“I do at the apartment.”
“No problem. I will run and get it. You and this little sweetie.” She rubs a finger over my sleeping daughter’s dark hair. “You sit tight, and I’ll be back in a flash.” She starts back out the door of my hospital room.
“Ruthie?”
“Yeah?” her voice wobbles slightly.
“The key. It’s in the front pocket of my bag.”
“Right.” She fishes it out and flashes me a tense smile.
I swallow hard once she’s gone. Does James know she’s here? Did he send her to check on us? Does she know the truth? Did she come to see for herself that I gave birth to her husband’s love child.
I have too many questions and no one to ask them to.
Chapter Twenty-five
“You really didn’t need to go to so much trouble.” My stomach churns as Ruthie busies herself in the kitchen boiling bottles.
“Rochelle would have been glued to your side if she were still here. I don’t know, Alexa. Seeing you. It makes me feel closer to her if that makes sense.” She dabs at her eyes. “Sorry. I get so emotional at times.”
“Don’t apologize. You miss her. I do too.”
“You were like the big sister she always wanted. I want another baby, but James feels it’s too soon after Rochelle.” My heart clenches in my chest hearing his name. She has no clue that my daughter belongs to her husband. I’m a terrible person. She’s grieving the loss of her daughter, and here I am flaunting my baby in her face in the apartment her husband pays for. “Between us, he’s having a rough time. Losing Rochelle changed him, but it brought us closer together. I know you and Ro were friends, but I think being a mom now you can relate.”
“Sure. I’m glad I guess that things have gotten better for you guys. I didn’t know you were having trouble,” I lie.
“Things were rocky but last night.” She winks. “We well reconnected you could say. Before long our babies might be playmates. I think James will come around, and well if we are lucky, we conceived last night. He was just...” she lifts her shoulders and smirks all dreamily.
I’m going to be sick. Bile burns in the back of my throat. He was with her. While I was in the hospital crying for him, he was fucking his wife. I deserve it. I know I do. But her words and the bitter truth of it all still fucking cuts into my chest and rips my heart out. He was never going to leave her. Not for me. He never loved me, did he? It was all sex.
My head spins as the realization takes root. He used me. I was nothing but the other woman. My heart hammers in my chest so fast. I can’t breathe. Is this what a panic attack feels like? Or am I truly dying?
“To be honest with you, Alexa. Rochelle isn’t the only reason I’m here.”
Sweat beads across my top lip. My stomach plummets to my feet. Oh shit. She knows. She’s going to tell me that James and her want my baby or to stay away. My mind races as she smiles at me.
“My father.”
“I...I’m sorry what about him?”
“I know this might be a difficult conversation to have, but I know what he did to you, and I was wondering...well I got the impression that your daughter might be my half-sister. So if you need anything at all I want you to know that you can count on me. He may have been a bad man, but what he did isn’t your fault. Your mom may not be in the picture, but you’ve got me. James too. I know he’s been cold and distant since the accident, but he knows you need us.”
I’m going to faint. She thinks Wylla Mae belongs to her rapist father. I swallow hard not knowing what to do with this information. Do I agree with her lie or make up a new one?
“Don’t feel obligated. Your father. Wylla isn’t. Um. Tanner. You remember him. Colter’s friend. It was a onetime thing, and he doesn’t know. I don’t have any plans on telling him.”
“You need to tell him.”
“I will just not right now. It’s complicated. You see he has a girlfriend, and I don’t want to cause any problems for him. I don’t want or need anything from him. It’s just ya know. Whatever,” the lies just keep coming.
“You poor dear.”
“I’ll be fine. Truly. I’m putting in applications, and I’m sure once I find a car and a babysitter, things will work out for me. I’m thinking of moving to another city even. Fresh start and all that.” I still have the bank card James gave me. I never touched that money. I could use it for Wylla and me. He is her father and he gave it to me.
I hope there is still money in the account anyway.
“Not to pry, but you aren’t prepared for this baby at all. It’s okay to ask for help. I know you’re strong. You don’t have to prove that to me. No one has to know. Not even James. It can be our secret. You didn’t get a baby shower. I want to do this for you. So let me see what you have.”
Heat shoots up my spine. She’s right. I didn’t think any of this through. I don’t have anything besides a few basic things. Not even a crib. A fat tear rolls down my cheek. “I...”
“You know what. It’s okay. You just kick back there on the couch. The baby is asleep in the carrier, and you should sleep when she does. I’ll prep a bottle or two before I leave. You’ve got enough diapers to cover you for now. Leave it all to me.”
It’s too much. I can’t allow her to do this and yet I have no one else. My mom was right. I’m lost. I don’t know what I’m doing or how to take
