It was loud at first—the cursing rage in my brain. It kept me from relaxing, eating, sleeping, breathing. After a few hours, it quieted, leaving behind a warm sense of urgency and an anxious clarity of purpose.
There were people to call and alliances to be settled. Families would gather their men and weapons to fight the Reds. I would find Karine and take her back home, or I would kill every last fucking one of them until none of the Red camps were left on the planet's surface—one settlement at a time.
SUNSHINE SUICIDE
I peed a little on my shoes. I have never been very good at peeing in the wild. It’s not a high-demand skill in my world. My mother’s voice popped in my head, ‘well, at least it is your own pee.’
Noah was a prepared traveler, but I understand why everyone says the Reds are wasteful. He gave me a piece of actual fabric to wipe with and then buried it in a dirt hole. Civilized people use steam from reclamation pods and reusable plastic sheets. I suppose plastic sheets would be hard to get way out here.
My captor also gave me a pack of jerky and dried fruit, and it was pretty good. Noah and I walked in silence at the end of the procession. After what felt like hours, he started telling me about shipwrecks he had seen, and his scavenger pastimes with his friends. If they were planning on killing us, I couldn’t imagine why he was bothering to tell me about his interests.
“Wait, did you say you find people in these wrecks?” I stopped to secure my hair in my clip and wipe the dust off my face.
Noah took a rolled-up hat out of his pack, shook it into shape, and offered it to me.
“We find their bones and their belongings. The paper stuff falls apart when you touch it, but the hard stuff like dishes and metal objects can be salvaged. I found some nice jewelry, too,” Noah mentioned casually as if the mention of jewelry would change my mind about my situation. Oh well I’m so glad you kidnapped me. I love jewelry.
“Thanks for the hat.” Noah seemed anxious like something he was reluctant to say wanted out of his mouth. “You look nauseous,” I remarked, waving my hands around his face.
“You aren’t what I expected.” Noah closed the opening on his pack tightly and moved it to his other shoulder, away from me. His arm hung close to mine. His skin was tanned and scared from work, I assumed. He didn’t smell like cologne or soap, but he didn’t exactly stink either.
“What the hell do you mean by that?” I snapped.
“It seems stupid to me now, but we’re told top-siders have no souls. Somehow I expected you to be less human than you are.”
“You’re right, that is stupid,” I agreed. I didn’t believe in the concept of a soul, but his tone was condescending. “Bullshit about souls, and if you pray just right, you will go to a perfect place when you die.” I took the last bite of my fruit and tossed it off the cliff. “Me less human than killers and kidnappers and whatever else you are going to do to us? I hope there is a God to burn you all in that hell you’re so afraid of.” I shoved the half-empty bag of jerky and fruit at Noah and walked to catch up with the next group of detainees in front of me.
“Hey, you’re wrong. I am not a killer.” Noah fumbled to grab the jerky and stuff it in his front pants pocket.
“I saw the bodies you left on the ground in the square. Those top siders you and your buddies shot, looked dead to me. You are all killers, and obviously, you are a big fat liar,” I shouted.
Everyone stopped walking, and a hush came over the group. One of the young men from the front of the line started jogging quickly back towards me.
“So righteous, Killer. You need your friend to finish me off for you?” I snarled.
Noah put his hand around my throat and started to squeeze. I closed my eyes and tried to hold my breath. I grabbed uselessly at his outstretched hands. My end was coming, and I would not give him the pleasure of hearing me scream.
“You want me to kill you. Don’t you, you stupid...?” Noah loosened his grip, and I took a gasp of air.
“Better dead than with the Reds.” I panted, grabbing at his hands. “That’s what we were all told. You’re going to kill us anyway. I’m tired of walking out here in the middle of nowhere. Get it over with already!” I felt his thick hands release, and the sun wash over my closed eyelids.
Blue was in my ear, telling me to be quiet and pulling me into the line with her.
The young man from the front of the group was trying to calm Noah down. He told Noah we were brainwashed savages that don’t have any honor. He couldn’t expect a top sider woman to know their customs. I would have to be taught. He would prove all the wild rumors true if he didn’t calm down.
“It’s been a difficult day, Noah. Leave her be, let her calm down too.” The level-headed captor patted Noah on the shoulder hard enough to shake the dust off his clothes.
Liar was his trigger word. Know your enemy, know their weakness. They were all lesser than us—weak and controlled by a fairytale of ridiculous religious nonsense.
This new information wasn’t helpful. They don’t eat people. That tidbit was nice to hear, though I didn’t entirely believe Noah. They are wasteful, nothing I didn’t know before, and they react violently when called out on their shit. Just like most young men
