And Aaron? He started talking and didn’t stop. Even with that pink face, he didn’t stop talking. I was full of wonder at the way he kept going. I would have never been able to pursue a thing—whatever it might be—the way he did. Words would pile up on my tongue then get trapped back behind my teeth. But not him. He didn’t even need answers from me.
“The road’s not bad down there. Pretty smooth. A pebble here and there, but mostly not. And with all the shade trees, well, there’s places to rest. I built a ramp. Have you seen it?” He looked at me.
I nodded.
“Yeah, my dad and me, we built that ramp out of scraps I found. That took us a good long time. He drives a truck and he’s not always home.”
Glancing around the bus, I looked for Tattoo Guy. He wasn’t there. I sat down in the front seat and Aaron plopped right next to me, his skateboard making a slapping sound when he dropped it to the floor. He put his feet on it and they rolled this way and that with the bus’s movement.
We were close enough to touch, Aaron and me. His arm, warm from the sun, kept brushing against mine. Three knuckles were skinned up, almost like Momma’s face that September day so long ago. I looked away.
Get it out, that thought. Get it out!
I didn’t want to think about Momma. I wanted to just be me. Me with a boy who would teach me to skateboard if I wanted. And with a nervous feeling creeping down from my scalp, I knew I did want to learn. This was so exciting, I couldn’t believe it was possible.
I was making a friend.
Out the corner of my eye, I looked at Aaron. He laid his head back on the seat.
How was my breath? All day working in the library, thinking sad thoughts, breathing in the smell of books. Did my breath smell like something published before 1950 and left on the shelf all those years? What did my whole self smell like?
Real casual, I made like I was wiping sweat from my top lip and sniffed at my armpits. Not too bad. And I could always keep my arms pinned to my sides if necessary.
“Think your mom’ll let you?”
Aaron’s voice surprised me. Had he seen me sniffing? I jerked my head to him so fast I popped my own neck.
“She might,” I said. And why not? Today was going to be different. Was different already. “She just might.”
We rode in silence awhile, me grinning like crazy on the inside. Thrill about to overwhelm me. It was sort of hard to breathe.
“We’re just about to Winn-Dixie,” Aaron said. He leaned forward in his seat, pushing his hair behind his ear, then stared out the window. He gestured with his head and his tucked-in hair fell free.
I looked out the window to the dirty bus stop. Only two people stood at the bench there. An ancient woman and an ancient-er man. Between them was a small silver pushcart full of groceries. The woman’s dress, flowered and past her knees, rippled in the breeze.
For a moment I couldn’t think. It was like someone had drawn a line through my thoughts, x-ed them out. Left me blank on the inside.
And then … “Momma?”
I got to my feet. It felt like a fist pounded my nerves. I pulled the line even though the bus was coming to a halt.
Where was she? Where was my mother? She should be out with the old people. She should have bags of groceries to take home. She should be smiling, waiting for me to get her.
The whole bus stop seemed to go black and white. Right before my eyes. My breathing came so fast I thought I might faint dead away.
I grabbed hold of the bar to steady myself as the bus lurched to a stop. Straining, I looked at the few people coming and going at the doors of the Winn-Dixie. None of them was my mother. None of them. All the sudden I felt sick to my stomach. Like I might throw up. I could feel vomit sitting at the top of my throat.
“What’s the matter?” Aaron said.
“She’s not here.” My voice was almost a cry of pain. My eyes felt buggy. I looked at the Payless shoe store, and the pizza parlor, and the Time Kept watch repair shop.
In slowest motion, the old man and woman dragged their cart onto the bus. I stepped to the opposite window, flattened my hands on the glass, and looked for Momma. She was nowhere to be seen. The bus doors hissed closed.
“Wait,” I said. My voice came out louder than I meant it to. My heart hurt, that’s how hard it hammered in my chest. “Wait. Let me off.” And then I was moving. I stumbled up to the driver, catching myself on the Plexiglas behind him. “Let me off now, please.”
“All right, all right. Take it easy,” the driver said. He glanced at me in the mirror, his eyebrows scrunched together. The doors swooshed open and I leapt from the top step, just about falling into the road when I landed on the ground.
Pound, pound, pound went my heart. The bus roared away, and the smell of exhaust burned.
My eyes teared up.
Momma. Momma. Please be working overtime. Please be loving this job. Please.
“Don’t worry, Lacey,” Aaron said. I hadn’t realized he was here. With me.
Not along. Not.
“I’ll look for her with you. We’ll find her.” He touched my forearm with his fingertips.
I couldn’t say anything. This was bad. This was bad. I knew that without even knowing what had happened.
She’s gone. You let her get away. Selfish.
No! I ran across the hot parking lot. Behind me I heard the skateboard hit the ground. Aaron rode up. I’d never run
