So he is still running a movie which predicts what is going to happen – and that easily becomes self-fulfilling.
Jack went on to explain that he is able in some contexts to reframe this problem, but in others, as with me, he hasn’t been able to change this. I asked him how he was doing it in other situations. He said that he could reframe away those old fears with the thoughts:
“I give myself permission to be vulnerable.”
“I give myself permission to be who I am and not to think about other people’s feelings. I can do this and not be selfish.”
“I am not going to guess what other people may or may not be thinking about me and deprive them of knowing who I am.” (This one is a powerful reframe for him.)
We had uncovered these resource states in earlier sessions and they are proving most helpful. Desiring to build on these resource states and to apply them to the problem at hand about his fearing my expectations of him, I asked him how he was able to apply the above frames of mind to the old fears, because knowing how to do something is often more important than knowing what to do.
Jack explained that he would have a picture that represented the resource state right out in front of him. Then he would place a visual picture that represented the problem state behind the picture of the resource state. He would then bring the picture of the problem state up and into (and sometimes through) the resource state. Using this procedure he could:
see the problem state through the eyes of the resource state and reframe it.
mesh the two together, resulting in a reframe.
totally reframe the problem state away.
What was happening in the situation with me? The picture of his anticipatory anxiety of not meeting my expectations was of the two of us together and him saying to himself, “Bob will think I should be further along than I am.” “Bob has helped others quicker than he has helped me.” “I am not progressing fast enough.”
Does this sound familiar? That is how you work up a good state of anticipatory anxiety that once it is embodied in your gut, torso, throat and jaw as with my client, you have a full fledged block.
When he brought that image forward and meshed it with his resource image, the meaning totally changed. He said, “It’s just two guys talking.” And his speech? He was fluent, perfectly fluent. At the beginning of our session he was having difficulty speaking: stuttering quite a bit but not really blocking. By the end of the session he was totally fluent.
Jack will be taking today’s learning and will practice installing it much deeper. As you know, it is one thing to speak fluently with your therapist; it is another to speak fluently with your peers.
Exercise 3.5: Applying resources to your thinking
This is the way Jack was thinking about his expectations (you may do it differently). Overview
Access a resourceful thoughts that are powerful enough to overwhelm the fear of blocking.
Look into your gallery of pictures and note the qualities of each one of your thoughts: fear, faith, courage, and so on.
Expand your resourceful images so that they completely cover the negative images of fear.
Consider the fear-ridden thought that you will block and then stutter. Make it a static image. Now access resourceful thoughts about having faith or courage. What do you have faith in? What are you courageous about? Allow your mind to produce images to represent several different states. Label each image as it arrives, “fear”, “faith”, “courage” and so on, and put it at some distance, so that you can see them all together, rather like pictures on the wall of an art gallery.
Look at your gallery, and notice how you have represented each thought. What does the thought of “fear” look like? What does “courage” look like? How do you represent “faith”? You may have static images, or movies. You will probably notice that these images vary in brightness, color, size, and so on, and that maybe the positive thoughts are bigger and brighter than the negative ones. These are usually the kinds of distinctions our minds make in representing such ideas.
Still looking at your set of images in front of you, in your mind, begin to expand the positive ones, the “faith” and “courage” (and any more you think would be useful to have) and make those images bigger so that they completely cover the negative image of “fear”.
In metaphorical terms, “the good guys win” – if you allow them to. So just relax, notice these changes going on in front of you as you allow your positive resources to dominate your thoughts.
Where is that old negative thought now? Somewhere way in the background. In the foreground you have the resources of faith, courage, and so on. You have taken the thoughts of faith and courage and applied them generously to your general way of being.
When you bring your resources to bear on the fear of blocking, the positives win out every time, just so long as you allow that to happen. Finally, bring these positive resources back into your body. Find a way of reintegrating this way of perceiving the world into your body. For example, you could use your hands to bring these resources into your heart area.
Exercise 3.6: Foregrounding resources
This exercise asks the PWS to look for resources that are in the background of the “fearful and anxious” sensory-rich movie of their blocking. By doing this, the PWS becomes better at controlling their mind-body state. Overview
Step back from your movie
