‘Flowers!’ she exclaimed. ‘The doctor has always loved fresh flowers, bright colours, strong scents. He has a discerning nose. I’ll arrange to have fresh flowers delivered every day and we can rotate the arrangements around the house. It will brighten every room, and he’ll never know what to expect. It can get a little gloomy at the front of the house, can’t it? We need to put some effort into keeping it inviting.’
She carried a tray of plates past me, beaming. I felt even more unsettled, and confused about every conversation I’d had that morning. Had we really been discussing flowers?
It was my nerves, reading too much into things. It was ridiculous of me to think anything else. If only I could have told Aisling. She would have been bursting with opinions on how I should deal with it all.
*
I decided to pull myself together. The best way to banish this feeling of inferiority would be to find a useful purpose for myself. I would throw myself into learning the ropes. I spotted Mrs Wiggs walking down the hallway as I was coming down the stairs. A narrow corridor led through the pantry and into the kitchen and I saw her bun disappearing down it.
‘Mrs Wiggs!’ I called out.
The woman was no more than a few feet away, but she didn’t stop or turn back, just kept walking. I assumed she hadn’t heard me and scurried after her down the passageway. She opened the door to the kitchen and I was immediately behind her. She turned around, locked eyes with me, her hand still on the door. I smiled at her and she held my gaze.
‘Mrs Wiggs, I’m glad I caught you. I was only wondering if—’
She closed the door on me.
I was stood there, quite the fool, feeling confused and conversing with a door. I knocked on it and waited. There was no answer. I put my hand on the handle. I faltered, regained my courage, thrust the door open and closed it behind me.
Mrs Wiggs was addressing Cook and Sarah and stopped talking as soon as I entered. Neither Sarah nor Cook raised their eyes, and Mrs Wiggs seemed bemused that I was there.
‘Mrs Lancaster, I was in the middle of instructing the staff on the requirements for today.’
‘Right, well, carry on,’ I said, sounding more sergeant major than I intended.
Both servants kept their eyes firmly on the floor, and Mrs Wiggs looked about the room as if a bird had flown in.
‘Carry on with what, Mrs Lancaster?’ she asked.
‘Well, if there are instructions to be given, I should be aware of them so I might contribute to the running of the household. I have been thinking that I would very much like to learn the way things are done here. After all, I am… I have run my own ward and assisted in surgery, so I’m confident that with the right guidance I can lend a hand here.’ I finished on a flourish, thinking of Matron’s motivating speeches where she would rally us as if we were in the army.
I could almost hear the drilling of the servants’ eyes as they bored their way through the kitchen floor, trying to find a place they didn’t have to witness this, whatever this was. Mrs Wiggs fixed me with a glacial smile, looked towards the servants, looked at the floor as if she were accessing her reserves of patience, and turned to me.
‘Mrs Lancaster, this is a wonderful idea and I think it would be best if we began by discussing how to approach it. Perhaps we could do so in the front dining room. There is a fire in there, you’ll be warm. I shall be with you as soon as I can.’
I nodded obediently, damn near curtseyed, and closed the door behind me like a meek little girl.
I waited for Mrs Wiggs for well over an hour and she never did come. When I found her, my blood boiling, she apologised and made some excuse about Sarah not having the hot ashes collected, and then discovered that the potatoes for dinner all had eyes, and how by the time she got to the front dining room I had left. I’m sure she found this little farce hilarious.
I had heard I was to be mistress of the house; however, it seemed it already had one. I felt utterly useless, but I would simply have to try harder. Things were always difficult in the beginning. The hospital had been a lonely and unfamiliar business before I’d met Aisling, and I hadn’t won this place in the world to give in so easily. This time I would have to work it out for myself. I was sure I could make my marriage a success, and I was still optimistic that even Mrs Wiggs would come to appreciate my efforts eventually.
4
The conversation about flowers haunted me more than it should have. I couldn’t help but think that Mrs Wiggs had been referring to my appearance. I had never been good with fashion and paid little attention to my grooming beyond looking clean and presentable. It held no interest for me until I met Aisling at the hospital. She used to help me with my hair and advise which colours I should wear to suit my complexion and which to avoid. Before her, well, they were simply colours. I picked them because I liked them, even if they didn’t like me, as she used to tell me.
Aisling said that if you were feeling small, then the trick was to go out and buy a daring dress, a bigger hat; to take a lesson from the animal kingdom and frighten your opponents with exotic plumage until your courage caught up. I needed only to acquire some exotic plumage. Now that the incident with Thomas seemed to have passed, I wanted to make more of an impression and get things
