Her mind raced. “So, while I was in Melbourne, the two of you drank rum and relived your sordid, drunken trysts.”
He stiffened as if she’d offended him. “It wasn’t anything like that.”
“What was it then?”
He remained silent, his gaze fixed on his feet.
“Tell me!”
“I was sad and upset. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
The urge to scream and pound her fists into his chest was so strong she gripped the edge of the counter to steady herself. “Are you saying that instead of telling me you were sad, you had sex with her?”
For the first time, his eyes darkened in anger. “Jesus, Libby. I shouldn’t have had to tell you. I did try, but you weren’t exactly reachable then.”
The black web of grief wrapped its sticky strands around her. “My baby died!”
“Our baby died!” His voice cracked. “My arms ached too, you know. But that week, when we should have been together as a family, you took off to Melbourne without me.”
Libby blew away the guilt that tried to settle. “You’d have hated Disney on Ice.”
“You didn’t give me the option. I’d have come just to be with you and the girls.”
His grief struck hers and a spark ignited. “Don’t you dare pin this on me. You’re an adult. It’s not my fault you slept with her.”
“I thought you wanted to know everything? Or do you only want to hear how badly I’ve let you down and not the other way around?”
“I’m not responsible for your behavior.”
“Do you truly believe I’d have let this happen if my head had been on straight that night?”
For the first time, tears threatened. “I don’t know what to believe. I don’t even know who you are anymore. Or her. You’re both strangers.”
“If you believe one thing, believe me that Jess tricked me that night,” he said bitterly. “It’s why we’re in this mess.”
Libby desperately wanted to believe that the woman she’d considered a sister up until this afternoon was truly evil. That Nick was completely innocent. But even in the fog of her shock and distress and her need to lay blame, she recognized it would never be that simple.
“Do you hear yourself? Poor sad Nick was incapable of saying no. He just lay back and let Jess service him. Give me a break!”
“I’m trying to.”
“No, you’re not. You’re withholding information.”
He rubbed his haggard face. “I’m protecting you.”
She heard her laugh and it scared her. “You’re protecting yourself. You’ve been protecting yourself and her for years!”
“That’s not true. I’ve been protecting us. You and me!”
“That’s just another lie you’re telling yourself.”
Nick spun around. She opened her mouth to order him to stay but he turned back and his mouth was a hard, white line. The veins in his neck bulged.
“This is what happened,” he said, his voice low and ragged. “Your best friend turned up at the door with booze and sympathy, but you weren’t here and I stupidly let her in. I drank, I talked. She listened and I staggered off to bed. I don’t know how long I slept but I woke up groggy from a skinful and with a warm body spooned in next to me. I thought you’d come home.”
He lifted his gaze to her. “It was over before I realized what was going on. She promised me she was on the pill. She showed me the condom. You’re the doctor, so you tell me. How the hell did she get pregnant?”
But Libby barely heard the question over the roar in her head. Images of Jess and Nick bombarded her. Nick and Jess in their house. In their bed. Two naked bodies moving as one and creating a baby. Something she hadn’t been able to achieve in that bed in over twelve months.
Every part of her told her to run from the house. To leave Nick and never see his traitorous face again.
“You’ve destroyed us.”
He shook his head, the action infused with deep despair. “Dom’s death did that.”
“No! We were battered and bruised but not smashed into irreparable pieces.”
Sunlight dazzled her, bouncing off the edge of the silver frame containing a photo of the girls and Nick. She’d taken it this summer on Freedom when she’d had no reason to doubt she understood her world and everyone in it. All three of them were happy and laughing at the camera, and Nick’s face was alight with the pride and joy of a doting father.
The girls. Pain ricocheted through her. She hated Nick for what he’d done to their trust, their marriage and their family. For the chaos his bombshell was raining down on them now, tomorrow, next week and for all the years to come. She wanted to stop thinking and questioning. Stop feeling. More than anything, she wanted to shut down and block out this nightmare. The thought of running away—leaving this house—reached out its hand, tempting her. All she had to do was grasp it and let it pull her far far away.
Think!
But thinking was almost impossible.
More than anything, she wanted to leave but fleeing Nick and the house would only rescue her for tonight. Even then, it wouldn’t really rescue her. There was no way she was leaving the girls with him and if she took them to Pelican House, they’d be confused as to why the three of them were having a sleepover at Glamma and Da’s when Daddy was at home. When she woke up tomorrow, all this mess would still exist, She’d have to return to Burrunan, face Nick and deal with a thousand arrangements.
It was all too awful. All too hard. Too much.
A flicker of cogent thought penetrated her overwhelming urge to flee. Go slowly.
“I hate you for doing this to us.”
“I hate myself.” Nick tried again to touch her. She slapped away his hands. “Libby, can you forgive me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you leaving me?”
“I don’t know.” The only thing she was certain of was that she would never sleep in their bed again.
“I’ll
