Reshawn gestured for us all to walk to the front of the bar, to the exit opposite the one our teammates were blocking.
I didn’t realize how much I’d been sweating until my body flashed cold in the brisk autumn night, nor quite how drunk I was until I stumbled over a curb in the neighborhood of bungalows separating Stefan Knows from East Campus. Nobody noticed me trip; their attention was focused on the boy who continued to let out hiccupping sobs that prompted every dog in the neighborhood to bark. The girl and the Asian boy tried to comfort him, while Reshawn fell back to walk alongside me. He explained that the girl’s name was Jamie, the redheaded boy’s name was Henry, and the Asian boy’s name Thao. All three were enrolled in his African American folktales class.
Henry and Thao were juniors who lived on Central Campus, and we agreed it wasn’t a good idea to go there when Chase might be heading in the same direction. We walked to Jamie’s. She was a senior who lived off-campus in a neighborhood called Carsonville, ten square blocks of historic homes that had been owned by King Tobacco’s middle management during the company’s heyday and were now King property rented to upperclassmen, grad students, and professors.
Jamie’s house was a three-story Victorian, concord purple with soft pink detailing. We mounted the porch, and Jamie led Henry inside while Thao remained outside with us.
—Is your boyfriend okay? I asked.
—When he gets like this, he won’t sleep for two days straight. And he’s not my boyfriend.
Jamie returned outside, breathless.
—He locked himself in the bathroom. My roommates are going to shit when they find out he’s here again. Thao sighed.
—Give me a minute? I’m not ready to put on my nurse’s uniform yet.
Jamie took Reshawn’s hand and led him to the porch swing that hung from the portico’s roof. They whispered as they rocked. Thao noticed me watching.
—Hell of a first date, he said.
The bulb over the front door had burned out, and only the moon lighted Thao’s face. Had he meant he didn’t have a boyfriend, period? Or just that Henry wasn’t his boyfriend? I’d never said “boyfriend” out loud like that, at least without it being a joke.
—What’s your name? he asked.
—Miles.
—Thao.
We shook hands.
—Thao … Am I saying that right?
—No, but that’s how everyone says it. You’re a football player?
I nodded, and without warning Thao slid his hand onto my right arm and squeezed it in a dozen different places, like a pool toy he couldn’t figure out how to deflate.
—You feel like a football player, but you don’t act like one.
We heard a commotion inside, roommates waking at the noise Henry was making in the bathroom. Jamie kissed Reshawn goodbye, rising from the porch swing. Then there were lips on my cheek, too, light stubble pressing against my hairless jaw. I froze in place as Thao pulled back from me, smiled, and followed Jamie into the house.
Reshawn and I took a sidewalk in the direction of East Campus. Thao’s saliva was cold on my cheek and fading much too fast.
—Sorry, Reshawn said, meaning Thao’s kiss. I came to pick up Jamie tonight and they were both at the house. “We’re you’re chaperones!”
Reshawn was impersonating either Henry or Thao and had added a sibilant s to the word “chaperones.” It wasn’t a cruel impression, not quite, and thanks to it I was able to more closely calibrate how Reshawn felt about gays: fine dancing next to them, fine talking to them, fine that the girl he liked was friends with them, but still far from comfortable.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed, but it was a disappointment I was well accustomed to. I focused instead on what was thrilling about this moment with Reshawn. He had felt the need to apologize, sincerely apologize, which he’d never done before. Moreover, how he was talking to me, how he walked next to me, seemed to welcome me to share in his delight at being kissed by Jamie. Here was the kid I’d seen making his happy rounds at the freshman carnival; the bright soul who’d entertained regular students in our dorm room all semester; the good heart who’d made such a lasting impression on Jesse during his visit to Brown. Brown—I was brimming with questions, hunting for the right moment to tell Reshawn I knew why he’d come to King.
—I couldn’t believe it was you throwing Chase, he said. I thought—no offense, but I thought you were another drone. I mean, I always knew you were smart.
I’m not sure I believed this. But I was happy to hear him say it, regardless.
—But there are a lot of smart kids on the team, he continued. And they’re the worst of the whole fucking bunch. Jimbo knows he’s following the herd.
He laughed and started impersonating me at the bar, grabbing an invisible Chase’s collar and slamming him to the ground. I can’t tell you how much pleasure it gave me to have Reshawn impersonate something physically impressive I had done.
—Bam! he said. Chase’s eyes all googly when he tried to sit up.
—What did he say to Henry?
Reshawn shook his head.
—I couldn’t hear over the music.
We passed through a gap in the stone wall that bordered East Campus. The moon spilled light across the brown lawns. Reshawn impersonated me again.
—Bam! he laughed. That was the best hit of the whole season. I’ve fucking hated that kid since I met his ass back in January.
Here it was.
—Even more than his dad?
I didn’t like watching the good energy drain out
