I knew that I must end this dialogue before it gained traction or the entire afternoon would be wound around another of my daughters’ famous fights.
‘Amani! No! I will not have you intentionally choose to fight today. Your mother is exhausted from the fright she experienced last evening. Now, please, allow others to have a pleasant conversation, daughter, even if it is a serious exchange about the challenges that face so many Saudi women. It is our responsibility as women to care about other women and the obstacles they face.’
‘Shall I leave, Mother?’ Amani asked, with a stern tone.
‘No, darling. Your mother wants you here. But, Amani, I do not have the strength to endure an emotional day after an emotional evening.’
Amani tightened her lips and nodded. She sat silent with an expressionless face as the conversation entered a popular topic, for most women in Saudi Arabia are thrilled over the promised changes coming from the palace of the Crown Prince.
Haifa and Tahani have little experience of the riotous fights that can occur between my daughters, so it took them a few moments to re-enter the conversation.
I became animated with good will for the man who was making everything I have fought for finally happen. Eager to express my support of all that he was doing, I said, ‘Many good things are coming our way, dear ones. I feel it in my heart that all that is being promised will be delivered. It might not be tomorrow, it might not be next week, it might not be next month, but it is coming. And what is it? It is a wonderful social tsunami that will sweep over this land and alter the entire social landscape. Nothing will ever be the same again – for women, or for men.’
Maha raised a vital point. ‘But the guardianship law, Mother. To me, it seems that he is ignoring the elephant in the room.’
‘Elephant? What elephant?’ a confused Tahani questioned. ‘Does our Crown Prince now have an elephant?’
Mild laughter spread from one to the other.
‘That is a saying the clever English first created, Auntie,’ Maha told her with a smile. ‘This is when there is something very obvious that is causing a big problem but no one dares bring it out into the open. Basically, it means that something as huge as an elephant is being overlooked in conversations.’
‘I am not sure I understand, still,’ Tahani said.
‘I will explain further when we are alone, dear,’ Haifa assured her.
‘So right, Maha,’ Sara agreed. ‘Yet I believe that in good time we shall see this issue addressed.’
It was evident that Maha had given the subject a lot of thought. She vocalized what many of us knew lurked in the hearts of most Saudi men.
‘Let us be honest. Most Saudi men do not want their women to drive. Most Saudi men do not want their women to travel without permission. Most Saudi men do not want their women to decide upon their own education, or select the jobs and professions they want to follow. Truthfully, most Saudi men love being in charge of everything. They have had this power so long that it will not be easy to let go. And men are the same the world over. Just think how long it took women in the West to push their men in order to win their freedom. Believe me, so long as the guardianship law exists, it does not matter how many other laws are changed. In this country, the man of the family will still hold all the power and he will not give it up easily.’
I winced, knowing that Maha had hit upon a very sad truth. Even as I sat in my own palace, speaking with my sisters and daughters, every Saudi woman, including the six of us, all princesses, was still required to have a male guardian. This guardian must be a family member, such as a father, brother, husband or son. The man serving as our legal guardian has the legal authority to make all the vital decisions of our lives, whether driving, voting, studying, marrying, seeking legal advice or going to court – even a decision to seek medical treatment is in the hands of men. So many limitations!
Maha’s face was blushing red, for she is a woman who makes all her decisions and lives a life of accomplishment. She has no need for any man to tell her yes or no. She is a free woman.
Thankfully, Kareem informed both daughters the day they reached adulthood at age twenty-one that he was there for consultation and advice, but he trusted them to make their own personal decisions. He proclaimed that he was removing himself from the position of their guardian. Maha embraced her freedom and from that day was responsible for all matters in her life, while Amani came to Kareem for advice until the day she married, then she turned to her husband. To my satisfaction, her husband is not a tyrant and encourages Amani to use her own mind, although she has a tendency to seek her husband’s approval on all decisions she makes.
Too few Saudi women have a father who feels as Kareem does. Most men cling to control out of fear their women will make a decision that will cast a veil of shame over the entire family.
Maha continued to stir the conversation. ‘The government cannot go house to house and force all these stubborn men to allow their women to drive or vote or travel. The laws will probably be passed to do all the things women should be allowed to do, but those laws will only benefit those whose men are modern-thinking and who trust the women to make good decisions so as not to embarrass the entire family.’
‘Well, there is no elephant being ignored in this room,’ Haifa said with a burst of laughter.
Sara did not disagree with Maha, yet she had hopes that matched my own. ‘Regardless of
