“It’s necessary,” I said, “in order to give all alternatives a chance. If I get the poisoned port, you get Sherry. If you get the poisoned port, I get Sherry. If she gets the poisoned port, neither of us gets her. This thing must be done properly and thoroughly, if at all, and I’m sure Sherry will agree.”
“I do agree,” Sherry said. “It’s only fair that I participate.”
“I absolutely forbid it,” Dennis said.
“Don’t be presumptuous, darling,” Sherry said. “You are hardly in a position to forbid anything.”
“You’ll have to concede that, Dennis,” I said. “None of us is presently qualified to dictate to either of the others. The most you can do is to decline to participate yourself.”
Sherry turned her head and looked at Dennis with wide eyes. It was apparent that such a reluctance on the part of Dennis had not seriously occurred to her before.
“Yes, Dennis,” she said, “if you don’t feel like taking a simple chance for my sake, you are certainly under no compulsion.”
“It’s not merely the chance,” Dennis said. “Think of the complications. Suppose we all take a bottle and gulp it down. One of us gets the poison and dies. You can surely see that the other two would be all mucked up with the police over it.”
“That’s true,” I said. “I’ve anticipated that, and have thought of a way to avoid it. We do not drink the port here. Each of us takes a bottle when we separate. Each drinks the port when he is alone, and the two survivors meet tomorrow afternoon at, say, three o’clock in the cocktail lounge of the Cafe Picardy. This, to my way of thinking, besides solving the problem of the police, introduces an appealing element of romance, to say nothing of suspense. Who will be the two? Who will meet at the Picardy tomorrow?”
Dennis looked at me bitterly. “I hope to hell it isn’t you and I,” he said bitterly.
“Does that mean you agree to do it?”
“I suppose so. I can see that Sherry is all for it.”
“I am,” Sherry said. “I surely am. Sherm, this last part is absolute genius. Although I was inclined at one time to exaggerate your virtues, I see now that in certain respects I didn’t give you the credit you deserved. In this matter, I can think of only one thing you neglected to do which is rather disappointing.”
“Yes? What’s that?”
“You should have used sherry instead of port.”
“Oh. Sherry for Sherry. I did miss a nice touch there, didn’t I? I’m afraid, however, that it’s too late now to change.”
“Yes. Disappointing as it is, we’ll have to go along with port.”
“Wait a minute,” Dennis said. “Do you know which bottle has the poison?”
“No,” I said. “The bottles are identical, and I messed them around with my eyes closed. At any rate, you and Sherry may choose the bottles you want, and I’ll take the one that’s left. Is that acceptable?”
“It’s perfectly acceptable,” Sherry said, “and I don’t think it was quite nice of you, Dennis, to imply that Sherm might cheat in an affair of honor of this sort. I suggest now that we all have another martini and be compatible.”
We had the martinis compatibly, and afterward I went downtown to a hotel and took a room. In the room, after putting on a pair of pajamas I was willing to be caught dead in, I drank the port and lay down on the bed.
* * * *
I was sitting at the bar drinking an ambrosia highball when Sherry came in. It was not the cocktail lounge of the Cafe Picardy by any means, but it was a pleasant place, and there was a talented and pretty girl who sat on a little dais and played pretty tunes on a concert harp. Sherry was certainly astonished to see me, and apparently uncertain whether to be happy or otherwise. Anyhow, she sat on a stool beside me.
“What on earth are you doing here?” she said.
“Hello, Sherry,” I said. “It’s odd that you should use that expression.”
“What expression?”
“On earth.”
“Oh.” She stared at me and frowned and tapped on the bar rapidly with the nail of the index finger of her right hand, which was a sign that she was angry. “Well,
