She was beautiful, sweet, naïve, and she was his wife. He abruptly pulled his hand away. What sort of fool was he? Every time he touched her only made him want her more. To torture himself was beyond foolish. Besides, Mary had no feelings for him. He was merely a meal ticket and a means to provide somewhere safe to stay. The minute their twelve month contract was up, he had no doubt she would put her hand out for the compensation, and would be on her way.
The thought of never seeing her again ripped at his heart.
“…for them?” His head shot up. What was she saying? He really didn’t want to confess he’d been lost in his own thoughts, thinking about things he didn’t want to admit.
“I, sorry. I missed half of that. Too busy day dreaming.”
She stared at him. It wasn’t like him, and she knew it. They might not be intimate, but she knew him intimately in most other ways. The times he came and went, what he wore, what he ate, and so much more.
They had a very good marriage, except for the fact… He glanced up. Why did his thoughts keep going back there? Perhaps because every blessed night he knew she was sleeping in the other room half undressed, and he couldn’t touch her?
No, that wasn’t it, and he knew it. He was… he shook his head trying to shake the thought away but it wouldn’t leave him. He was more than a little fond of Mary. He was – he swallowed. He was falling in love with her.
“Should I make food for them?” She sighed, probably at his lack of concentration. Or had she seen through him? Read his thoughts? She’d probably run like the devil if she had. Mary was not interested in a real marriage with him. Truth be told, she never would be.
She’d told him bits and pieces of her former life. Well, not so much told as he’d read between the lines. He knew she had to cart water from a well into the house. He also knew she bathed outside in the cold, with absolutely no privacy. Her clothes were so dreadful she refused to bring even one item to her new home. Not to mention her state of health. It made him nauseous thinking about how pale and thin Mary was when she’d arrived. He’d rejoiced in watching her put on weight and grow stronger every day.
It had never been said, but it was clear to Noah she had been destitute. Left where she was, she might even have died. He couldn’t bear the thought of never having met her.
No wonder she was happy now. If she left him, which she undoubtedly would, at least he could be thankful he’d given her a safe home and a better life.
He swallowed. Hard. His heart was aching beyond comprehension.
“Food for the men? You can if you want to, but it’s not required. They have a bunk house where they can cook for themselves.” He needed to concentrate on the conversation.
He waved a hand in the air. “Tomorrow perhaps. If you want to that is.” Noah stood, keeping his eyes trained on his sweet wife. “I’m running late. I need to go.”
Mary also stood and began to clear the dishes. “I won’t be home for lunch today, or any other day this week.” He stepped toward her and she straightened. Hesitating, Noah finally held her by the shoulders, and leaned in. She glanced up into his sapphire blue eyes, then stared at his lips. She licked hers.
Was she willing to kiss him? On the lips? The last time he did that, it was only for a moment, and only for Seth’s benefit. It had taken him by surprise, and his entire body had filled with warmth.
He stared into her face, and his heart pounded. A zing went through him.
Mary gazed at him with anticipation.
He wanted this so badly his heart hurt. Instead he dropped his hands and kissed her forehead. Just like he’d done every other morning.
Noah turned his back on her and strode toward the door before he could change his mind.
Chapter Five
The moment Noah walked out the door, Mary let go of the breath she’d been holding and gazed after him. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she swiped them away.
Did he hate her so much that he couldn’t so much as bring himself to kiss her? At least it proved she’d been right about his previous kiss – it had been totally for his brother’s benefit.
Back home, Pa had never shown her any affection. Not any. At least there she knew where she stood. With Noah he was hot and cold. One moment he’d touch her hand, then abruptly pull it away, he’d start to kiss her then stop. She couldn’t fathom whether he had feelings for her and was trying to deny them, or whether he absolutely no feelings for her, and was trying to force them on himself.
Either way, her heart was breaking. It had been her choice to retreat to the spare bedroom, but not once did Noah ask her to move back. He shown no sign of wishing she would. Had he asked, she’d have gone in a heartbeat, but after years of living it, Mary knew when she wasn’t wanted.
Instead of dwelling on what could have been, or might have been, she decided to instead focus on the present. She pulled herself together and cleaned away the breakfast dishes, wiped down the table,
