My shoulders fell slightly before I straightened my spine again, never allowing my posture to slip. My sister Katrina rounded the table and bent at the waist to kiss my mom and dad on the cheek. “Thanks, Mom. I found it at a little boutique. You’d love it. I’m not sure if any of it was your style.” My sister addressed me with the last part and sat in the empty chair next to me.
“If it’s a small store, they may not carry her size,” my mom said. The jab sank beneath my ribs, piercing my heart. My hands slipped off the table and into my lap. I tugged on the ends of my cardigan, closing the sweater.
“I’m not sure. I didn’t look,” Katrina said, shrugging her slim shoulders. I glanced at my dad. I’d inherited my build from him. I was tall, and my bust and butt cast me far outside of the slender category. I wasn’t fat. I knew that and knew I was healthy, but compared to my slim mother and sister, my curves stood out. I sighed. My father was oblivious to the conversation at the table. His neck was craned toward the bar area as he tried to watch the game on television. I tuned out my mom and Katrina.
Normally, I spent the days leading up to family dinner armoring myself so their remarks would bounce off instead of piercing me. At least that was always the goal. That hadn’t happened this week. The encounter with Kiernan, and the fact that he didn’t remember me from when we went to school together, had reinforced that my mother was right. I was forgettable. Undesirable. Insignificant. I didn’t have time to solidify my armor again before dinner with my family. The blows my family dealt should’ve rolled off my shoulders by now. Some weeks they did. Months could go by and those remarks didn’t bother me, but running into a crush who’d never known I existed—and sinking back into the nervous, clamoring girl I’d been in high school in front of him—had shattered my armor this week.
“Caroline,” my mother said sharply. I snapped out of my trance and focused on her. “Do I have to yell your name? I’ve been trying to get your attention. Honestly, if you’re going to sit at this table and not pay attention to your family, then I’m not even sure why you come.” She sniffed and pursed her lips.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I was distracted for a moment. What were you saying?”
As soon as she started speaking, I wished she’d just let me keep daydreaming about nothing. “Did you hear Grant and Rachel are expecting another baby? They have the most gorgeous children. Their little family could be on the cover of magazines.”
I made a noncommittal sound and bit the inside of my cheek again, hard enough to taste the metallic taste of blood. I hadn’t heard they were expecting another baby, but that wasn’t surprising. I’d wiped both of them from my mind, and I tried to avoid seeing them or any reminders. My mother had never gotten that.
“Well, did you hear that news, Caroline?”
“No, Mother. I didn’t and I’m not sure why I would keep up with news about my ex-boyfriend and my ex–best friend, who he cheated on me with.”
My mother rolled her eyes. “My goodness, Caroline, aren’t you over that by now? Rachel is much better suited for Grant. He has a bright future in politics, and he’s incredibly handsome. He didn’t need a woman who works herself ragged and comes home smelling like an animal. Rachel has a predictable job. She’s stunning. When she stands next to Grant, she looks like she belongs with him. They look like a couple.”
I heard every single unsaid word. I wasn’t gorgeous. I didn’t go with a man who was as attractive as Grant. When I’d stood next to him, as his girlfriend, people had wondered why a man like that would be with a woman like me. Apparently, including my own mother.
I’d been with Grant for three years. We’d talked about the future and getting married. I thought we were moving that way together, with the same view of the future. Well, mostly the same view. Grant had told me he never wanted kids. I thought I loved him enough to compromise on that and thought he would be enough. That our relationship would be enough. Just the two of us forever, and maybe a menagerie of animals. I couldn’t resist fostering and keeping a few.
That wasn’t really the case. He simply didn’t want children with me. He had no problem having children with Rachel. Rachel had been my best friend my entire life, and I thought she would remain that way. But it all ended, both relationships crashing down in a fiery blaze when I walked in on them in bed together. It was bad enough that they were having sex, but the crushing pain was only made worse when I walked in and heard them professing their love for each other.
I moved out of the house I shared with Grant, and Rachel moved in. They were married within six months, and a year after that, pregnant with their first child. While I buried myself in schoolwork, striving to be the best vet I could be, but also making the worst mistake of my life.
A mistake that was still haunting me and hanging over my head.
3 Kiernan
A smile from me and Pepper Jack flipping over onto his back for belly rubs, with a smile on his face, was all it took for the receptionist at the front desk to tell me the time and
