“I don’t want your fingers.” Impatient, she pushed my hand away. “I want you.”
“It’s going to hurt. I’m going to hurt you.”
“I don’t care.” She slid her underwear down her legs and flung them across the room. I followed suit and knelt over her. Gripping her hips, I lined her up directly beneath me and rocked against her.
“Are you sure?” In response, she lifted her hips, her back arching off the mattress and I glided between her slick folds. It felt so fucking good, skin against skin, every cell in my body igniting, and I wasn’t even inside her yet.
“I’m on the pill,” she said, giving me further incentive to breach her tight walls.
I had never taken a girl’s virginity before and I had never gone bare. But even more daunting than being someone’s first was that this was Lila, the girl I loved. My heart was ricocheting off the walls of my chest as I dipped my head and kissed her hard, nudging her entrance with my tip.
She wrapped her legs around my waist and gripped my shoulders tightly. I lifted my head, looking down at her face as I pushed into her just a little bit more. Squeezing her eyes shut, she winced and inhaled a sharp breath. I was barely hanging on. But I stayed where I was and I waited for her to adjust to the pressure.
“Baby. Open your eyes.” Her eyes opened and I kissed the corner of her mouth, my lips ghosting over hers. “Now breathe.”
She nodded a little and squeezed my shoulders. “Okay. I’m good.”
Watching her face, I inched my way inside her, more slowly than I thought myself capable of. Her muscles clenched around me tight as a fist and she clung to me. My arms braced on either side of her head trembled under the strain of using every ounce of my self-restraint.
This was a taste of heaven and of hell all rolled into one.
Tears streamed down her face and she whispered, “Don’t stop.” Her hands slid from my shoulders to my neck and into my hair as she lifted her hips and tugged my head down to hers. “Do it.”
I dragged my lips down her cheek, kissing away her tears. I drank her pain and then I pushed all the way into her, going where no one had gone before me. With privilege came a greater responsibility and it both terrified and thrilled me knowing that she trusted me to make this good for her. I felt like I was splitting her right down the middle, cracking her wide open to create a space just for me. Buried to the hilt, I silenced her pants and moans with soft kisses. Her fingers dug into my scalp and her brows pinched together. “Shh.” I kissed her on the lips and her jaw and the side of her neck. Moving my mouth to the shell of her ear I murmured. “Shh.”
I don’t know if I was trying to comfort her or myself but I could feel my control slipping. The effort it took not to fuck her into oblivion, not to lose myself in this moment and ride out the pleasure, was too great. My sweat dripped onto her forehead and made our bodies slick in all the places our skin touched.
“Baby. I need to—” My voice was strained and I squeezed my eyes shut, gritting my teeth.
Lila placed her fingertips over my lips. “Shh.”
She angled her hips, rolling them in little circles that sucked me in deeper. My forehead dropped to hers and her soft breath mingled with mine. She held my face in her hands. “Give me all you’ve got. Don’t hold back. I want to watch you lose control.”
Lila had no idea what she was asking for or what that meant but her words loosened my resolve to be oh so careful with her. Pulling back to fill her deeper, I stroked her walls with long, powerful thrusts that she met and took, her body matching the rhythm I set.
Nothing, nothing on earth, had ever felt as good as being inside Lila.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
Blood surged through my veins, my heart pounding. Lightheaded and half-blind, warm tingles started at the base of my spine. My balls tightened and I chased the high, each stroke bringing me higher and higher until I reached the point of no return. There was no way of stopping now. Lila rocked her hips, her fingernails digging into my shoulders.
I exploded. Shuddering, I came inside her, and it seemed to go on and on. Holy shit.
I collapsed on top of her, giving here all my weight and she held on to me, both of us so still and quiet. For a few seconds, I was so boneless I couldn’t even move.
Afraid I might be crushing her, I rolled off her and onto my side, propping my head on my hand and tracing her mouth with my fingertips. “Are you okay?”
She smiled. “Yeah. I’m okay.” The smile slipped off her face. “I just… it was different than I thought it would be.”
“Fuck.” I scrubbed my hand over my face, guilt gnawing at me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“No.” She grabbed my hand. “You were good. It’s just… it was so intense, you know?”
Yeah, I did know.
“I never want to think of you doing that with anyone who isn’t me. It’s just so…” She stopped and took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s so intimate, you know? And I hate it that you shared that with—”
“Shh. Don’t say it. Being with you was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”
“In a good way?”
“In the very best way. So let’s just pretend we were both virgins. Because that was how it felt.”
She smiled. “Really?”
“Really. I’ll be right back.” I climbed off the bed and pulled on my boxer briefs from the floor.
“Where are you going?”
“The bathroom. I need a towel to clean you up—”
She shook her head. “You stay. I’ll go. I want you to be
