“What did he text you?”
“He asked me my symptoms. Which I thought at first meant he knew I was faking. I didn’t realize that people were showing symptoms before turning because I didn’t know so I lied and told him I had some bad pork from the grocery store and had food poisoning. He then text me not to go anywhere for any reason. That’s when I turned on the news and saw what was happening before they lost coverage. After I talked to Shelly on my cell, I called Justin on his hard phone at work because the landlines were still working but I didn’t talk to him very long. I heard him get attacked by a zombie. I knew he was gone.”
“I’m sorry,” She said.
“Me too,” I said.
In all honesty, I hadn’t thought about that day in the six months since it happened. I never let myself grieve. After that phone call, I went on a crazy mission that I didn’t fully understand. I was obsessed with Shelly still being alive because I knew Justin wasn’t. Though I never dealt with my feelings, Justin was a ghost over my head that kept me from moving forward. I didn’t really want to move forward though; I truly believed that love didn’t have a place in the world as it was. Maybe that was heartbreak, maybe just a means of protecting myself but whatever it was, I didn’t want love in the world like it was.
I took the first watch as Natalie slept. When we switched, I wasn’t really able to sleep with Justin on my mind. I’d worked so hard to keep him from my thoughts. It sounds messed up but it was the only way I knew how to deal with what had happened. Emma never brought him up. I’d like to think it’s because she knew me well enough that there was some unspoken thing between us but I really think it was because she just didn’t really care.
Justin was a gorgeous man with brown eyes and brown hair with a light sprinkle of freckles across his nose. He was just under six feet tall. We really weren’t supposed to be dating like I told Natalie; he was a manager though not my direct supervisor, it was still frowned upon. It wasn’t sleazy though, he didn’t spend his time flirting with me and he never once came on to me at work.
We started seeing each other after I ran into him at a Cult Classic screening of the movie Evil Dead 2. I was with my friend Suzy who didn’t work with us and moved back to Oklahoma a month before the zombies started walking the earth. He was by himself because he came to Arizona because of the job and really didn’t know very many people. We ran into him in line and Suzy invited him to sit with us. He hesitated but agreed. He and I began talking before the movie began and it was the first time we really got to know each other. By the end of the night, Suzy was convinced that he and I were made for each other. I didn’t think that but I knew I liked him as a friend and that’s how it started. We hung out a lot after that. We weren’t even supposed to be hanging out as friends but neither of us cared about that. There was nothing inappropriate about our relationship at that point.
Then one day Justin was over to play board games with Emma, Suzy, and I and things shifted between us. He kissed me that night on our balcony and immediately apologized because he said he crossed a line. I told him I didn’t mind it being crossed and kissed him again and that was it. We were together.
I loved him and even though it was only five months, it was the best relationship I had ever been in. A part of me wonders if I won’t spend the rest of my life comparing men to him if I ever get to the point to give it a try again but the truth is I don’t want to know. I don’t think I ever want to feel like that again. Be that open again. I had perfect once; I don’t expect to find it again. And even though I cared and loved Ian in a way, I hated myself for those feelings. I felt like I was betraying Justin somehow. It’s a cruel fate to lose the person you love more than anything else, to live without them because all you ever want is that person back in your life.
I was up with the sun since I never really went to sleep. I took Milo out for a quick walk as Natalie made us some oatmeal for breakfast. On my way back to the van I heard a growling. I looked behind me and there was a throng of zombies in the parking lot heading towards the van. There was another group coming from the other side as well.
“Shit,” I said under my breath and ran back to the van with Milo.
Natalie had the side door open and threw me one of the shot guns. She got out of the van as Milo got in. I closed the door after he was safely inside.
“We can’t drive off can we?” Natalie asked.
I looked around. We were surrounded. There was no way out but by fighting.
I sighed, “No, I don’t think we can.”
The first zombie lunged and I put a knife through its skull. I was able to take out three more before I had to switch to the gun.
“Are you alright?” I called to Natalie.
“I’ve been better,” She said as she shot another zombie.
We seemed to be doing alright but were running low on Ammo and I knew we couldn’t get to
