Wyatt knocks his knee into mine. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, planting a fake smile on my face. There’s no way on this earth I’m telling them what’s going through my head right now. I’m walking a tightrope with these guys. They were picking on Meghan today, but it could so easily be me tomorrow. Right?
I don’t know. Maybe not.
I sit back in the seat and take a deep breath, closing my eyes. I want to open them. I want to take in the scenery. I want to be in the driver’s seat of my life for once. I always chalked up Dad never letting me go anywhere to being a bit overprotective, but it’s hard to fight those feelings. If he was overprotective, what was he trying to protect me from?
I guess I didn’t even need to leave Clary to have something bad happen, but still. I’m rattled.
Wyatt puts his hand on mine. “Dakota?” Fuck. My real name? He must be worried about me.
I’m so screwed. Why can’t I just fucking relax? Act like this isn’t a big deal. Going to Leedsville? Sure. Easy. Done it a hundred times.
“Pull the car over,” Wyatt instructs Stone.
“No,” I shout. “I’m fine.” My voice is high and tight, cracked with fissures so that anyone listening can clearly tell I’m not alright despite me saying otherwise.
Because they are listening, Stone pulls over.
I growl. “I’m fine.”
Wyatt gives me a look. He knows I’m full of shit.
Fuck. So do I. I just need to get over it though.
Lucas turns around from the front seat. He takes one look at me and frowns. “You’re white as a ghost.”
“I don’t know why,” I say. I rub my arms to try to warm them. “Maybe I’m still tired. Or it’s an effect from the drugs.”
Stone turns in the seat now, too, and I’d rather claw his eyes out than have him see me like this. I close my eyes, pretending that if I can’t see him, then he can’t see me.
“Maybe I’ll just get out and walk around for a bit,” I say, throwing the door open. It opens up onto the sandy side of the road. Cacti of all different sizes dot the landscape. Seeing them instantly puts me at ease. That’s normal. They’re familiar.
I shut the door and stretch my limbs. I walk out across the dirt, my feet kicking up dust clouds as I go. Behind me, cars pass the Audi making a vroom, vroom noise. A door opens and closes, and I already know it’s going to be Lucas who comes out to check on me. The peacemaker. The silent one who observes. Plus, I’m fairly certain Stone doesn’t give a fuck and that Wyatt is on the fence about me. Well, he likes to make comments about my body, but that’s about it. Who even knows if Wyatt is capable of having girls who are friends?
“Hey,” Lucas says in a sure voice.
I kick the dirt in front of me, sending up a plume of brown.
“Wyatt says you’re freaking out. Are you?”
“I’m fine,” I say, stretching my lips into something I hope resembles a smile.
Lucas moves in front of me, dipping his head to look me in the face. I wish he wasn’t so nice—and I really can’t believe I’m saying that—but he makes me want to tell him stuff. I’ve never had someone who I could talk to before. Well, besides Dad, and I really couldn’t have said anything to him. If I asked about going places, he just told me there was no reason I needed to go. He didn’t get that I was so sick of living in my head or through books. He didn’t get that I wanted something real.
That’s why I don’t understand why I’m freaking out right now. I want this. I’ve been wanting it for so long.
“A truth for a truth?” Lucas asks. He’s posing it as a question, but he doesn’t waste time waiting for my answer. “My parents died when I was young. I was in and out of homes until the Jacobs took me in. Five years ago, they adopted me. Sometimes, I have this weird thing that happens where I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I recognize that in you too. I think that’s why I like you.”
My brain gets hung up on the words, I think that’s why I like you. No one has ever said that to me before. Ever. Not a boy, not a girl. Not a friend. Not my father or Dickie. Literally no one.
My walls start to crumble. I’m completely fucked with people like Lucas. How many guys are there like him in the world? He told me once that I might realize there were more people like me in the world, and maybe he was right. I’ve just never met someone like me because... Well, I’ve barely met anyone new.
“Your turn,” he prods.
The earnestness in his gaze peels me open. I already know I’m going to talk. “It’s dumb.”
“Nothing you feel is dumb.”
I groan up at the sky, watching the hawks fly overhead, circling their prey. It’s kismet that Lucas and I have come to this moment. Like, maybe this is how we were supposed to end up all along. Him and his lost puppy, yet gorgeous features. His haphazard style of not looking like he cares, but also that he totally does. His truth clicks a lot of his personality into place for me. Maybe if I give him my truth, he’d be able to help me. “So, I’ve never actually been out of Clary.”
The words hang in the air like the humidity, clinging to us like weights. I wait for him to laugh. I wait for him to tell me that that makes me a loser. He doesn’t. Instead, he says, “Wow. I had no idea, Dakota. None of us did. If we did, we would’ve...” He trails off. “I don’t know. Tried to
