“Counseling!” I gasped. The very thought of emotional re-education made my skin crawl.
“No one forced me to do anything but leave the Pavilion.”
“But most of all, what I want is for you to take this opportunity to choose something more for your life. This whole mess gives you a rare chance to remake your life. I want you to ask yourself, is this life still what I want.” He knelt on the floor, beside the old couch pleading the talking points he and Hess rehearsed.
I stood up and shoved my bruised arms back inside the heavy leather day suit. “It was a mistake for me to come home first. After mom's hysterics and now your calm, whatever this is. I can't be here,” I whined.
“What did you envision when you walked in that door, Doodle? What are we not doing for you?” I threw my arms up in the air and leaned back against the doorway.
“I didn't expect to walk into this house. I didn't think beyond one more step forward. I kept walking in the direction the compass told me to go.”
My father handed me a vitamin drink, cap already loosened, and a warm washcloth to wipe my face. I grabbed them both appreciatively and paced the room, wiping dirt off my skin.
“A medical center maybe,” I took a long gulp of the cold liquid and let it sink to the bottom of my stomach. “I guess I expected to be found half-dead and revived in some outskirt township. Maybe wake up in a sterile room with teary-eyed people, asking me questions. Like you see in the movies.”
My father rested his hands on his hips. A motion that was usually followed by the phrase 'it's time to leave' or 'clean up your mess.' “Jason is on his way back from the armory.”
“Then, he'll be here in less than an hour. And I still need to see Blue Bell's family—they must be anxious for information. I'm much stronger than I thought I could be, Daddy. I'm not broken or injured, and nobody hurt me. I'm not as weak as everyone is telling me I should be.”
“No one wants you to be weak, least of all me, Sweetheart.” My father looked at the floor.
“I don't want to be angry with you, Daddy. I know of all the people in my life, you will always help me.”
“I can take it Doodle, yell at me, hit me. Punch me right here in the stomach,” my father demanded, taking the now empty bottle and wet cloth from my hands. “You can be as angry as you like. Those men took you from me. I let you go out into the world, Doodle. I'm to blame for all this.”
“My chance to punish anyone came and went. The young man who took me stood in front of me at the edge of a cliff and apologized. I let him cut away a lock of my hair before walking off in the other direction.
“Noah believed he was saving me and that everyone he left behind that night was already dead. He believed in his mission completely. They all treated my trip back home like I was walking towards my death.” I was almost in tears. No one here would ever understand what it was like to turn away from people who wanted me to stay so badly.
“Talking with Dredge and the Tilley's, that's what you need to do right now, Honey?” My father moved into a problem-solving mode. Choose it, plan it, move it was his motto.
“Yes,” I confessed. “It's all I can think about.”
“Fine, let's leave here and do that right now. But at some point, Doodle, all of this experience is going to catch up with you. The anger and the hate you are bottling up will hit you,” my father warned.
“I don't have time for that,” I insisted. “I have to keep my thoughts together until I get all these important things done.”
“Don't waste any time cleaning up or whatever your sister sent you in here to do. Let's leave now and get these things off your plate so you can come home and regroup.” That was his way. And today, I appreciated what usually drove me insane about him. My father cuts to the heart of a problem and pushes his way through it. My mother laments the facts in front of her and then finds a way to downplay any damage.
Neither approach alone would work for me today. I just had to keep my head together for a few more hours.
Hess and Nina were getting ready to head back to the top of the Tree. Hess offered to extend his leave to help the family recover. I convinced him we didn't need the help. Everything would be fine in a few days, and he would have wasted his time. I apologized as best I could, but he wouldn't hear me out. It seemed our little argument was as trivial to him, as Noah predicted.
I could see now how vital both of their occupations would be in the coming years. They worked towards a solution while I was busy worrying about my life path and what clothes I wanted for the next school session.
Driving through town to the Tilley estate felt like running towards a burning building. I had known Blue all my life. We all knew her mother was awful. She never had slumber parties at her house because of her crazy mother.
After middle school, our circle of friends grew apart. There was no real reason. Proximity might have been an issue. We only had a few classes together. I assumed her mother encouraged her to only keep friends from influential families. My family wasn't anything noteworthy until now.
My father and I were greeted
