“I can’t believe you squealed to Dad like a little fucking baby,” I snarl into the phone the second after my brother answers. I don’t bother with hello.
“I didn’t at first. You were spotted by one of his friends and he took pictures with his phone of you guys. Dad was ranting and raving, swearing you had some secret family with how you were acting. Told me you had your hands all over some girl and had a kid on your shoulders.”
“So, you think you would tell him what I told you? This is why I never tell you shit anymore. Bro code means shit to you.”
“He wouldn’t believe I didn’t know anything. There are fucking pictures.”
“You're back in California now; you could've lied. He knows me and you aren’t close anymore.”
He sighs. “Maybe I had hoped it would also knock some sense into you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Liam, you don’t need a kid right now.”
I squeeze the arm of the deck chair so hard, the metal cuts through my skin. I’m so sick and tired of hearing that.
“This coming from the guy that says I should find someone to finally settle down with?”
“Yeah, settle then have kids. The last thing I want is for you to have another Sara on your hands.”
“I told you this is nothing like Sara,” I seethe. If he was in front of me right now, I would knock his ass to the ground.
“You don’t know that.”
“The kid is mine! I have one-hundred percent proof he is, but you would know that if you ever bothered to ask.”
He clears his throat. “Shit,” he mumbles under his breath. "He's yours? You sure?" I swear his voice squeaks an octave or two higher.
"Yes! What the fuck is your problem?”
"She didn't pull a Sara with the results?"
I swear that bitch will haunt me till the day I die.
"No. We went to a legit clinic. Now seriously what is your problem? Why are you so hell bent on Matty not being mine?
"Because—” He drags the word out. “I don't trust people not to try to take advantage of you. Also, I think you still believe being a father is going to fix you. Those were your words once."
I groan. I said that a long ass time ago in the middle of detoxing the first time. Though there was truth behind it, and I don't see the problem behind my words now.
“This is different.”
“How?”
“Because I’m recovered and this time the child is definitely mine.”
“You’re not recovered, Liam. I mean it in the nicest of ways. There's always a chance for relapse. You never got professional help.”
“Shows you how much you know. I just didn't go to rehab.”
“But you’re the one who said you still have a lifelong battle.”
The bastard needs to stop throwing my words in my fucking face.
“Fuck you.” I grit out. “I know it doesn’t just disappear, asshole, but this isn’t about my issues or my fight. All you have to do is be fucking happy for me for once. I’ve spent too long not taking care of me and my responsibilities. Now, I have a full plate of them and I’m going to do right by them. Because I fucking want to. I had an instant connection with Matty and Holly. Let me do my life and butt out. Stop running to Dad. I can handle myself.”
“I just—"
"What? You just what?"
"I'm sorry, man. You’re right. It’s just Dad would have found out anyway, but I shouldn't have told him. I was just worried."
"What the fuck is everyone so worried about? Matty is mine. Holly isn't going to take every last dime I have. It's not like she can, but if she does, then fuck it all. But I'll always live knowing I did the right fucking thing." I hang up and I toss my phone to the patio table. I push my hands through my hair, tired of explaining to him, to everyone why I'm taking responsibility.
It was the same thing with Sara, even if she fucked me over I would have never lived with myself if I walked away from my child.
The swipe of the patio door makes me turn around. Matty walks out in his Elmo PJs with his brown locks a knotted, tussled mess because he's been shifting all over the couch as he watches the movie.
“Li-um?” Matty says, rubbing his eyes. I can’t help smile anytime he says my name, though, I can’t wait for him to say Dad.
“Hey, bud. Whatcha doing out here?” I glance back into the living room and see Holly watching the two of us with great interest. She gives me a tiny wave and pulls up the thick blanket to her chin.
“Miss you.”
“I’ve missed you too. Come here.” I pat my leg.
Matty hops over to me and crawls into my lap. He slings his arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. "It's otay."
"Thank you, little man. I needed that.”
The two of us watch the boat lights bob up and down in the water. This is what it’s all about. This is why I won’t back away, no matter what.
The cool breeze off the lake blows across our faces as I tell
