Holden lay back, watching me explore him, his abs tightening as my fingers trailed down toward the erection that strained against his boxer briefs. I hesitated but he nodded quickly, his neck tight.
I held my breath, my heart crashing against my ribs, waiting for lightning to strike me dead or shame to engulf me. But I slipped my hands inside, wrapped my fingers around him, and felt only relief and lust. Wanting this for him and for me, and for the years I’d spent denying myself.
Holden released a sound deep in his chest and I groaned. His cock filled my palm, soft skin sliding over hard flesh.
This, a thought whispered in and out of my head. This is what I want…
“I want to make you come,” I said thickly. “And I want to watch.”
Holden groaned. “And here I thought you’d be shy.”
He slipped out of his underwear, my hand still wrapped around him. I increased the pressure on him, squeezing hard through the stroke, then releasing, over and over.
“What about you?” he managed.
I shook my head, my hand working faster. “Just you.”
Again, confusion flashed over his face and I sort of hated anyone who’d been here before me, taking and taking and giving nothing back.
Instinct guiding me, I let my mouth wander down his neck, inhaling the clean warm scent of him, tasting the faint salt of his skin. I dragged my tongue down his chest. The smooth texture changed as I found one small nipple.
“How do you know how to do that?” Holden gasped out as I bit, sucked, and then swirled my tongue over the sensitive nub, all the while my hand worked over his cock.
“Don’t know,” I murmured. “Just want this.”
For you.
Holden’s breath caught, and I knew he was close. My own cock ached as if it were my orgasm ready to explode. I kissed him, a wet lashing of tongues, and then my fingers were in his mouth again. His tongue slid between them while I milked him, driving him higher and faster, until his head fell back, hands clutching the sheets.
“Oh fuck…” he gasped.
I sat up while his hips rose and fell with increased desperation and watched him come. His release spurted hot over his stomach and over my fingers, and I claimed it. It was mine. His every pounding heartbeat and hitched breath and agonized groan, all mine. I coaxed him through the orgasm with long, slow strokes until I was on the verge.
With a groan, I sat on the edge of the bed and yanked off my underwear. I took myself in hand, letting Holden’s release lubricate me. I felt him behind me, his mouth on the slope of muscle between my neck and shoulder. He bit down like the vampire he was, sending tingling electricity down my arm, then reached around to slide his fingers over mine until they were coated too, his release slick and warm over my cock.
“Dirty,” he whispered, and took over.
He curled his hand around me and began to move—a sensation I’d felt a thousand times by myself and that was now completely raw and new and better than anything I’d imagined.
“I need… I need…”
“You need to come,” Holden whispered against my ear. “In my mouth.”
I nodded mutely, mindlessly as Holden gracefully slipped to the floor. He knelt between my knees and took me in his mouth in one slow swallow.
“Fuck,” I hissed. “Oh fuck…”
Holden’s mouth enveloped me in the only wet heat I ever wanted, the grunts in his chest unmistakably masculine and hard. His fingers dug into my thighs with force, the pain adding a layer of sensation I didn’t know I craved. I gripped a handful of his hair and he groaned, working over me like a man possessed.
“I’m coming,” I breathed, one hand planted on the bed, gripping the sheets, the other in his hair, holding myself in that perfect delirium that was Holden.
“Come,” he breathed between deep, long sucks. “Come for me, baby…”
Baby…fuck.
My body obeyed. The cresting wave crashed, and I gritted my teeth, spilling myself into his mouth. He took it all, slowing his sucking strokes, dragging his tongue up and down my length.
“Jesus Christ…” I fell back on the bed, drained and yet alive in a way I’d never felt before.
Holden climbed up and flopped on his back beside me.
“River Whitmore,” he murmured to the ceiling. “There was nothing fucking casual about that.”
Chapter Thirteen
We lay for long minutes in the dark, listening to the rain and our own slowing breaths. My body hummed and I could feel River everywhere he’d touched me. Still taste him on my mouth and on my body that felt warm and safe for the first time.
Too good. It won’t last. It’s too good…
River was first to move, reaching for me, but I quickly went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I washed my hands and studied my reflection. My hair stood on end where River’s hand had grasped and pulled. Redness stained my mouth from his stubble—heated kisses that were fading under an onslaught of icy whispers.
This isn’t real life. It’s only a timeout. It’s not real.
I came back out and slipped on my underwear while River wordlessly took his turn in the bathroom. I sat against the pillows, feeling the cold creep in, and wishing I’d stashed a flask or a fifth in the nightstand drawer.
River returned and I forced myself to uncross my arms and take the grimace off my face. But he felt
