Figure 4.1: Fight or flight?
CASE STUDY 9
I emailed this question to a client, Robert, who had a problem of blocking when he was delivering a public speech: “What is there about public speaking that triggers tension and fear of speaking?” Robert replied:
The fact that there are all those people staring at me and expecting me to deliver a perfectly fluent speech in a short amount of time. All of the pressure, tension, and fear comes from those expectations. The more I try to speak like a non-stutterer, the tighter my throat gets. I think that if every person in this world stuttered and stuttering was the norm, I might actually enjoy public speaking.
Later in my email I asked Robert, “If you absolutely did not care what other people thought, what would happen to your speech?” He replied:
I would think that my speech would improve greatly. It is really hard to say for sure how my speech would be in that situation because we don’t live in a society where people do not care or notice if someone stutters. However, I am positive that there would be no nervousness or anxiety before a speaking situation.
I directed him to “compare and contrast your state of mind between when you are alone and when you stutter. What are the differences? What are you seeing, hearing, feeling? How are you talking to yourself differently between fluency and stuttering?” He responded:
When I am alone, I couldn’t care less if I stutter or not. Consequently, there is no anxiety, nervousness, or tightness in my chest/throat. There is no need to anticipate or mentally prepare for a speaking situation where I have a chance to humiliate myself. Therefore, every sound comes out perfectly. When I stutter, I always find myself rehearsing in my mind the exact words I am going to say because I may need to substitute some trouble words. There is always an anxiety and fear of what will happen when I stutter or block. How will the audience react? Will they laugh or look uncomfortable watching me strain to get the words out? Will I be a failure in their eyes? [italics added]
This probably sounds familiar to a PWS. Note Robert’s very first statement: “The fact that there are all those people … expecting me to deliver a perfectly fluent speech … All of the pressure/tension fear comes from those expectations.” This statement goes right to one of the central problems of blocking – fear of what others may think about one’s speech.
Robert’s stated belief is also unrealistic. What audiences really want is for the speaker to be entertaining, interesting, lively. They want to have a good time, and they want the speaker to have a good time too. They are very forgiving, just as long as the presenter is engaging directly with them, being authentic, speaking from the heart. It is very common for “nervous” presenters to imagine the worst, when they would be better off remembering that audiences are generally supportive.
Note that Robert said that his expectations of a fluent speech are a “fact.” That doesn’t leave any room for exceptions. How does he know this? Does he go and ask each one individually? No. He is mind-reading the audience.
I have italicized some key statements in his last paragraph. Notice Robert’s fear of humiliating himself; of being laughed at; his fear of them being uncomfortable if he can’t get the words out. These are all very common fears about what others might think of the PWS’s speech. So what kind of movie for generating blocking does the PWS make as they anticipate the next encounter? Probably of the scary variety with a voice-over soundtrack to match.
One client has a tremendous fear of talking to people on the phone. Of major concern are those people with whom he does business. Before he calls them, the first thing he does is to create a picture in his head of the other person answering the phone. Immediately, after he sees the picture, he starts talking to himself about his fear of losing this client. The things you say to yourself
Movies also have dialog. Your movies probably do, because most people talk to themselves on the inside. Occasionally it’s out loud, but more often their internal dialog – mind-talk – is chattering away much of the time. Although you may think this is insignificant, what you say matters because it affects your behavior.
Providing a running commentary on how they will fail does the PWS no favors. If the PWS is talking to themselves about fearing they will block (anticipatory anxiety), it’s highly likely they will have themselves a horror movie, and that certainly won’t improve things. The good news is that if they can talk themselves into a down state, they can also talk themselves up by changing the dialogue so that the old pattern becomes redundant. They need to change the way they talk to themselves, the kind of language they use, and the way it sounds (the tonality), as that will radically alter the power and the meaning of the movie.
Notice what you are saying to yourself:
Are you talking about what you want, and the good things in life, or are you putting yourself (and others) down, forever complaining about what has happened, and blaming others for causing it? One idea leads to another, and you’re back layering negative stuff onto that original event. The feelings continue to create webs of negative thoughts that are difficult to escape from.
And how you are saying it:
It really does matter how PWS talk to themselves on the inside. What tone of voice do you habitually use? If you have never stopped to notice how you sound inside your mind, then take a moment to listen. And then think about your response to that kind of voice. You know how you respond when someone else’s voice is boring, scratchy, whining, argumentative, or playing
