“You know me. I can’t stand to be late. Thanks for squeezing me in today.”
“I wish all of my patients adhered to their scheduled appointment times.” Dr. Fluellen shook his head and lowered himself into the chair next to her. His salt and pepper, horseshoe-shaped, balding hair gave him a distinguished appearance. His mannerisms exuded a life rich with privilege and opportunities. A stylish, tailored sports coat, along with coordinated accessories proved to be part of his aesthetic identity.
“It’s a matter of respect as far as I’m concerned.”
“Well, to show consideration for your time, let’s get started.” Dr. Fluellen removed a pad of paper and pen from his desk next to the chair. “Tell me how you’ve been since the last session.”
Olivia hesitated in deciding where to begin. “Today added a whole new level of anger for me. I had been handling stressful situations pretty well until now.” Her fingers tangled together in unison with the thoughts in her mind.
Her comments grabbed Dr. Fluellen’s full attention. He peered across tiny unframed glasses, which perched on the bridge of his wide nose. “What happened today that changed your progress?”
Olivia released the infuriating details of the day with Malcolm, Mariah, the call from Dr. Hennings, and the stranger giving her the finger. Her voice elevated at different points of recollection followed by punching into her hand.
After ranting for twenty minutes, Dr. Fluellen spoke in a way to pacify her. “Olivia. Breathe. I need you to pause and breathe like this.” He inhaled as if smelling a bouquet, held it for four seconds before releasing the air like blowing out candles on a cake. He nodded for her to do the same.
Olivia tremored and followed his instructions. Her lungs ached from holding her breath until he slowly released his. She imitated Dr. Fluellen four times until her nerves balanced to a reasonable level.
“Good. Have you been practicing the meditation and breathing exercises we discussed the last time you were here?” He raised his eyebrows in question.
“Sometimes. The breathing proved to be handy this morning when I met with Malcolm. It helped to keep me from jumping across the table to tackle him. It’s working well.” Olivia settled into the pillows.
“Quiz time. Which affirmations for anger management are you using?” Dr. Fluellen pressed.
Olivia raised her right hand as if taking an oath.
“I have the power to control my emotions. Instead of letting my frustrations build, I will speak my mind. I will acknowledge my anger without losing control,” Olivia recited with confidence. “Those are three I use on a frequent basis.”
“Good. Remember, if you integrate those as well as some of the others each day, you will become someone who has full control of your emotions. You’ll diffuse your anger and it will pass. Center your mind before you leave your house.”
“I would love to get to a point where my life is one of peace and tranquility without drama. I desire to be calm and relaxed.”
“Make it happen,” Dr. Fluellen said with parental firmness. “Also, you may not realize you could be experiencing grief from a breakup. Going through a divorce on top of everything you’ve experienced is traumatic.”
“Oh boy.” Olivia rolled her eyes upward. “Since you’re psychoanalyzing me, which of the seven stages am I in?”
“It’s obvious, the fifth stage, which is anger.”
“Duh. Don’t insult my intelligence.” Olivia twisted her lips.
“When you set the house on fire, you were at this stage. The difference is you’re not in the paralyzing or self-defeating position it may put you in. Instead, you’re shifting your perspective and making proactive changes. Once you get through the anger phase, you’ll move into acceptance.”
“Hmm. You sound pretty C-A-T smart, doctor.” Olivia nodded in agreement. “I think you’re onto something that seems to be right.”
“I have to make sure I stay on top of my knowledge when it comes to counseling you. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of one of my classmates.”
“Don’t worry. You’re doing great. I know I’m a tough case to handle sometimes.”
“Believe me when I tell you, you aren’t the worst. You know we get a full spectrum of people and their mental health concerns. You’re in a good place. One more thing. I know discussing your time in jail is tough. You know we must have a conversation about how you’re dealing with the trauma you experienced. How are you doing in coping with what happened to you?”
Olivia released an aggravated sigh. “I don’t have nightmares anymore. They’ve pretty much gone away. As I’ve mentioned to you before, being in jail had to be the scariest time of my life. In my mind, I had years to serve and didn’t know how long I’d survive.” Olivia shuddered.
Dr. Fluellen remained silent to allow Olivia to talk.
“I reached the lowest point of my life where I experienced being lonely, hurt, disappointed, and forgotten. I couldn’t see my children. Only a few friends visited me. I never imagined I’d have a jail sentence as a part of my history. My education, economic status, and titles didn’t matter when I had on that ugly, blue jail outfit. As an inmate, the guards treated me the same as everyone else.” Olivia shook her head in remembrance.
“What else do you recall about your time there?”
“I transitioned from being a free independent woman with the world in my hands to one forced to function on a schedule set by other people. I woke up, ate, and went to bed when told. I couldn’t control the noise or the temperature in my cell. My body still aches from the uncomfortable bunk bed I slept on with a thin, itchy blanket and flat pillow. Privacy didn’t exist to use the bathroom or shower. I find myself still scrubbing like crazy when I bathe to make sure every nasty part of that place is off me. Even after being out for several months now, the smell
